You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f*cking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world. – Tyler Durden "Fight Club"

21 Sep

What is up kids?

Man, it took until blog 150 something until i dropped a “Fight Club” quote?  That makes sense Jewell, it is only one of the best movies ever. But yeah its tough to not think of that movie when you have one of the roughest weeks ever at your job.  For real, i’m ready to give up and join “Project Mayhem” already!

Because honestly today’s quote is totally how i am feeling these days.  i am NOT my gddamn job that’s for sure.  And it sucks because i figured out almost everything else in my life.  Well maybe not everything. i don’t get how to save and/or make “real” money.  Or how to stop boozing my face off when i know i get the worst hangovers EVER.  And i don’t know how to not drink and play beer pong during Monday Night Football, pretty much guaranteeing i’m hungover and completely shot for Tuesday and i spend the rest of the week trying to catch up on sleep and never being able to do it.  And i don’t know how people my age are having kids.   Really?  You gave up on yourself already?  Like i may want to have kids one day i guess but that’s the point of dating a 24 year old girl, so that when i die at 69 at least they still have their young hot mommy to raise them!  “Hahahaha 69!”  Grow up already.

But yeah it bothers me that i don’t have the work thing figured out yet.  Because i think i have the life thing figured out and for most people that’s the hard part.  Like i already get that finding whatever happiness in life whenever you can is the only way to make your existence on this planet manageable.  And not even just that, if you surround yourself with people you love like good friends and family and don’t stress about not having stupid expensive things like yachts and mansions then you’ll probably be okay.  If you realize it’s the relationships you make and the people you know and love more then it is any other factor of your life, then you are way ahead of the curve and will be happier in your life then most.  And i’ve actually figured that part out already, and for that i’m thankful because i’m a happy motherf*cker these days i must admit.  And i say that to you my reader, and also to my boy Ken Roth who reached out to me on an email because he thought i was sounding a tad morose these days on my blog haha.  Well Ken let me just tell you my brother, you were correct to realize i had been down for a bit and i totally appreciate the sentiment.  But i can happily tell you that whatever rut i was in i’m coming out in a big way, no joke.  So you don’t have to worry about me just yet, well not in real life anyways.  In Fantasy Football i am playing you in “The Dungeon” this week so you’d better bring your A game son!  🙂

And i know it hasn’t made it to my blog just yet but i’ll just give you all a heads up that i have an idea that soon i’ll be able to write about a whole new bunch of things that make me happy, i’m not ready to do that just yet…

Jeebus, what the F am i even talking about? i’m talking about realizing what is truly important to you in your life, and making sure you do your best to stay happy because that’s all we can do while we live on this rock.  Because this game called life is RIGGED my friends, from top to bottom.  And the only way to beat it is to cheat!  They set it up to make you want unnecessary things and care about bull$hit that doesn’t mean anything, so the only way to win is to not care about that stuff and realize what is important to you.  Oh and drugs, LOTS of drugs.  Drugs are the ultimate cheat, because the government even has to outlaw them because they know it’s cheating!  “Wait, these people are getting happier and having more fun and laughing more because they smoked a plant that grows all over the Earth???? ARREST THEM!”  See, that’s what the police are there for.  To stop people from cheating!  Oh and to bust teenagers parties because God forbid we let them have a good time.  So yeah i don’t consider myself a drug user really, but i will admit i am a big fat dirty cheater in life!

So yeah i’m all over the place today but the Giants won last night, it’s a beautiful Friday today and i’m in a pretty gddamn good mood even though my job does it’s best to make me feel otherwise.  But i’ll be out of here soon and this place will be long forgotten until Monday.  So enough of my awful job, enough of playing by “their” rules and let’s go out and have some fun this weekend already, shall we?


-There’s a move that fighters do in the “UFC” that is a finishing move that most people can’t get out of.  It’s called the “Rear Naked Choke” and it’s basically when you take your opponents back and choke him out until he taps out or goes unconscious.  The move looks like this:

Now my question is, since this move is normally performed by huge sweaty dudes and not beautiful ladies like in the picture above, why did they have to add the word “Naked” to this move?  i mean why isn’t it just called the “Rear Choke?”  Did they HAVE to throw the word naked in there?  In a sport where shirtless men are wrestling each other wearing nothing but speedos trapped in a cage, i would think you’d try not to make any of the moves you do sound gayer.  It’d be like calling an uppercut the “Flaming Homosexual Uppercut!” There are at least two words you could take out of that name to make it a tad less gay.  But whatever, i guess they are going to stick with the “Rear Naked Choke” so what can you do.  Although once they change the name of the move “Hammer fists” to “Silly Love Taps” i’m going to stop watching this sport! 

ONE HITTERS: In case you are wondering and i know you are not, clowns are the scariest things ever in life period.

i know she loves clowns too so you’re welcome Stefanie! 😉

Miguel’s Money Movie Review: So besides the movie the Hobbit which is coming out in December, i can’t think of another movie i’m more fired up for then “Taken 2.”  Holy $hitballs, did all of  you see that first movie??  It was just nonstop action and awesomness and Liam Niesen kicking ass and Shannon from “Lost” was in it and that movie is just the f’n MONEY the entire way until it just kind of ends and you were like “That was f*cking awesome!”  Well anyways, the new one is coming out and it looks totally money and i’m so excited about it my penis poked out of my pants and looked up at me and said “Hooray!” when i told him we’d get to see it on October 5th.  Well actually, “Big Papi” as i like to call him told me “Odelay Guero! Vamanos a la pelicula el dinero muy rapido!” Which i’ll be honest i totally don’t understand because for some reason my penis speaks Spanish and i don’t. Oh well, Que Lastima.

And oh yeah **SPOILER ALERT!!!***  Liam Neeson totally survives the first movie which is why you will probably see him in the sequel.  Oh forget it who am i kidding…  **SPOILER ALERT!!** you will definitely see Liam Neeson in the sequel.  He’s on the poster and on all of the coming attractions for crying out loud!

-So if there is one thing i feel like my blog is lacking (besides the obvious funny jokes and/or observations) i feel like i haven’t thrown up any pictures of hot girls lately.  And i know what you’re thinking, “OMG miguel you have so many female readers you don’t want to lose them!”  Which kind of makes sense, but then i think everyone, whether you are a boy or girl can appreciate a nice supple ass.  So here ya go, courtesy once again of “Fap Nation” on Facebook…

MAN did you check out that behind???  Holy S i’ll be honest i didn’t even realize she was a brunette until 20 minutes after looking at this photo.  And i didn’t know she had a face and/or eyeballs for another 25!  Alright fine. 7 minutes after looking at this picture i popped…

But since i know not everyone’s an “ass” man the way me and my fellow Hispanics are let me put up a picture of some big beautiful breasts!!!

Um okay i’m not gonna lie.  That is another picture of a girls ass.  Once again, courtesy of “Fap Nation”on Facebook and Twitter.  Only a few of my dirtbag friends are down to follow this page on Facebook, and to those brave souls i salute you.  Because Lord knows i show these kinds of pics to my married friends and after they are done prejaculating in their shorts they always tell me “Man i wish i could like that page but i can never do it because of my wife and kids!”  And i always tell these random unnamed friends that i totally understand that Chuck and Jewell and Burns and Rob and Kohl and Tommy and Roth and Albin and Fuchs and Spiga both young and old, i get that you are in relationships and don’t want to get caught liking a page like this.  But it’s okay to follow the page on Facebook, just do it and don’t tell anyone ever!  And i don’t know if they’ve done it yet but i hope they do because when it comes right down to it they will always know that their secret will be safe with me.

But for real guys grow up, this blog isn’t a cheap place where i throw up pointless nudie photos that you can find anywhere else.  You’re better then that, all of you.  So act like it.

But before you do enjoy this one last ass pic!

Fast food tips – Is everyone ready for the return of the McDonald’s McRib?!?!?  Well you shouldn’t be, because McDonalds is delaying the release until December now.  Mostly because they are Nazi Sandukes loving aholes!!  And also because they want to push the release back to December to help their 4th quarter earnings.  So i guess Mitt Romney is right, Corporations ARE People!  This news is a swift kick to the balleens for those of us who love the McRib, and those of us who do are no class having bad food loving bags of douche.  But i will admit that no matter how God awful that disgusting fake meat is between those buns when it comes back around in December i’m going to stand in line and order two of them just so by the second sandwich i remember how disgusting this item is and then i’ll never want to eat another one again until it comes out again the following year!!

“Facebook etiquette”-

And that’s it for me today kids.  Sorry if there are more spelling mistakes and gramatical errors then usual, i’m a tad hungover after that awesome Giants victory and even though i’ve been up since 7 a.m. i am still asleep.  But enjoy your weekend and i’ll see you all next Tuesday with some motherf*cking great new laughs! 
– Robert Paulson

3 Responses to “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f*cking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world. – Tyler Durden "Fight Club"”

  1. Jim September 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

    His name is Robert Paulson…


  2. Miguel José September 21, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    i thought it was Meatloaf?


  3. Anonymous September 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Ive been trying to think of an appropriate comment for this blog since I read it on Friday and I've decided to stick with the first one that came to mind… you're an ass!!! thanks for the f'n scariest clown picture EVER!!!


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