Haters only hate the things they can’t get and the people they can’t be. – Unknown

11 Jan

What is up kids?

How’s everyone doing today?  i’m doing alright, but i’m a little annoyed about something that’s been going down on this blog lately.  And i’m even more annoyed that i’m going to write about it now.  Mostly because i’d rather just ignore it if i could, because this is a comedy blog and that’s what people come here for is comedy and not annoying drama. Or at least i hope that’s what people read my comedy blog for.  “This is a comedy blog? i thought this was your Online diary where you came to talk about hot younger girls you will never get and complain about being fat even though all you do is eat garbage and write “Fast Food Tips” and never work out!”

You forgot drinking too much and throwing up on all fours in the shower but yeah i guess you pretty much summed me up.  But anyways, the thing i’m annoyed at is that someone or some two people who apparently have a HUGE personal problem with me feel the need to comment every single blog about how fat i am and how i’m a bad worker and how i’m a misogynist and how i hate women and blah blah blah blah.  And to be honest i’m okay with that.  i actually enjoy these comments because it makes me happy to know that someone is SO ANGRY WITH ME! It amuses me heavily and yet i could give less of a f*ck who these people are.  Why would i?  Just because they hate me?  i have too much love and friendship in my life at the moment to care about that nonsense kids.  Plus i am able to write a comedy blog twice a week for free, just in hopes that i can spread some laughter into this world and maybe send some of the own love i have back out into this world that has been so good to me.

Alright fine, i also write this blog in hopes of picking up chicks and because i’m the only person smart enough to take (steal) all the funny things my hilarious friends say and put it into one place.  Are you happy now??

Well, if you’re my two favorite fans of course you’re not.  One of you HAS to be a mom by how mad you get about how i talk about women.  i’m guessing you are so depressed and lonely and angry in your own life that you feel the need to make fun of me to feel better about yourself.  Which apparently doesn’t work, because you keep coming back EVERY BLOG which just proves to me you are the most lonely miserable person ever.  But apparently not, because some “guy” who hangs out with you writes all the really “tough” things you say, although all your insults are like a bad Andrew Dice Clay routine from the 80’s which may be the last time either of you were happy in your life.

But regardless, i was going to let you keep commenting every blog because honestly it just makes you look ridiculously pathetic to say you hate someone but to keep coming back AGAIN AND AGAIN.  So my plan was to let you comment all you want and keep letting yourselves look like the a$$holes.  But then you had to  go start talking about my mom and my family and we just can’t have that! You angry, pathetic, racist lowlifes. No sir, i just can’t do it.

Which is why for now on i’ve changed it so that i have to approve all comments on my blog.  i know, i know.  That’s as lame as the fat jokes that these two jerk0ffs have to leave as a comment every blog that i write.  But i realize that these people know me personally, and if they wanted to they could address me that way instead of being internet cowards.  But they don’t care about that, the ONLY entertainment they get in their meaningless lives is posting comments on my blog in hopes that other people see it.  So now i am going to take their only form of entertainment away from them, because if they can’t post anything what else in their life is worth living for? My guess and hope is for nothing.

But for real this time, this is IT with this conversation on my biggest fan(s).  We get it!  You are obsessed with me and think i’m hilarious!  You don’t have to post anymore to tell me so, and in fact i won’t even let you.  So go back to your existence of raising your $hitty kids who hate you and watching whatever God awful television you probably watch.  But take your anger somewhere else you f*cking a$$hole sacks of $hit.  You see this “$” Sign?  It means Not Welcome!

And to any else of you that may wish to  bash me on my comments section… for the love of Pete please feel free to do so!  i’m an awful, awful human being who makes poor decisions in life and refuses to grow up.  i would never tell any of you not to make fun of me for any of that!  “Um, who cares about that stuff?  i just want to mock you for being a Mexican who can’t speak Spanish!  And your name is miguel!  What a disgrace of a Hispanic you are you taco smelling lawn mowing bendejo!”

That’s it, you’re banned too.  NO!  i’m not banning anyone else!  That was actually funny so i can handle it.  And let’s be honest, if i stopped being friends with all the people racist against Mexicans i’d only be left with Jay John, my mom, and Jay John.  Wait, did i say him?  Yeah just my mom and JJ.

But enough of this garbage for now, and hopefully ever.  Enjoy today’s Random Nonsense and please feel free to leave all the comments you want!  Unless you’re a load that should have been swallowed.  God Bless America!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-So i haven’t talked about this before but i guess i can admit it now… one of my ex-girlfriends was a racist.  i mean REALLY racist.  Or at least i think she was.  If you ask me i say the reason we broke up was because she was a white girl who couldn’t handle bringing her Mexican boyfriend home to her parents.  She says the reason she dumped me was because she was embarrassed to take a 30 something year old to her junior prom.  But we all know that’s just code for being racist.  And i would have been a great date!  i like Lady Goo Goo and Wonderful direction, and i would have gotten all of her friends wine coolers and Zima!  But whatever, hopefully one day we learn to stop being so racist as a country.  We have a black president and that is a step in the right direction for America i guess.

-If you need to buy a calendar for your work or for your home, NOW IS THE TIME TO DO IT!  i always wait until right after the new year because once it hits January all calendars go on sale for 50%.  And don’t get me wrong, they are still pretty expensive.  But whatever, if half off is the best i can do i will take it.  But make sure you take your time when deciding on what calendar to get!  If you make a mistake buying one there is no going back!  It’s not like they sell calendars all year round and you’re going to buy a new one in March.  Most likely whatever calendar you get you’ll just stick with it because even if it sucks and is not funny it at least has the date which is kinda all you need.  So pick out a good one and go get one soon, if you wait too much longer all that will be left will be the ghetto calendars.   Oh and for the record if they are out of Justin Bieber and Movie trivia calendars then you can blame me.

The Money $hout-out of the Week- The first one of the year!  And there’s actually a ton of people who deserve the first money shout out of Dos Trece, it’s almost a shame only one person gets the honor this blog.  But since there is a new BADDEST MAN ON THE PLANET i have to give props to the new UFC Heavyweight champion of the world, Senor Cain Velasquez!  

This ginormous MONSTER won his rematch against Junior Dos Santos who beat him last year for the championship.  And if you’re curious his name means Junior “Two” Santos.  But it is widely accepted that whoever is the current Heavyweight Champ in the UFC is known as the baddest man on the planet, which means right now Mexicans are the dominant race.  Do you have a problem with that?  Take it up with Cain in the ring!

And no, i’m not giving a money shout out to Katherine Webb, the Miss Alabama USA winner and current girlfriend of Alabama Quarterback AJ Mccarron who just won the BCS National Championship game against Notre Dame.  She’s definitely cute i guess but she was born in 1988 which means she’s 25 years old and has in fact hit “the wall”.  Maybe i would have been into her last year, but 25 is the number for a reason kids.  And it’s not even like she’s a blond.  She’s brunette which means there is ZERO leeway, the wall has been hit.  Oh well, she’s seems like an alright girl so i hope she enjoys this attention.  i doubt it will last long

i said i wasn’t going to give her a money shout out, i didn’t say anything about posting a bunch of hot pictures of her.  

FAST FOOD FACTS : One fast food hamburger may contain meat from up to as many as 100 different cows.  i’m guessing three to many of those cows probably had some sort of disgusting cow disease.  Enjoy!
Back in the day i used to go to lunch with my friends every week.  We called it “Fast Food Friday” and we’d normally hit up White Castle but sometimes we’d do BK, Wendy’s, etc.  Now i’m putting out bits like this on Fridays.  What a hypocritical bag of douche i am.

-The NFL is the best sport of all-time, while baseball continues to get more unwatchable every year.  Next thing you know baseball is going to end up being soccer, and we all know how popular that sport is in this country.  Anyways, this was the first time anyone from the “steroid” era had a chance to be elected to the hall of fame, people like Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, etc.  And none of those fools got in.  NONE of them.  So baseball will have no entries into their Hall of Fame this year.  Personally I could care less if these guys cheat, because this sport is boring and who cares anyway.  And it sucks that Mike Piazza can’t get in and that Bonds is the best hitter of all time and he won’t get in.  But i’m glad Clemens didn’t get in because he’s an egotistical ahole who helped to ruin the sport by acting like he was better then it and now he’s totally caught.  So to Clemens and anyone else who was a cheating scumbag trying to get into the baseball hall of fame…

LATER DICKS!

Man oh Man these blogs are great this year! You are welcome everyone.  And i’m sorry i had to get that nonsense off my chest but it’s over and done with and we can move on to bigger and funnier things.  So have a great weekend everyone!  Follow me on Twitter if you get bored @migueljose_85  and if not i will see you on Tuesday!

-miguel jo$e

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10 Responses to “Haters only hate the things they can’t get and the people they can’t be. – Unknown”

  1. Richard January 11, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

    Thank you for using the word regardless correctly.

    Like

  2. Jim January 11, 2013 at 5:30 pm #

    Wait… I'm racist… and I comment on every blog. Was this whole thing against me?

    I did put a handsome Mexican in my comic strip today… redemption?

    Like

  3. Miguel José January 11, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

    Your welcome!

    Like

  4. Miguel José January 11, 2013 at 5:42 pm #

    God that was fantastic. And fine we can hang out for a beer next week, if you're going to start putting me in your comics i GUESS i can let you comment on my blog and/or see me in person. i'm too nice

    Like

  5. johnrgonnella January 11, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    Monie$t line in today's blog:

    “Unless you're a load that should have been swallowed.”

    That was epicly funny. Don't let a couple of haters bring you down, man.

    Like

  6. Anonymous January 11, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

    Come on…the baddest man is Anderson Silva!

    Like

  7. Stefanie January 11, 2013 at 8:44 pm #

    Well 1st let me start by saying…loved your blog today, as usual.

    But let me get to the more important topic. These 2 people who have been commenting actually know you. I was pissed when I saw these comments but just figured they were strangers who came across your blog and had nothing better to do with their time then to read a blog they claim to hate. The fact that they make comments about you and your family is just immature. It's a comedy blog…these a$$holes need to get a sense of humor.

    love you and your blog,
    -Stef =)

    Like

  8. Miguel José January 12, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    Thanks buddy! It doesn't get me down at all, i actually love it. But it had to be addressed and it was, the end. But thank you for being a faithful reader i truly appreciate it!

    Like

  9. Miguel José January 15, 2013 at 2:33 pm #

    Haha Silva is NONE joke, but since Cain is a heavyweight and because i'm Mexican and bias he gets the title of baddest man!

    Like

  10. Miguel José January 15, 2013 at 2:35 pm #

    Thanks kiddo. But yeah they are definitely not strangers, just people who were never brave enough to say anything to my face let alone admit who they really are. But who cares, the problem is solved and now we can concentrate on making this a fun place again! 🙂

    Like

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