I don’t vote. First of all it’s meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The $hit they shovel around every 4 years doesn’t mean a f*cking thing – George Carlin

26 Mar

What is up kids?

Is everyone doing money on this fine Tuesday?  i know you all missed me TONS when i took off last Friday after hitting that 200 milestone.  “Yeah for real, way to go miguel.  You write an amazing 200th blog that you get a TON of people to read, and then you take Friday off and every one’s forgotten about you and no one cares anymore.  That’ll make you famous jerk0ff!

Well happy Tuesday to you too guy!  i’m guessing now is a bad time to tell you that i’m taking off this Friday as well?  Because now you’re REALLY going to think i’m a useless big fat piece of $hit.  Which is a statement that i cannot say is not untrue, but me taking off a couple of Fridays once in my miserable life shouldn’t kill you THAT much.  Well except for Stefanie, who puts all this pressure on me to make her horrific days at work better during her lunch break.  Although when you think about it her and all of you could always go back and read an old blog of mine.  Most of which i’m sure you all have forgotten by now.  So yeah when i take a day off it’s never a bad thing to go back and read some of the old ones.  i HAVE written 200 of them ya know…

But whatever, my sloth and laziness is a story for another day. Today i want to talk about voting.  And it couldn’t be a better time to bring it up, considering the election has already passed and we don’t vote for a new President for another 4 years.  Man i’m a Johnny come douchebag.

But this is actually a very important week for voting, as the Supreme Court will be making some huge rulings about gay marriage.  One on Prop 8 and one on the issue of DOMA.  And like myself it’s kind of a big deal.  Because it’s one thing to say that we accept gay marriage in this country, but it’s another to put those words into law.  And that is hopefully what we are working our way towards now.

Although when you think about it, how crazy is it that gay marriage is still even an issue in this country?  Why do we have laws on the books that stop two people in love from getting married?  What kind of people or organization would want to stop that??  “Religious people!”  Oh true, good point Jay John.  But at the same time, don’t we try to pretend in this country that we separate church and state?  Shouldn’t the church not have an effect on what EVERYBODY in this country, including two same sex people who don’t follow their religion be free to do with their love?

That’s a nice thought, but the truth is that unless you have a powerful backed lobby you can’t get ANY rights for yourself in this country.  Look at the NRA.  No one fights for their rights harder then gun owners.  Even after the Newtown tragedy this country still can’t pass any gun safety laws because of how powerful the NRA is and what pu$$ies congress are.  They can’t even pass the Assault weapon ban which used to be the law of the land until shady NRA backed Republicans got rid of it.  This country can’t even pass universal background checks which 91% of the country favors!!  Way to represent your people aholes.  91% of the country supports background checks and you still won’t pass a law for them.

And why won’t they pass any laws?  Besides just the powerful gun lobbies in this country i mean.  It’s because “It’s in the Constitution!!  It’s our rights as an American to own a gun and i will die fighting for them!!” Okay fine, if that’s what you want to use your passion to fight for so be it.  But have you ever thought about using that passion to fight for gay rights?  Have you ever thought about fighting for the right to love whoever you want, and marry the person you love whomever it may be? No, you never seem to say anything about that.  It’s crazy to me that people can spend all their life and all of their money fighting for a weapon that has the ability to kill and end human life.  But when it comes to fighting for the love between two people everyone all of a sudden gets silent.  It’s sad really.

And even if the Supreme Court blows it this week and they certainly could, i do think the shift towards excepting gays in the country has changed forever and for that i could not be happier.  The battle may not be won this week but it is being won, it’d just be nice if the Supreme Court and our government hopped on this homosexual bandwagon sooner rather then later.

And one last thing about the Carlin quote i used to start my blog today.  It’s a great quote but for once i will admit i do not agree with him.  i think Carlin was not only the greatest comedian of all time, but he was actually a prophet whose teachings i almost always follow.  At the same time however, if there was anyone ever who wanted people to question everything they read and hear and not just blindly follow anything it was him.  And while i do agree this country is bought and paid for by the corporations and the wealthy, i disagree that voting is meaningless.  There was a big difference between Obama and Romney, and it did matter who won that election.  i mean yeah all the banks and all the same lobbies and billionaires still run everything.  That won’t change no matter who is President.  But important social issues like gay marriage, being pro-choice, giving health care to millions of people who didn’t have it.  These things matter, which means it wasn’t meaningless to vote for Obama.  Sure it sucks that we have to choose between the lesser of two evils.  But when you look at the alternative that we could have had you can’t tell me that voting is meaningless…

-If you’re wondering the reason i will never lose weight, besides the fact that i’m lazy and never exercise and/or eat healthy… Actually there are no other reasons that is pretty much it.  But even when i do try to be good, some place has to create a new food item that only a big bag of douche would ever refuse.  And today that place is “Sugar and Plumm”, a store that is close to my house and in addition was also spawned by Satan himself.  These unhealthy maniacs created the greatest milkshake of all time called, “The Waffle & Bacon Shake”.  This orgasmic delight consists of vanilla ice cream, Vermont maple syrup, candied bacon and a mini waffle.  And if you just creamed your pants and need to re-hear what i just said you are correct, i said “candied bacon”.  When i say i ordered one of these bad boys and made sweet love to it i am not exaggerating.  Here is what the shake looked like before i dipped my own candied bacon inside and coated it with some of “miguel’s finest” maple syrup…

Some of you may be wondering, “Why didn’t you put that in “Fast Food Tips”?” And the answer is that wasn’t a tip of any kind.  It’s just that when i die of a heart attack this week and all of you are wondering “How did that happen?!?!”  You can now look at this picture and realize you should have seen it coming…

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – To those of you who throw parties, don’t you wonder if smokers realize the butts they throw all over the ground when they are at your house don’t just “disappear”?  It’s bad enough you’re a dirty filthy scumbag smoker, but in addition to that you need to throw your disgusting butts all over my yard when you’re done?  That’s awesome, there’s only empty beer cans and bottles everywhere.  Please don’t put them there, i’d much rather the fun of going through my grass picking up your sweaty repulsive butts you kindly left all over the place.  Way to go dirtbags.

-Have all of you heard the story about that kid who asked Kate Upton to his Senior prom on a Youtube video??  If you haven’t read the story you can do so HERE, but basically some ahole asked my future wife if she’d like to go to the prom with him and the video went viral.  And of course Kate saw it and of course she said if she wasn’t busy that she would love to go!!  But now it turns out her schedule is too busy, and just the other day she let him know she can’t make it.  You would think this is the part where i say how amazing and beautiful and super hot Kate Upton is and post a bunch of pictures showing how incredibly perfect she is.  But you would think wrong sucka!!  Instead i want to talk about the BALLS that this kid has asking my girl out on a date.  Oh really?  You made a youtube video for her?  i’ve written 200 plus blogs about my love for this woman you little prick, who the F are you to try and talk to my girl??!!? And yeah i may not mention her every blog, but in the back of my mind all of this is for her.

So for real, you’d better watch yourself you dorky virgin a$$hole.  i may be out of shape but i could easily beat up some non-prom date having teenager who’s face is probably greasier then those new Pizza Hut sliders.  i’ll let you get away with it this time because i’m guessing you don’t know any better.  But watch yourself son!  Because if you try to talk to my girl again you are definitely going to have a date for the prom.  And by you i mean your face, and by date i mean with my fist!

Speaking of Kate Upton, isn’t she amazing and beautiful and super hot???  i feel like i should post a bunch of pictures showing how perfect she is…




Call me “3rd Base” because POP goes the Weasel!!!   C’mon Jewell, that was the MONEY…

Fast Food Tips – So let’s be honest, China whoops America’s ASS when it comes to education.  Well maybe not all the subjects, just math and science.  But apparently winning the knowledge war is not enough for them, so now they are creating fast food items so fantastic that they they will soon be superior to us in that field as well.  Which is SHOCKING when you think of how many fat ass f*cks we have eating nonstop garbage and shoveling horrific things down our gullets daily in this country, present company included.

But China has upped the bar with it’s new “Sausage Double Beef Burger” that is good enough to sell in McDonalds in China but not good enough to sell right here in the U S and A.  This monstrosity has two sausages on TOP of two beef patties, covered in mustard on a bun.  If your stomach and anus just hurt thinking about it, here’s a picture that is sure to get you running to the bathroom immediately!  Me Deucey long time!

And that’s it for me this week kids!  i’ll be back here next Tuesday and then from now on no more breaks for a hot one.  Or maybe i will, you’re not the boss of me!  But thanks for reading blog #201, like that homosexual bandwagon i mentioned earlier this train isn’t going to stop, so make sure you come back next Tuesday to check out my sexy Caboose!

Cya Tuesday!! – @migueljose_85


5 Responses to “I don’t vote. First of all it’s meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The $hit they shovel around every 4 years doesn’t mean a f*cking thing – George Carlin”

  1. Leigh March 26, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

    Can I add this mind blowing fact to your comment about the cigarette butts in your yard… it is crazy:

    Worldwide, approximately 10 million cigarettes are purchased a MINUTE, 15 billion are sold each day, and upwards of 5 trillion are produced and used on an annual basis. Five trillion cigarette filters weigh approximately 2 billion pounds. It's estimated that trillions of filters, filled with toxic chemicals from tobacco smoke, make their way into our environment as discarded waste yearly.

    So your yard could be a lot dirtier!

    PS that hamburger hot dog thing is one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen


  2. Miguel José March 26, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

    i feel like half of those trillion of filters were in my yard after my last party haha. But yeah that is the WORST, cigarettes kill you, anyone around you, and the planet. Yet it's completely legal! Thank you tobacco lobby!

    And yes that sandwich does look horrific, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't eat one and then spend the rest of the night on the bowl regretting it. That's more because i'm not that smart though i think…


  3. Anonymous March 26, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    you definitely get the gasface for the 3rd bass reference


  4. Anonymous March 26, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

    Why dont they let us sin in peace. U dont see jews trying to ban bacon cuz they cant eat it.


  5. Senor Lats March 27, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

    A blog in support of gay marriage, huh? I always got the feeling you were staring at my lats, but I thought you were just admiring the size and definition. Now I know what you really want. Well, you can have it, including my protein shakes, if you know what I mean. JK. Go gay marriage.. they deserve to be miserable like the rest of us. still kidding.. but I love that joke.


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