Oh, recycling is useless, Lis. Once the sun burns out, this planet is doomed. You’re just making sure we spend our last days using inferior products. – Bart Simpson

23 Apr

What is up kids?

Happy Earth Day!  Although yeah i know i’m a day late.  But did everyone have an amazing Earth day yesterday? Or wait, maybe i should ask did everyone even KNOW it was Earth day yesterday?  i’m guessing you did, because now that the entire planet is on Facebook (although apparently none of them are using this new “Facebook Home” nonsense) then somebody you know posted something about it on Monday.

But miguel jose, how do YOU feel about Earth day?”  It’s funny you ask, because i have to admit i’m pretty torn.  Because it’s tough to have much faith in the human race these days kids.  i mean just look at last week!  We had a terrorist attack where 4 innocent people were killed, we had a “death threat” on our President from an Elvis impersonator, and the Senate blocked a vote on background checks that 90% of the country supports, including NRA members and gun owners.  i mean for real, what the f*ck is going on in this country right now?

Which is why it’s easy to give up hope on humanity, especially on Earth day.  Because while many of us hope to one day stop destroying this planet and in turn doom our chances of survival, the rest of us have zero problem letting the garbage pile up and the air and water get ruined just so we can keep enjoying being willfully ignorant to what we are doing to this planet…

And i have to be honest, it probably doesn’t help that one of the people i looked up to the most HATED Earth Day.  Although rather then me try to explain why he hates it, i’ll let him tell you himself with a bit from one of the greatest stand up specials of all time , “Jammin in New York” by George Carlin:

-We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails!” And the greatest arrogance of all: Save the planet! Save the planet?  We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet!

I’m tired of this $hit. I’m tired of f*cking Earth Day. I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don’t give a $hit about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that some day in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … 

And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!  We’re going away. Pack your $hit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam.  The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone.  And it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here???”

Plastic… a$$hole! – George Carlin

So yeah that’s one way to look at it i guess haha.  And while normally i agree with most of what Carlin says, i have to say i don’t hate all environmentalists.  i mean yeah i hate pretentious aholes that only pretend to care in order to make themselves look good to others.  Or the people who preach about “being green” just because they have a lot of money and nothing else to do with their time.  But there are also people like Leigh who runs the Green4U blog, who fight for the cause just because it’s the right thing to do.  Leigh isn’t a rich entitled celebrity with nothing but time on her hands to do things like this.  She’s a working mother of two children under four.  And because of her lifelong dedication and strong belief in protecting the environment she decided to start a blog in order to teach her children as well as the world some easy ways we can all make a difference to try and keep this planet as beautiful as we can for as long as we can.  Does that sound like a pretentious rich ahole to me?  Definitely not, it’s quite the opposite in fact.

We should all thank Leigh for giving this planet a chance, because with all the soulless corporations making tons of money destroying and polluting this Earth, we have to have some good people fighting for the other side.  And lucky for us we have someone like Leigh on ours! 

And i’m thankful for that, because Lord knows i haven’t been a help at all.  She’s creating and writing blogs in order to educate and inform people about what simple changes we can make in our daily lifestyle that can really affect our planet for the better!  Meanwhile Captain Dumbass here does noting but tell jokes about drinking Natty light and eating fast food until i’m puking and deucing myself to no end in the shower in hopes of getting immature laughs to feed my impossible ego and to give me all of the attention that i’m obviously so desperately trying to get.

In other words, i totally support people like Leigh who are brave enough and strong enough to do what i cannot.  So thanks to her for fighting the good fight for this little blue green ball we all enjoy living on so much.  And for those of you who actually do care about this planet and would like to read a blog that isn’t just about “Great Names for Punk Bands!” and nonstop pictures of a super hot 19 year old Kate Upton, go check out the Green4u blog and do what you can to be on the right side of this battle!


-Speaking of Kate Upton pics, i’d better post some ASAP before my faithful readers think i’m getting soft on them.  Which couldn’t be further from the truth, because i always get hard thinking about my readers!  And to repay the favor here are some pics that will give even the straightest woman a boner!  
My penis is the Captain, and he’s cruising for a bruising from Kate!
Insert your “Please grab my cock Kate!” joke here…
 A Great Name for a Punk Band!  “The Check Minuses” 
-It what can only be called the “Biggest tragedy to happen last week,” Cops busted up a huge 420 party at UCSC where 5000 fun people were living the dream.  Not only that, but they also confiscated a two pound joint amongst boos and jeers from the crowd.  And who could blame them?  i know that i would…. wait a minute, did i just say those motherf*ckers had a TWO POUND JOINT?!??!  Holy S balls that is the greatest thing i have ever heard!  i’ve literally only ever had one dream in my life kids, and that was to become a “legal” citizen of this country and stop hiding the fact that i am really “miguel sanchez” and while hanging outside of a Home Depot one day i was able to switch places with another Mexican boy who was already here legally without his parents ever noticing.  But now my second dream in my life is to find and take a hit off this 2 pound joint!!
Way to go dick
ONE HITTERS: Am i the only person on the planet who watches “Game of Thrones” and is 100% on Team Joffrey??
Way to go dick!
“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – There is no such thing as leftover jello shots at a party.  Ever.  No matter how many jello shots you make they will be finished by the end of the night, actually way before the end of the night.  Even people who don’t drink or do shots will do a jello shot, i mean why the f not it’s f’n jello for crying out loud.  So just do the gddamn jello shot already you pu$$y!

Fast Food Tips –Whenever you are at a fast food place that gives you the little paper or plastic containers to hold ketchup, make sure to steal and take home a ton of them.  “But why miguel?  Why would i need those to hold ketchup in those little things at home when i have an entire bottle in my fridge?  Or even 20 bottles if my name is Johnny Lats and i’m a psycho who can’t have enough ketchup?”  Well it’s because they are not for ketchup you silly goose.  Those containers are perfect for making jello shots!   Why go to the store to try and find them when you  go eat fast food like a disgusting slob AND go home and get bombed on jello shots by yourself.  That doesn’t sound like a depressing Friday night at all!  Oh and since it’s Earth day, don’t forget when you’re done to recycle those $hits!
And that’s enough free ha ha’s for one blog don’t ya think?  You don’t?  Well i don’t care.  Start your own gddamn blog and do whatever you want!  Because i’m done for today, even though apparently my work is just starting.  i’m still working on the bits that i’m going to put up on my youtube channel that i talked to you about previously that i’m sure none of you remember. And i also got some other items on the horizon that i plan to share with you shortly, maybe Friday.  Or maybe not.  Either way i’ll be back on Friday with an all new blog, so i will see you kids then!
Cya Friday, @migueljose_85

3 Responses to “Oh, recycling is useless, Lis. Once the sun burns out, this planet is doomed. You’re just making sure we spend our last days using inferior products. – Bart Simpson”

  1. Leigh April 23, 2013 at 4:57 pm #

    Thanks for the Earth Day support Miguel and for not calling me a pretentious self-righteous environmentalist!

    I appears from the pictures you posted that Kate Upton is also an environmentalist, she is minimalist with her clothing and she appears to be homesteading (chicken keeping) allowing her to have locally sourced eggs. She is role model.

    Remember recycle those Natty Light cans the next day when you are sober enough to clean up the beer pong table.


  2. Lat Man and Robin April 24, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

    If you use ketchup for lube, like I do, then you don’t mind her period so much. Especially the taste. But let’s keep our eye on the ball here- when are we getting a photo of Kate Upton doing a lat raises? I think most of us would settle for a shoulder press, but for the record that would be bush league sh*t.

    C’mon kate, 10 pounders, PUT ‘EM UP, sieg WHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    The caption could be Kate puts up ten. get it? never mind, you do the jokes.


  3. Sensi Pearl April 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

    I’m sorry to see that kate is your fav, Miguel. She may be an official super model, but you and I could have had a lot more fun. I'm a huge fan of yours. And I’ve always had a thing for funny brown guys. -Sensi


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: