Dear Miguel, I contacted Google and the customer service person advised me to first write you and make this request about your blog. Please, please take down this blog…

21 Aug

What is up kids?

So what the hell was that quote i just used to start off blog 150??  Well kids, it was the subject line of an email i received in response to a bit i did in “Random Nonsense” a little while ago.  And what bit was it that finally offended someone so much to the point that i received a personal email about it?  Well i’ll refresh your memory, here it is…

“OLD SCHOOL” NONSENSE – It pains me to admit this, but i guess i get pretty personal on this blog sometimes so i’m just gonna do it.  So here goes… i really want to bang that QuiBids chick from those stupid commercials.
Ugh, i KNOW i KNOW… she is the worst!  Her name is D’Arcy Kate Fellona and you can’t believe a word this liar says.  “You can buy a 55 inch HD T.V. for only 20 bucks! Or a brand new Ipod for $23.71!!”  Oh really bitch?  Because i’m pretty sure you can’t.  And motherf’er she’s so overly perky and happy and just so excited that you can get all these expensive items really cheap!  And it’s so easy!!!  But no, no it’s not.  Look this site up online and you’ll read about what a dumb scam it is and how no one will ever get those items for the prices they say ever.  And ugh i just see those commercials and i just want to punch that girl in the face!  But i also want to put my P in her V and have her call me Big Papi as i cover her tuna taco with my own personal Queso.  And ugh, i get so f’n mad at myself when i fall for this $hit but whatever, there’s nothing i can do.  When my head and my heart tell me “NO!” but my penis says “boowhip!” i just gotta listen.  And it doesn’t hurt that she used to be an NFL cheerleader too…

SOOOOO yeah i guess if you were someone who actually knew this girl you might actually get a tad offended by this bit.  Although in my defense, all i’m really saying is that she’s hot and those commercials are terrible!  i just say it in the most offensive and awful way possible like i do everything in this blog.

But i did feel the need to respond back to this person, because i obviously struck a nerve with this one.  And the person was really just telling me to take this blog down because this girl had nothing to do with the quibids “scam” or whatever was going on and because what i said was pretty hurtful.  And originally my plan was going to be to post the entire email i received but i don’t think i need to do that, you all get the point.  i wrote something pretty offensive about someone and someone got offended, end of story.  But speaking of getting the point, let me get to mine already and show you the response that i sent.

Hello (name),

So I’ve thought about your request a lot and I have decided I am not going to take down that blog.  But I will write a follow up to that “joke” post that I did to explain that I don’t mean anything serious about it, and to also explain what I wrote was not a personal attack on her at all.  I honestly didn’t even know who you were talking about when you first emailed me saying I said something about “D’arcy”, because I didn’t write that bit in order to make a serious attack on her, I wrote it because she is very attractive and I just thought I’d write a short bit on those commercials because I thought it’d be funny.  But i didn’t even know her name until i looked her up online, and i forgot about it almost immediately after posting that joke.

But apparently my words hit home with you, and if you don’t get that I am joking with what I write about 95% of the time then I could understand how you would find what I wrote offensive.  Even just joking around I can admit it was pretty raw, and obviously I do not know this woman personally so everything I wrote was just a joke and obviously garbage.  It’s in my column called “Random Nonsense” for a reason, and that reason is because it is just that.

But again, in the end it was all meant as a joke so I will not remove what I wrote.  I make it very clear that this is a comedy blog and that at no point am I supposed to be taken seriously.  And if you break it down all I was really saying is that I think that girl is hot and that those commercials are annoying, as far as anything with quibids being a scam or anything like that i could care less if that’s true or not.  But obviously this girl has nothing to do with that business, she is just on the commercials for crying out loud.

So i am sorry if this is not the response you were looking for, but i have the right to say whatever I want and since I did it on my comedy blog I find no need to worry about what I write.  Besides having the freedom to do so in this country I also know there was no real malicious intent at all towards her it was just my attempt to make fun of those commercials.  But instead of taking it down I will gladly state in my blog that the bit I did on her was just a joke, and that I’m sure she’s a nice woman and is in no way involved in Quibids scams.  i have no problem writing that because that’s how i honestly feel.  But that’s the best I can do for you, because even though you were offended I have the right to try and be funny even though my humor will obviously not be for everyone.  

-miguel jose

What do you think??  i feel like my response is adequate.  i mean i don’t REALLY enjoy being a dick and offending people, that’s never really been my deal.  And besides Tosh has that angle locked up so there’s no point in even trying.  But i think i’m right to not take it down and i would think most of you would agree with me.  i hope so anyways but let me know what yout think….

That was a pretty dirty way to hit blog 150 huh?

RANDOM “NONSENSE”

-i have no idea what a cop’s “badge” looks like.  And i DEFINITELY do not know what FBI badges look like, or any actual badges of anyone in authority for that matter.  Which is why i always watch movies and see those scenes where people are like “Let me see your I.D.!” and then the cop shows them and the people are always like “alright i guess they are legit”.  How the F am i supposed to know what an I.D. looks like??  What am i, a gddamn detective all of a sudden?  Everyone in movies always knows what protocol to follow when someone flashes a badge, how the hell do they know this??  Do they learn this in school?  Was i absent the day they taught that in class?  For real, anyone could show me ANYTHING and i’d be like “um sure, do whatever you want!  Just start with the strip search and frisk me already!”  Um sir, i was only showing you my sunglasses, you can pull your pants back up…

-So if there is ONE thing i hate about my new phone it’s that when i set the alarm it has to tell me EXACTLY when it is going to go off.  Like last night for example, i was up really late like an a$$hole and then i had to set my alarm for today.  But as soon as i set it a message pops on the screen “Your alarm will go off in 5 hours and 10 minutes…” and i’m just like “C’mon jerkoff!  i was purposely not doing the math in my head because i didn’t want to know how little sleep i am going to get!  Plus i know it takes me at least 20 minutes to go to sleep once i start trying, so i already know i’m down to getting 4 hours of sleep and change MAX.  But it’s all your fault for showing it to me!  Don’t you know i try to ignore everything in my life that is bad and/or that hurts me?  Now you’re gonna make me deal with things head on??  Well F you phone!!”  Stupid living in the future.

ONE HITTERS: -The New York Jets are the only team in the NFL who has not scored a touchdown this preseason.

Fast food tips – Sonic has just introduced two new burritos to their breakfast lineup with the new “Smoked Chipotle” Breakfast burrito and the “Zesty Cheesesteak” breakfast burrito.  Both of these new items make me want to grab my own personal beefy burrito and go in the back room and sugar my own churro quicker then Mexican Millhouse until smoked chipotle gets squeezed out of my penis.  HAHAHAHA that’s my favorite sentence i have ever written in this blog.  It only took 150 tries but i finally did it!  But yeah these burritos sound money and i’m going to try both of them immediately as should you.

“Facebook etiquette”-  Maybe i think it’s funny because i don’t have it yet, but EVERYONE has the same reaction when they get converted to “Timeline” on Facebook.  It’s always them looking at their phone or computer and just going “Oh COME ON!  Son of a BITCH!!!  THEY GOT ME!!!’  Without fail, everyone has that same reaction.  Since i don’t have timeline yet i don’t know for sure if that’s how i’m gonna react, but if and when i do i promise to be no different!

And that’s it for this milestone.  Kinda crazy right?  Although i guess i’ve been writing enough nonsense to complete 150 blogs that i was bound to offend someone at some point.  And to be honest i do kinda feel a little bad, i mean if you don’t get that i’m joking or if you don’t get i’m not serious with most of the stuff i say it can be pretty offensive.  And again, i don’t write any of this stuff to seriously offend or hurt anyone’s feelings.  All of this is meant to be taken as a joke.  But like i said in my response i get that i’m not for everyone so this is the price to be paid i guess.

But my comedy is obviously meant for my faithful readers, because i am still here after 150 blogs!  Which i must say i’m pretty proud of kids, i made this commitment and am still doing this blog and am still loving every minute of it.  So thanks to those of you who stuck with me from the beginning, thanks to my new readers and thank you in general to everyone who reads even one of my blogs because this is my favorite thing ever and i have no plans on quitting anytime soon.  So buckle up and get ready for the next 150 blogs now!!!!

-miguel jo$é

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10 Responses to “Dear Miguel, I contacted Google and the customer service person advised me to first write you and make this request about your blog. Please, please take down this blog…”

  1. Jim August 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm #

    Wait… this is a comedy blog?! You could've fooled me.

    Just kidding, congrats on 150.

    Like

  2. Miguel José August 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Just because my jokes aren't funny and no one ever laughs at anything i write doesn't mean that this isn't a comedy… alright fine, well played

    Like

  3. Anonymous August 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    she said take the blog down and you said 'down where.'

    Like

  4. D'Arcy August 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    This is the real D'Arcy and of course you can put your P in my V, you can even put your P in my A…cuz I play that way Miguel Jose

    Like

  5. Miguel José August 21, 2012 at 7:43 pm #

    man i could have summed up my entire rant with that one sentence

    Like

  6. Miguel José August 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    Benny's little sister?

    Like

  7. King.Neptune.Sig.WHOOOO August 21, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

    is this b*tches name really D'arcy. what kinda name is that? an apostrophe in the first name… wow, you're different than other girls and special and unique. wait, no you're not. you just have great t!ts and people talk to you because of it. nothing personal, just saying.

    Like

  8. green4u August 23, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

    Congrats on 150

    I wonder if D'arcy's stalker was the one who emailed you… that is the only kind of person who would go to such an extent to email you.

    Like

  9. Anonymous August 24, 2012 at 5:31 am #

    Hahaha!
    JJ

    Like

  10. Miguel José August 24, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    Thanks so much! And it wasn't her stalker, i think it was someone who knows her though. i'll have to tell you about it when we meet up to talk about our blogs. Which we should do next week! 🙂

    Like

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