In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what’s that focus? That focus is all about HER! It’s all about her! Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say, "F*CK YOU! F*ck your hopes, f*ck your dreams, f*ck your plans … f*ck everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let’s go out there and try to make this bitch happy." – Chris Rock "Never Scared"

17 Jul

What is up kids?

Holy S BALLS it is  hot as balleens out!  And the funny thing is, i bet some of your broads out there are STILL cold.  Guys, have you ever met those kind of women, the ones who are ALWAYS f’n cold?  Or as i like to call them, ALL women?  That’s another reason that IF i ever get married i would never want to share a bedroom with my wife.  She would never want to use the air conditioner and she’d be covered in blankets and her room would be hotter then it is outside today.  And my room would ice cold, colder then Sarah Palin’s vagina after being denied an invite to the GOP convention this year!  And it’d be cold anyway because she’s from Alaska!  And she’s a moron!

But yeah that’s the best idea EVER, right?  Separate bedrooms!  Do you realize how much less stress you would have in your life if you just had a different bedroom then your spouse?  “OMG miguel!!  This is why you will never be married because you think of crazy $hit like this!!  Don’t you love your wife and want to be with her always??  Isn’t sleeping next to her and being able to feel her heartbeat on your chest as you drift off to dreamland just the most romantic thing ever???”

No, no it isn’t.  Dear sweet baby Jesus, you have never been more wrong with anything you have said ever!  Man, what you just said is such a romanticized version of something that is truly boring as f*ck!  Living with someone else is HARD my friends, no matter how well you get along.  There are some of my best friends in life that i could NEVER f’n share a house with.  They are messy and disgusting meat head frat boys who leave clothes and dishes and God knows what else everywhere.  And i like to keep my place spic and span!  Which is pretty racist i guess…

But yeah i joke around about being lazy and what have you but i’ll tell you right now, i am clean motherf*cker.  “That’s funny, because i thought you were a dirty Mexican.”  And i thought you’d be original for once and not take the easy joke but it looks like we are both wrong.  But anyways, back to the idea of not sharing a room with your wife or anyone for that matter is that living with other people is really gddamn hard.  And adding sex to the mix doesn’t make it any easier.  Sure it’s fantastic in the beginning when you guys are banging harder and more often then Sandusky is hopefully being done to in prison as we speak.   And for real Sandukes i hope you’re getting raped up so hard that you’re no longer into little boys penises anymore and are actually dreaming of vagina.  You’re a monster and i want you dead.

But yeah seriously, think about this objectively.  We’re talking about sleep!  It’s not like you’re hanging out during it, you’re literally passed out and having zero contact with each other.  Because who shares the exact same sleep schedules?  Nobody does.   There is just the one person who is more in control of the relationship and the other person just has to abide by their schedule.  When they want to go to bed, when they need to wake up, they just do what the f*ck they want.  Whatever happens the weaker spouse just has to go with it and enjoy the ride and do everything they are told like the pu$$ys they are.  Some people are reading this and laughing because they know that they are the ones who make the rules.  Other people are mad because i am calling them out for what they know is true.  Personally i don’t care either way as long as you both agree that what i’m saying is true.

But despite all of these fantastic arguments i am making, the simple fact is you both don’t need to go to sleep at the same time, and you both don’t need to get up at the same time.  One of you wants to read before bed, and one of you needs the light off to sleep.  Then the other wants to watch comedy central and then whack off before he goes to sleep as the other looks over in disgust.  Guess which one i am in that scenario.  And also, don’t we all have disgusting habits that we do in our beds when we’re alone that we don’t need to share with anyone?  For real, at least blasting a nasty fart because of that late night White Castle you ate and all that Natty light you drank, i mean that scenario is gonna happen! Alright this time this isn’t me in this scenario, i swear!

But i don’t know, maybe for like the first year or so of marriage you can try and be cute and do this sharing a bedroom nonsense.  But personally, when i do get married i don’t plan on ever getting divorced.  So i try to think of the LONG f’n haul to marriage.  In 20 years, will i really need to still be sleeping next to my wife in the same bed?  Jeebus Christmas they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Then bitch please back up off me for a hot second!!!  Please!!  In fact go out with your girlfriends, or go out with your sister, or just go out already so i can be alone for the first time in years!!

See, no one wants it to get to that point.  You want to love each other forever, which is why married couples should have separate bedrooms.  Try and argue with me, obviously everybody tries it your way and over half of them end in divorce.  So yeah, maybe i don’t make any sense.  Or maybe i do.

RANDOM NONSENSE

-So i f’n BLEW it. This is my 139th blog which means i missed my chance to do “Here Comes the Money”s 138th Blog Spectacular!  C’MON JEWELL!!!  i feel like you blew it on that one buddy.  You knew it was coming and you gave me NONE heads up?  That’s cool i guess…

-They always call New York “The City that Never Sleeps”… but have you been to NY mad late at night?  i mean yeah a bunch of places are open but it’s not like it’s hopping or anything.  i mean lets be honest, at 4 a.m. MOST people are sleeping.  Just because there are a few bars and clubs open and some late night pizza places that doesn’t mean it NEVER sleeps.  i have a 24 hour CVS and Dunkin Donuts by me and i don’t think that means i can call my New Jersey suburb Mid-town now.

Haha alright this bit is clearly not ready yet but i went it with it and now i’m sticking with it so deal with it.  It’s too f’n hot out, give me a break.

-i f’n HATE when i go to skip the commercials on a DVD or just go to the Main Menu so i hit the “Menu” button on my controller and i get the message “Operation currently prohibited by disc”.  Really?  i gddamn bought this f*cking movie and now you’re gonna make me watch these same previews every gddamn time? And i’m hitting the “MENU” button on my remote… take me to the f*cking menu now motherf*cker!  What’s the point of having that button if you won’t f’n do it when i press it??  And yes i realize in the scheme of things i only have to wait like one minute longer.  And yes i realize nobody who reads my blog will get this bit.  i don’t care, i watch a lot of movies and it pisses me off.  And it’s my blog.

-Why haven’t they come up with “colored” salt yet?  And no i don’t mean that there should be a “White’s Only” salt and also a colored section.  i’m saying salt is basically clear or a faint white and hard to see, which means we usually put too much on our food because like i just said it’s hard to see.  So you really don’t get a good idea on how much you’re putting on your food.  But if salt was a different color, like a bright red or blue you’d be like “holy $hit i’m putting too much salt on my food!” and you’d probably calm down with it for a hot one.  Good idea right?  Well it’s not mine, someone said that to me and i said i was gonna steal it and she told me to give her credit and i forget who it was so if she doesn’t read this and say it’s hers i’m just gonna say it’s my bit and it was my idea from the beginning!

Fast food tips – If you go to Cravernation.com and join the White Castle Craver Nation you will get 2 free sliders!  Which is a fantastic deal because as someone who had a friend bring over a crave case last night i know for a fact that most white castle sliders anyone should ever eat at one sitting is two!  Or maybe none, none is better.  But if you get 2 free that’s like paying for none so it still makes sense.  This blog is amazing today.

Fast food tips – Another fast food tip?  i have to do this one because i just tried the new “spicy chicken bites” from McDonalds on my way home late Saturday night and i had to tell you all how GOD AWFUL they are.  These flavorless pieces of fried garbage are horrific and easily one of the worst things i have ever gotten from McDonalds.  The chicken Mcnuggets are SO much better!  And basically the same price, and you get more dipping sauces.  Seriously, never get these little balls of $hit, you will hate yourself and possibly cry and deuce yourself when it’s all said and done.  You’ve been warned.

Alright, i’m not gonna lie.  i was a little all over the place with this blog haha.  Hopefully you kids can handle these little pit stops into insanity every once in awhile.  Personally i think it’s good for you.  And me.  Well maybe not me so much because i probably do it way too often.  But for some of you i think it’s good to be a little nutty once in awhile, especially when it’s so f’n hot out like it is today.  But one thing that i’ll tell you isn’t insane, is my idea on separate bedrooms for married couples!  Seriously, you’ll see this idea pick up soon, just don’t forget you heard it here first!!

See you on Friday everybody!  – miguel jo$e

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One Response to “In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what’s that focus? That focus is all about HER! It’s all about her! Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say, "F*CK YOU! F*ck your hopes, f*ck your dreams, f*ck your plans … f*ck everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let’s go out there and try to make this bitch happy." – Chris Rock "Never Scared"”

  1. shannon August 1, 2012 at 3:16 am #

    I hate the idea of colored salt. I can just see people giving me an even harder time about the amount I use. I think I've heard “do you want some fries with your salt?” enough already. No thanks.

    Like

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