If there’s a task that must be done, don’t turn your tail and run. Don’t pout! Don’t sob! Just do a half-assed job! If you cut every corner, it’s really not so bad. Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad. – Shary Bobbins

19 Feb
It’s the American Way!

What is up kids?

So i’m guessing only a small percentage of you got my Shary Bobbins quote that i dropped today.  Shary Bobbins of course, being the Simpsons babysitter who surprisingly had a pretty similar name to another magical Disney nanny you might all remember named “Cinderella”.  And as always if you are a young girl and have no idea what i am referencing right now well then God bless you, your youth makes the world go round.

But today’s blog isn’t just about making Simpsons references that i know no one gets.  Todays’ blog is about doing what i can just to get to the “Random Nonsense” already because i am beat and i’ve got nothing.  “What’s the difference between that and every blog you write?”  Not much i guess, except that for most of my other blogs i actually try hard and this one i’m just going to phone it in.  “But again, what’s the difference between that and every blog…”  Shut up.

But yeah i don’t feel well and i’m mad tired.  My stomach hurts, my head feels like a hundred pounds, i can barely form a thought let alone write out a rant, and all i want to do is crawl back in bed and try to forget about the world.  “Did you go to the doctor yet?  He will probably tell you to get the sand out of your vagina.  Or he may see that string between your legs and tell you to take out that tampon as well and stop being such a gddamn baby about everything.  Although are you Justin Timberlake?  Because you can stop crying me this river whenever you’re ready.” 

Alright i’ve got better things then to sit here and let you make fun of me all day.  “Obviously you don’t, your only plan today is to get back in bed.  Way to break that stereotype that all Mexicans are lazy!”  God i hate you today.  But whatever, take your licks now because on Friday i’m going to come back badder and funnier then ever!  And yes when you take your licks don’t be surprised if they taste like those new “Cool Ranch” Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell that i talked about last blog.

So yeah pardon the “B” game you are getting in today’s rant.  i don’t pull this card often but today it has to happen, even though as always my “Random Nonsense” is fantastic.  Speaking of which let’s get to it already!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Here’s something i learned recently that makes me want to run head first into a cement wall.  Do all of you know what a Baby “Sprinkle” is?  i had no idea, but i just learned about this horrific new fad.  Basically what happens is when a lady decides to ruin her body for life and have her first kid they have a “Baby Shower.”  i’ve never been to one but i’m assuming their is some sort of awful theme and the expecting mother just sits there opening presents in front of all of her girlfriends and it’s probably super long and boring.  But since this atrocity wasn’t enough for moms, they now they have a baby “sprinkle” for their second and third kids because hey, they decided to have another child so everyone should have to bring even MORE presents!  And why shouldn’t they get more presents? i mean the couple obviously decided to not pull out during sex, let’s reward them with gifts!  Which doesn’t seem fair to me, because i didn’t pull out when i was with that stripper in Vegas at my boy’s bachelor party and no one got me anything!  i mean yeah when i got home that weekend i found a “present” on my genitals, but that doesn’t really count…

-Speaking of learning things, what do you guys call those straggly hairs on the back of your neck?  You know, the kind you have when you don’t get a hair cut for awhile.  Did you always call those “Hindu” hairs growing up?  i know i did, but it is only now that i’m realizing that’s probably kind of racist.  Is there a real term that someone can tell me to use for now on?  i don’t need an answer right away, but if you could tell me before i go see my barber Vishnu next week it’d be much appreciated…

-So has everyone heard of these “Harlem Shake” videos yet?  Basically every one’s sick of  that “Gangham Style” nonsense so America had to come up with a brand new obnoxious Youtube Video craze that everyone in this country can go nuts over for no reason.  If you haven’t seen it yet (and i know a lot of my readers are older and not hip so you probably haven’t) it’s basically just a video of a few people in a room and one of the guys starts to dance.  Then after the song builds up for a bit all of a sudden the song POPS and then there are people dancing all over the place with many of them in crazy costumes and get ups that make the whole thing even more insane. Sound pretty stupid?  Well it is, but its also kind of funny.  Here is the first one to come out so you can judge for yourself.

What’d you think?  i’m guessing if you are close to the 13 million viewers that watched it you probably think it’s pretty funny.  And if you are wondering the answer is yes, EVERYBODY is making these videos now.  Even the army which most people think is the funniest version of this dance…

Over 18 million views and counting on that one.  Jeebus Christmas this country is easily entertained!    So yeah if you want to waste time on the interwebs just go to Youtube and look up the different versions of these because some of them are pretty hilarious.  Although i know you are all DYING to know which Harlem Shake video is my favorite, and no it’s not the UGA Men swim and dive version even though it is kinda money.  But yeah my favorite version is just like me, old school.  “This version is like you? So you’re saying this video is fat and not funny?”  Nope, it’s actually hilarious and for now it’s my #1 version.  If anyone has anything to beat this let me know, but for now this is the winner!

“MOMbook posters”-

“Hey miguel, i didn’t realize you were a mom!!”  Like i said before, SHUT UP!

Fast Food Tips – So if you like taking eating sliders as well as taking greasy, sweaty, disgusting deuces then do i have a great new fast food tip for you!  Pizza Hut has just introduced their new “Big Pizza Sliders,” which are 3 and a half inch personal pizzas.  You get 9 to an order, and you can get up to three toppings on each order of three.  Sound confusing?  It should because i’m explaining it and i don’t get it.  Anyways P hut is selling 9 of these bad boys for 10 beans which doesn’t sound too bad.  Although to me it sounds unfair to the payor, but not to the payee.  Pizza the Hut reference anyone?  No?  Whatever, you guys have none class sometimes.

Me after eating all 9 pizzas…

And i’m gddamn SPENT my friends!  “But miguel, why do you start off a blog saying you are going to phone it in but then put out the funniest and best blog ever?  All while you stay as attractive and as fantastic in bed as ever?”  Honestly, i don’t know how i do it.  But like changing my underwear i do it twice a week, so have a great one and i’ll see you kids back here on Friday!

Cya, @migueljose_85

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6 Responses to “If there’s a task that must be done, don’t turn your tail and run. Don’t pout! Don’t sob! Just do a half-assed job! If you cut every corner, it’s really not so bad. Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad. – Shary Bobbins”

  1. Mandy February 19, 2013 at 5:45 pm #

    1) The invite to the baby sprinkle made me crack up laughing. But you know what's not all that funny? HAVING TO ATTEND ONE. So laugh it up, but UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU. AND NOT FOR YOU. FML.
    2) The Peanuts “Harlem Shake” video is, I don't know, GENIUS. What's better than that? Oh, maybe goats who sound like humans?
    3) Steve is on his way home with pizza sliders, on complete coincidental chance that you wrote about them today, too. Actually it's not that coincidental (we eat them all the time).

    Like

  2. Rob February 19, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    If your blogs had titles, this one would be called “HARLEM SPRINKLE”. Great blog. Rest up now cuz the pong is on…

    Like

  3. Anonymous February 20, 2013 at 2:17 am #

    Thanks for filling me in on the Harlem Shake. I must be a sick fuck because when I heard “baby sprinkle”, I thought it must be something like a mini golden shower. Not a lot of urine, but a baby sized small amount. OR possibly a urinary incontinence problem post birth. Now want to blow my diet on those damn mini pizzas.

    Like

  4. Miguel José February 20, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

    Yeah luckily i'm a dude so i don't have to do garbage like “sprinkles” or showers or anything you ladies choose to do to yourself that is awful.

    And i'm doing a bit on my favorite new toilet paper on Friday, you should have Steve read it because if you guys eat a steady diet of those pizza sliders he could probably use the advice…

    Like

  5. Miguel José February 20, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

    i should probably title my blogs. Maybe i'll start that at blog 200…

    Like

  6. Miguel José February 20, 2013 at 7:51 pm #

    Those Harlem shake videos are addicting, that's the most catchy song ever haha.

    i haven't tried those pizzas myself yet but when i do i'll make sure to let you know if it's worth blowing a diet over!

    Like

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