The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. – Joe Rogan

3 May


What is up you savages?
Is everyone enjoying the best weather of all time this week??  Well if you’re not like me then you’ve probably been stuck at work during most of it, but hopefully you’ve been able to make it out for lunch or enjoy it after you got out or something.  And Saturday is supposed to be 70 with zero clouds so it’ll be the perfect end to a fantastic week!  Not counting a new “Game of Thrones” on Sunday night of course.  Which by the way, does everyone else think this is the greatest season ever or is it just me?  It’s the greatest season ever?  Yeah that’s what i thought.  Team Joffrey!
But yeah let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’s still Friday and that is the gddamn Money!!  Friday should actually be the best day of the week, because once you leave work that is the longest possible time before you have to be at work again.  But Friday nights are typically ruined by being super tired from the long week, so unless you go to a happy hour RIGHT after work you usually just go home, have a glass or bottle of wine by yourself and the next thing you know you’re passed out at 10 pm not returning any of the messages your friends left for you.

So basically my point is go to gddamn happy hour for crying out loud!!  You spend all week hanging out with these people in a cubicle doing bull$hit work while listening to whiny clients bitch about everything and nothing.  You’ll suffer though all that awfulness with those people at work, so you might as well go have a drink and a few appetizers and laughs on a Friday before you pass out early yet again!

But i gotta be honest kids, i don’t know what’s been happening to me lately.  Because i am on FIRE!!  And no, i don’t mean fire as in flaming gay, i mean that i’m on fire as in a fire burns in my stomach and heart that craves penis.  NO!!  i mean that for some reason lately things have just been really going good for me.  For some reason everything’s coming up Millhouse!!  Basically what i’m saying is that with all due respect, my life is incredibly awesome right now, way better then all of yours.  And remember i’m saying this with all due respect, just like Ricky Bobby.  
But just as an example, did i tell all of you that i went to see Joe Rogan do stand up comedy last Friday?  i should have, Rogan is one of my favorite comics/people on this planet.  Some of you may remember him as the “Fear Factor”guy, while others of you probably know him from his commentary on the UFC.  A few others might even know he does stand up comedy, and maybe one or two of you know that he does a podcast called, “The Joe Rogan Experience.”  And as much as like his stand up, and as much as i would hate to watch the UFC without him doing commentary, if i had to pick one thing for him to stick to it would be his podcast because man it is the best thing EVER!
If you’ve never heard it and i’m assuming you guys haven’t, it’s usually just him and his friend Brian Redban talking, and they usually have a guest on as well.  The guests are normally comics, but sometimes he has other celebrities or UFC fighters or just interesting people in general.  And he just hangs with them and talks about whatever, and it usually lasts over 2 hours.  Sound interesting to you?  Probably not because i did the worst job ever of explaining it.  But it’s the gddamn money!!  There are no breaks, and after they talk about the sponsors in the beginning of the show they literally just bull$hit about whatever they want for a few hours and then it’s over.  Sounds simple enough, but if you listen to other shows on the radio and hear all the shock jock garbage and nonstop commercials and breaks and the “forced” interviews that take place over whatever horrible product the person is selling, a podcast like Rogan’s is the best thing ever.
And i got to meet him last Friday!  After the show he hung out after and took pictures with whoever waited in line to see him.  And lucky for me 2 of my friends were already on the front of the line and i got to sneak in with them so i didn’t even have to wait.  Oh and before the show started i was walking the street and saw Joey “Coco” Diaz walk into a pizza shop and i got my picture with him too.  And i know some of you don’t know who Joe Rogan is but i know even more of you don’t know who Joey Diaz is.  And that’s just a crime because he is super hilarious too!

But yeah back to my original point i’m kind of living the best life ever.  Oh and because oh yeah there are also two other things i haven’t even told you about yet.  One is that i’m seeing the Silversun Pickups play a show on Cinco De Mayo this Sunday.  In addition my brother Ray let me know he got tickets to a Beck show in Brooklyn this August and he just hooked up tickets for that as well.  Oh and speaking of brothers my younger brother Tomas just told the entire family as well as everyone that he and his wife are expecting a baby in November, so apparently i’m going to be an uncle again.  Why is all of this good stuff happening to me??  i certainly don’t deserve it but whatever, i’m not gonna question it.  Life usually sucks my butthole so if it’s gonna be money right now i’m gonna take it!!

Oh and last and definitely least, my college friends that i do my annual camping trip with are coming by tomorrow to get whooped up in pong by yours truly.  Oh that’s right Johnny Lats, all the overhead pull downs and seated rows in the world won’t save you tomorrow my friend.  Bring on the weekend bitches!!  

Look at those lats…

-Speaking of best life ever, after the show i made sure to hit up the grease trucks at Rutgers in New Brunswick, just to confirm that it was the greatest night EVER.  If you don’t know what the grease trucks are you obviously didn’t see the Rutgers edition of “Man v Food” and you are blowing it.  But basically the grease truck serves normal  cheesesteak or chicken sandwiches, except on top of each one they add some of your favorite toppings like french fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers and jalapeno poppers.  So yeah it’s basically an orgasm in your mouth, i would suggest putting on a condom before eating just so you don’t ruin your shorts.

-Speaking of having the perfect life, does everyone realize that “Arrested Development” is coming back for a 4th season this month?!?!  That’s right kids, if you never saw this show you have until May 26th to watch every episode and get in on what is one of the funniest television shows of all time!  And when you do catch up, pictures like these will be guaranteed to make you laugh!

Whatever Happened To…  “Pinky and the Brain?”

Does anyone remember this cartoon?  That was definitely my favorite part of Animaniacs, although in general i was just a big fan of that show.  But the premise of Pinky and the Brain was comedy gold.  A genetically engineered mouse that is super smart, so much so that he wants to take over the world!  But also with him is his best friend and super moron Pinky who has a big heart and is an even bigger dumbass, and when these two were together hilarity ensued!  Which is normally something i would say when i’m being sarcastic, but for real i love this show and wonder what the F happened to it.  
And this is the part where Jewell Wikipedia’s this show and let’s me know what they are up to now.  Because apparently Jewell hates this bit because while i do ask the question “Whatever happened to…” i never really answer it.  Which just goes to show how observant Jewell is and what a poor writer i happen to be.

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i think Egg rolls are weird and disgusting.  i always give them a chance, mostly because they are free and i love free stuff.  But ugh, i just can’t dig them.  What are they anyway?  It’s like fried cole slaw and Chinese onions are weird stuff like cat and whatever.  That’s what they taste like to me anyways.  And i try them in different sauces but it is always still just kinda gross and i can’t eat more then one or two bites before i’m finito.  And i wish i could get another free thing when i order Chinese food instead of Egg rolls since i don’t dig them.  Like i wish i could get boneless barbecue spare ribs instead or that garbage.  “But miguel they can’t do that, that costs so much more!  They’d never do that switch!”  That’s why i said “i wish” ahole.  What am i not gonna wish for the best possible thing?  Please don’t take away my dreams.

Fast Food Tips – With the weather FINALLY warming up, it’s time to get ready for the wonderful summer deals that will be unveiled by fast food places everywhere.  Now while Burger King might not have the best treats, it’d be hard to say they don’t have the cheapest!  This is because BK has just introduced their new Frozen Coke and Frozen Cherry drinks for 75 cents!  Even my Jewish friend Chuck can afford to take his family out with prices like these!  Which is f*cked up to say, because Chuck isn’t even that cheap.  He just likes to be “aware” of what everyone is paying towards the bill, and he truly believes a penny saved is a penny earned.  And i mean he REALLY believes that because i swear if that kid sees a penny on the street even if there is a ton of traffic he starts RUNNING towards it!!

i love you Ruckus! Can’t wait to see you fools 2mrw!

OMG miguel please keep telling us about your perfect life!”  Thanks, person who definitely didn’t think or say that.  i appreciate you rooting for me.  And don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of $hitty things going on with me that i could be depressed about like my finances and job situation and what not.  i just choose to be happy because what else are you going to do in this life?

So i hope you all choose to do the same, i hope you all start listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, and i hope all of you have as great of a weekend as i’m about to have, even though that’s impossible!

Cya Tuesday,  @migueljose_85


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