i know you don’t smoke weed, i know this. But i’m gonna get you HIGH today. Cause it’s Friday, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got $hit to do! – Smokey "Friday"

Happy Holiday!

THE “420” BLOG

What is up Stoners?

Happy Holiday!  Although yeah i know i’m a day early.  420 is tomorrow, but we all know there’s no way i’m posting a new blog on a Saturday.  So you’ll just have to celebrate this holiday TWO days in a row instead of one.  Sounds like the money deal to me!

And i’m glad 4/20 is on a Saturday this year, because it’s rough when 4/20 falls on a work day.  Maybe it’s just me, but i always felt shady using an hour of vacation time just so i could leave work an hour early at 4 instead of 5 pm “because um, i had to be somewhere…” And then hope i made it to my car in twenty minutes.  Although no one at work ever figured out what i was doing.  Mostly because people who don’t blaze just don’t get it.  How can people who don’t get stoned all the time be so non observant and stupid?  What’s the point of having all of your brain cells if you’re so clueless about everything?

Here’s a tip, if you ever see me by myself or with a group of people sitting in a parked car for no reason, we are smoking a blunt.  Or possibly a bowl.  Regardless, there is no way we are sitting just there “talking” to each other.  If you haven’t noticed already us guys  never talk to each other ever.  Women can’t understand that.  They will be like, “You saw Tommy?  How is he?  How old are his kids now?  How’s his wife doing?  Did they get that new house?  What’s going on with his job?”  And every guy is like “None idea, i didn’t ask.”  Which is always followed by “OMG!! How did you not talk about that!! You hung out with him for 5 hours!!”  Which is when i go, “i don’t know, but he does think Jeter being out longer then expected is really going to hurt the Yankees chances this year.  And we’re both fired up for the draft! Even though the Giants schedule is tough as f*ck this year…”  These are the kinds of things guys talk about.  We talk about stuff like this because real life sucks, and we’d rather talk about anything else like movies and sports.  You know, fun things.

But today’s blog isn’t about how much women love talking and how there’s no way a man can listen to her AND the television at the same time.  It’s about that wonderful, glorious weed!  Although even though this is my special “420” blog, i don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.  Because if i’m being totally honest with all of you, i have to admit that i am someone who has never smoked “the pot.” i don’t even know how accurate any of my statements are on the subject.  i don’t even get how you do it!   Do you eat it?  Do you inject it?  i won’t do that, i hate needles!!  In fact, i think that people who are users are abusers.  i think smokers are jokers!  And i’m not a chicken, you’re a turkey!  You know, all that garbage they used to tell us.

From you alright!  i learned it from watching you!

So despite my lack of personal knowledge on the subject of weed, i’m pretty sure i can still write a funny blog about it.  Unless of course if out of nowhere i just get lazy and distracted.  And then i end up eating fast food and watching cartoons all day instead of writing this blog.  Which let’s be honest could actually happen.  In fact, if there is no new blog up right now then i apologize in advance.  i must have lost track of things…

This isn’t trippy at all!

But whatever you do, don’t let people tell you that weed will ruin your life.  Sure it makes some of us a lazy pieces of $hit, but that doesn’t mean it can’t help other people get so high that they can fly to the heavens!

But when it comes down to it, the best thing about smoking weed (from what i hear) is smoking weed with friends.  i mean don’t get me wrong, when it’s just me and my girlfriend Mary Jane i have no problem keeping her all to myself.  We make sweet and passionate love when it’s just the two of us, so i will never complain about that.  But i’m an extremely giving person!  i like to share with those i care about.  Which is why there is nothing better then to share my girl with my best friend.  Or even two or more of my best friends for that matter.  Or share her with another girl!  It’s actually even better when sharing my girlfriend with another woman.  Or two or more women!  Or even when i share her with people i hardly know! In a small room downstairs, or even outside at a crowded party!

The point of all this is that it’s just a great feeling to share my love with the world.  And it’s even better when people share their love back with me!  Because when a joint or bowl are being passed around, everything and everyone is mad cool.  Which i’m guessing is the reason weed isn’t legal in the first place.  We can’t have the public getting along with each other!  Alcohol leads to depression and anger and fighting and death.  Weed leads to M&M’s and watching funny movies and taking random naps.  i guess we’d better arrest those trouble makers!

Although it is sounding like weed may finally be legal in this country someday.  Which is good because there are still WAY too many uptight buttholes about weed these days.  i mean relax people, it’s a gddamn plant on the Earth.  i don’t know why people are totally fine with people taking random pills that scientists concoct several times a day.  But if a guy smokes a joint and goes out and buys a sausage Sicilian pizza for himself and ends up punishing the toilet bowl later crying with no shirt on, all of a sudden the cops need to be called.  i was hot and i was hungry!  Which is the same line the nerdy blonde kid used when Val Kilmer accused him of being in his room naked eating jello in “Real Genius.”  Do you guys love that movie!  i love that movie!!

But back to my point, Colorado and Washington have gotten it right already.  Which means there are only 48 more states to go!  But regardless of whenever it is the rest of planet realizes how great weed is, i’m still going to support it.  i may not know what it’s like to hit that sweet sweet chiba, and how amazing it feels when that hot precious smoke goes deep into your lungs.  Your capillaries breaking in your face, as you do your best to hold all of that goodness in.  And then comes the sweet release of the herb from your chest, back into the world as you turn your light-headed dome that is filled with bliss towards the television and suddenly have a craving for chocolate.

Sure work was the WORST this week and your boss totally sucks ass.  And you realize that everyone who runs your company is a brain dead moron who doesn’t even notice that everything is crumbling around them.  And maybe you’ve been struggling with those bills day in and day out and sometimes you just have no idea how you’re ever going to make it.

None of that seems to matter when it you take that hit.  When it goes down smooth when i get a clean hit of that skunky, funky, smelly green $hit.  Sing my song puff all night long… as i take hits from the bong!  So enjoy the holiday weekend kids.  Grab your best buds and then grab your best buds, and do what i try to do myself every single day.  And that’s share the love!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-So if there was ever a blog i didn’t want to talk politics it’s this one, but i can’t BELIEVE the Senate couldn’t pass that half assed bill on background checks for guns!  Really you aholes??  90% of the country supports background checks, yet 46 pieces of $hit have to vote against it and stop the law.  Man it’s hard to love this country sometimes, but then i also remember we are the a$$holes who voted George W Bush as our President for 8 years in a row.  But f*ck you congress for always being the worst.  And to the people of Newtown please know the rest of the country hasn’t forgotten you, only the people who run the NRA and the Republican party.  Not NRA members and Republicans, because they are also part of that 90%.  i’m talking about the people with all of the power and money that only see people as numbers and dollar signs.  Those people can lick my taint and die.

But yeah, politics are the WORST.  i’m going to still pay attention to them because i refuse to stay deaf and blind to what the owners of this place plan to do.  But i’m also going to treat them the same way President Obama treated his college years…

 

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE -“All you can eat!”pancake deals are garbage and are a scam.  For real, how many gddamn pancakes can i eat even if i’m starving?  4?  Maybe 5 if i feel like being super full all day and then throwing up everywhere?  And you have to eat all the pancakes in one sitting.  Nothing is worse then trying to eat a reheated pancake the next day.  It’s rubbery nonsense!  They taste awful and inedible, and all the butter and syrup in the world can’t save them.  So yeah don’t fall for that “All you can eat” bull$hit when it comes to pancakes because you’re going to end up saving like none duckets.  IHOP should be a gddamn shamed of themselves.

Miguel’s “420” Money Movie Review – So for my money the best movies about weed are “Half Baked,””Pineapple Express,””Grandma’s Boy,””Friday”(of course), and the ultra cool documentary “Super High Me” by Doug Benson.  Have you ever heard of that movie?  It’s like the documentary “Supersize Me” where the guy eats fast food for 30 days straight, but instead this guy films himself smoking weed every day for a month.  They do all these medical tests and stuff, it’s really cool.

But “Friday” would definitely be the money movie to watch today, because for real it’s always more fun to watch that movie on a Friday.  But “Half Baked” is  also fantastic, and it has Dave Chappelle years before he got mega famous and went nuts or whatever happened with him.  And if you’ve never seen “Pineapple Express” but you enjoy smoking that sticky icky you should definitely check it out!  It’s basically Die Hard for stoners .  And oh yeah f*ck “127 Hours,” James Franco should have won the academy award for his incredible performance as a drug dealer in this film.

So if you’re sitting at home right now celebrating the holiday and you are too lazy to think of a movie to watch, i just gave a bunch of the moneyest ones for 4/20.  You are welcome!

Oh wait, how could i forget Kohl’s favorite film about weed? Although that kid is mad lame and doesn’t smoke.  “Whoo hoo i like to stay motivated and i’m an adult!”  What guy draws comic strips and doesn’t smoke weed?  You’re lucky you like alcohol so much or i would just beat you up.  Anyways, i’m ruining this joke but one other film that i forgot to mention is a chilling horror film that is great for 4/20!  It’s about a mad scientist who surgically attaches his victims from mouth to butthole in an attempt to make the biggest bong EVER!  i’m talking of course, of the “Human Smokipede!”

i call front middle!

“MOMbook posters”- i seriously doubt that there are any moms out there that are cool enough to do this.  But if you are out there just know i think you are the coolest mom ever!!

Fast Food Tips – In an effort to try and compete with Subway’s “healthy” image, McDonald’s just introduced their new “Chicken McWraps.”  Probably because most people hear “wrap” and think it’s healthy even though 95% of the time it isn’t.  It looks like they will have three types, the “Veggie, Classic, and Bacon.” And it also looks like all three of these are awful.  i’d stay away from these, and McDonald’s in general for that matter.  But i would still go there before i went to Subway, because Subway is a soul crushing house of poor meat and stale flavorless bread and vegetables.  i’m lovin’ it!

That’s it for me today kids.  i hope everyone enjoyed today’s blog, it’s definitely the most fun i’ve had writing one in a long time haha.  And oh yeah, i changed the “Comments” section so that it is hopefully easier to leave a comment now.  But no one has made one since i changed it, so for the love of Pete someone make a comment today so i can see if this works!!!

And have a great holiday weekend!  i’ll see you kids back here on Tuesday!!

Cya, @migueljose_85

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