Alright y’all, get your weed out. Get yo meth, get your skins. And don’t forget your 40. And we gonna do it like this! – Method Man

1 Mar

“i got fat bags of skunk, i got White Owl blunts
And i’m about to go get lifted, yes i’m about to go get lifted.
i got, myself a 40
i got, myself a shorty
And i’m about to go and stick it, yes i’m about to go and stick it, UHH

H-U-F-F Huff, and i puff.  Blow like snow when the cold winds blowing zoom.
i hit the mic like BOOM!  Wrote a blog about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes…”

What is up kids?

A little Method Man to start your weekend off right!  Although where has that cat been?  After “Tical” all he did was that “How High” movie and then no one’s ever heard from him again.  Oh well, that’s still the money jam right there.

Anyways, thanks to everyone who liked and/or shared/re-tweeted my blog from Tuesday!  i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it, you guys must REALLY love “Here Comes the Money”! Or wait, is it just because of your love of free pizza?  It’s the free pizza you can win if you do any of those things, isn’t it?  Oh well, what can i do.  Apparently all of my readers are Jewish, so sue me.  No wait, don’t sue me if you’re Jewish!  Just keep making great movies in Hollywood and have my bagels ready bright and early!  Mazeltov!

What the hell was i just talking about? Oh yeah, for real, thank you to all of you who are helping spread the word on this blog.  And don’t forget, you have until Sunday night at midnight to keep doing so in order to win a free pizza!  Anyone who liked or commented on my last blog (on my actual blog or on my blog’s Facebook page at Here Comes the Money FB) or re-tweeted my blog on Twitter has a chance to win, and if you do it for today’s blog you have another chance as well!  Honestly, go tell people how funny i am for crying out loud!  If i’m ever going to dominate this planet it’s going to have to start now that’s for sure.  i’m definitely not getting younger!  “Or skinnier!”  That’s right, or skinnier!  And oh yeah, f*ck you!

Anyways, good luck to all of you trying to win! For this blog i’m giving you an additional way to enter this contest.  Anyone who becomes a “Follower” on my actual page gets a chance to win as well.  i’m at 41 followers right now but would LOVE to get to 42 some day…

And also to let you know, if you are a blond girl and you share or like my page you get DOUBLE the chances to win!  In addition,  if you’re 18-24 years old and you are a blond you automatically win!  And i’ll even deliver the pizza like this!

Here’s that pepperoni and sausage that you ordered!  And trust me, that’s not cheese!

Okay that’s enough of a rant for a Friday, don’t you think?  It’s a beautiful day to be alive my friends, and i couldn’t be more fired up for the weekend as should you.  You wait all week at your dumb job for this day so make today count!  But make sure to spread the word of my blog while you do so please! 🙂

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Has anyone seen these commercials for the new Lays potato chips?  Apparently they are having a contest to pick a new type of chip, and the new flavors are “Chicken and Waffles,” “Cheesy Garlic Bread”, and “Sriracha.”  Which is funny because even though they are Lays and not Pringles i have a feeling that once you POP you can’t stop!  Because just hearing about them i just POPPED in my pants!  Anyways these new flavors sound money right?  Well don’t ask me because i wouldn’t know.  i’ve been looking for them and i can’t find these $hits ANYWHERE.  For real, what is the point of having the best flavors of all time and not sell them in any stores?  i almost want to boycott these things out of spite.  But the truth is if i see them anywhere i’ll buy a bunch of bags and eat them all and end up crying naked in the shower hoping to wash off all of that shame and chip crumbs.  So yeah if anyone knows where they sell these bad boys please let me know!

The Money $hout-out of the Week-  “What you just displayed was not journalism; it was yellow journalism.  It wasn’t anything close to trying to tell the American people what’s really going on.  Every journalistic ethic i have ever heard of was just violated by you”  – Keith Ellison

If you didn’t hear that quote that was from congressman Keith Ellison who was a guest on the Sean Hannity show on Fox News.  If you don’t know Sean Hannity here is a picture of him in his earlier years…

Anyways this racist, arrogant, smug bag of douche Hannity had Democratic congressman Keith Ellison on earlier this week.  And after Hannity showed a completely biased and inaccurate video talking about how this sequester is completely Obama’s fault (which is odd because in order for that deal to be made Republicans had to agree to sign the bill which they did), as well as talk about how Obama is using the sequester as a way to scare the American public to go to war with Iraq because they have weapons of mass destruction.  Oh wait i’m sorry, that’s what George W did and Hannity never talks about that.

But yeah, normally this rectal itch only has like minded jerk offs on his show like Laura Ingram, Rush Limbaugh, Monica Crowley, Mark Levine, and any other people who hate minorities and the poor and have no idea what it means to love your country and want the best for it.  But this time he had an educated Democratic who wouldn’t even acknowledge the garbage Hannity was trying to push on his show.  So good for Keith Ellison who said what we all wish we could say right to Sean’s $hit eating grin.  No one ever calls him out to his face like that, and for doing so you get the “Money Shout Out” of the week!  And Hannity, keep pushing your lies ahole.  If the majority of America was buying your bull$hit you might still have a Republican in office.  Yet instead, most people have trouble believing that whole “Fair and Balanced” routine.  i wonder why???

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – i feel like it’d be the money if some other country gave us a nice present, like the way France gave us the Statue of Liberty. i mean that’s what the statue is, it was a gift. But i guess countries don’t do that anymore?  That sucks, because that statue wasn’t even built here and it’s one of the most symbolic images that our country has. Although when i think about it, i don’t know what gift any other country could give us. i mean i guess it could be ANOTHER statue, but it’s kinda been done already. So what else could it be? Maybe like a big lake? i mean OBVIOUSLY they can’t transport a lake from somewhere else over here.  But maybe if they sent over a bunch of people to come over and spend a few years digging out and creating this HUGE ginormous lake that’d be money. And maybe the country that gives us that gift could be Mexico, and we could have Mexicans come over and build this huge lake and then they get to stay here afterwards! And maybe the whole point of this bit is that i’m trying to think of ways to get my cousin and Auntie from Mexico over here and i’ve got zero ideas and this is the best i could do. So if anyone’s got any other plans i can try i’m all ears!
Fast Food Tips –

So for those of you who don’t already know this, i actually gave up eating Fast food for 2013.  “Really?  Then how come you are fatter then ever?”  Well besides the fact that i never exercise, it’s also because i don’t consider pizza places and deli’s fast food. And unfortunately you can get some pretty unhealthy fatty and awful foods at those places as well.  However, giving up fast food isn’t nearly as hard for me as you would think it would be.  Sure i still never tried the Taco Bell Doritos Locos taco, and a million other new fast food items that came out this year.  But for real it doesn’t really bother me at all and i have no problem giving it up…

Except for fast food breakfast.  i LOVE fast food breakfast!  Definitely when i’m hungover, but in general there is nothing more that i love than to wake up and shove some greasy nonsense into my mouth.  Which is also the name of the autobiography i am writing, “Shoving Greasy Nonsense Into My Mouth” by miguel jose.

But yeah i do miss fast food breakfast.  Which is why it hurts me to tell you that Burger King has new breakfast sandwiches that i’m going to need you all to try to let me know how fantastic they are.  The new “Bacon Gouda” sandwiches supposedly have eggs, thick cut smoked bacon, gouda cheese and an herb spread on either a biscuit, english muffin, or a croissant.  Damn i want one now, just reading that made me put a herb spread on the front of my boxer shorts.  And trust me, you don’t want to know where the gouda is coming out of.

Anyways, on top of that i guess BK has new coffee as well?  Because now you can get a small regular or iced coffee for 25 cents.  So if you’re an ahole with a sense of humor you should probably go to the drive through and order 5 bucks worth of 25 cents coffee just so they have to make them all and then drop them right in front of them.  i guarantee you can’t pull off a funnier joke for 5 beans.  But yeah kudos to Burger King for keeping breakfast my favorite meal, and please keep these sandwiches on the menu until next year when i can eat them!!

-Does everyone remember that hockey coach Martin Tremblay who tripped a 13 year old kid on the ice after the game?  Of course not, only Albin follows hockey.  Which sucks because he’s a dirty dirty Rangers fan.  Anyways, this 40 year old coach was a little heated that this child helped beat the team he was coaching, so when the team was shaking hands at the end of the game this guy decided to give this kid a little “gift”…

Classy move right?  Way to pick on some young kid you f’n big bully jerk off.  Oh and just so you know, that kid fractured both his wrists when he fell to the ice.  Because besides not thinking this coach was going to cheap shot him, he’s basically still a zygote and his bone structure isn’t that strong yet.

Anyways, every once in a while in life people get what’s coming to them.  And i’m happy to report that this guy’s life has taken a “Requiem for a Dream” type spiral that i can’t help feel he deserves.  Not only did his wife leave him and his construction business took a huge hit (for some reason people don’t want to do business with people who bully children), this guy was supposed to only get probation for what he did but the judge decided he should get 15 days in jail as well.  Which is why today i’m happy to say to a man who likes to show how tough he is by giving a cheap shot to a young child…

LATER DICK!

Man i love that bit.  i don’t know why i don’t drop “Later Dicks!” more often, i literally could do one every blog.  Although i’m a little worried that some of you probably think i’ve gone soft and now i care about “children” or something, which couldn’t be further from the truth.  The truth is that when i’m in a restaurant and some dumb ass parents decide to bring in their stupid crying screaming children, i want to get out of my seat and beat those “precious” little angels into a bloody pulp.  Beat them until i can’t eat my dinner because my hands are broken after pummeling their tiny skulls.  But those are thoughts you keep to yourselves, and at the very least you never act on them.  This guy broke the rule of the latter, so he can go rot in jail for 15 days.

But we’re not in jail, we’re free!  And it’s Friday which is the best day of the week!  So everyone have a great weekend, and repost and share this blog and retweet the balleens out of it to give yourself more chances to win a free pizza.  i’ll announce the winner on Tuesday’s blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85

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4 Responses to “Alright y’all, get your weed out. Get yo meth, get your skins. And don’t forget your 40. And we gonna do it like this! – Method Man”

  1. Anonymous March 1, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    It's funny you hate on Sean Hannity when you are basically just as bad. You obviously are an anti-semite, misogynist, who knows as much about history, and politics as he does about weight loss.

    Like

  2. Miguel José March 1, 2013 at 8:35 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHA! How did i know this bit was going to make you angry? Oh i know why, because of COURSE someone as ignorant and cowardly as you would have to be a Hannity fan.

    Anyways thanks for always reading my blog, at least i know you're not commenting just to get a free pizza. You just can't get enough of yours truly! Although i can't say i blame you 🙂

    And oh yeah, Sieg Wooooooo!

    Like

  3. Anonymous March 1, 2013 at 11:11 pm #

    And an extra large throbbing later dick to the Pope!!!
    JJ

    Like

  4. Anonymous March 1, 2013 at 11:47 pm #

    Anti-semite!!! That's not true. Ur more anti-theist. I like to give credit where credit is due. And u might seem misogynistic to someone who doesn't have the intelligence to understand good comedy. That's not ur fault. Im sure ur intelligent readers put two and two together and realize ur philogynic ways.
    SIEG WOOOOO!!! JJ

    Like

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