So let’s defy the trend here and say: Good for Bloomberg. Obesity is America’s most important public health problem, and the mayor has led the way against it. This latest idea may or may not yield results. But it is already raising awareness. Even if it fails to become law, it ought to prod the beverage industry into acting as more responsible corporate citizens. -David Frum, CNN Contributer

8 Jun

What is up kids?

So i’m going to do another first for this blog today.  “Is it to use proper grammar for once?  Or is it to actually make us laugh?”  i’m going to go with the latter because for a majority of today’s rant i’m going to quote George Carlin.  “i thought you said this was going to be a first? All you do is rip that genius off!”  This is true, and as anyone who has read this blog before knows i have used a TON of Carlin quotes.  One of these days i will count up all the quotes and see what my actual “stats” are on people i have used. Not today, or this weekend or year possibly.  But someday.

But the reason i need to use Carlin today is to try and explain the point i want to make about this soda ban in New York.  You’ve all heard of that by now, right?  If you haven’t heard about this yet you are a no news watching, none yahoo news story reading motherf*cker that’s for sure.  But don’t worry, i’ll still tell you the deal. Basically Mayor Bloomberg has put a ban on the sale of sugary drinks that exceed 16 ounces.  That’s right, he is BANNING buying large amounts of soda!  Total fascist right?? This is America!!!  How dare he take away our liberty and freedoms!  If you don’t like it you can GET OUT!!!

But i don’t know, i kinda agree with the move.  i mean first of all the ban doesn’t say you can’t buy that amount soda.  You can still buy all the soda you want, you just can’t get it in huge containers anymore.  And for anyone wondering how much soda that is here’s a picture:

“OMG that’s not even that much soda!!!” Yes, yes it is.  It’s way too much, and the only reason we are used to drinking large amounts like that is because places sell them to us.  And trust me, i already know all the arguments on why this ban should not be in effect.  “This won’t affect anything, people can just buy two sodas now instead of the one so the ban is pointless!”  Actually, it’s been proven that humans tend to eat and/or drink the amount of food that is in front of them.  If you give a person a huge bowl full of soup they will eat the whole thing and be full.  If you fill it 2/3rds of the way that same person will mostly likely eat the whole bowl and still be fine.  And for once i’m not just making up lies, these are all proven studies.  “But this is just Big Government at it again!!” Maybe, but people always talk about the “government” like it is only a bad thing.  In this case it is actually trying to help people fight a losing battle, and that’s the battle against those who make money off us eating garbage food.

And the reason the Mayor is stepping in on this is because this battle is impossible!  You can try to use all the will power you want, the simple fact is we are just another animal on this planet and these food and soda companies have figured out how to tap into our genetic code.  From all the TV ads we see, to how much sugar and awfulness is put in all the food we eat and soda we drink, these companies have us brainwashed to eat badly.  i used a quote from this guy David Frum today because i read his article and he was the one person i read who shares the same opinion that i do on this subject.  Everyone from Jon Stewart on the Daily Show to all of my best friends disagree with me on this one, but this guy wrote out my point better then i ever could in his article:

-Human beings are not reasoning machines. We are animals who have inherited certain propensities not always well-adapted to modern urban life. We evolved in conditions of food scarcity. Our bodies have adapted to store food energy against famine; our sub rational minds crave sweetness. The sugary beverage industry has invested massively to understand better how to use our very human natures against us.  The ever-increasing size of the standard soda serving has changed our understanding of what is and what is not an appropriate amount of sugar to consume at a sitting. The beverage industry works on Americans before they have learned to read; even before they have learned to speak. In 2010, children and teens were exposed to twice as many full-calorie soda TV ads as they were in 2008, according to a study by the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity.

See that???  A study!!  And fine, maybe you don’t believe this fool at all.  But have you seen the kids in this country lately?  They are f*cking fat as $hit!!  i mean obviously the adults are mad obese, and by obese i mean i can’t believe some of these ginormous whales don’t get a heart attack and die this second.  But there has to be a reason everyone in this country is so fat, and it has to be because food just keeps getting worse for us and it gets served in larger portions and it is too inconvenient and too expensive to try and eat healthy.  It’s as simple as that.

This soda ban might not be the best answer, and it fact it is probably not.  But something has to be done  to try and least even out this fight, and if this is what it takes i am for it.  And no one else i know sees this point the same way as me except for this guy i quoted above.  And i’m sure George Carlin would have had the funniest take on this whole situation ever, but if you listen to his rant on fat people in this country i gotta think he might at least admit i have a point.  He probably wouldn’t agree, and Cariln never cared about figuring out how to solve the worlds problems he just described them as he saw them.  But as you can see from the Carlin rant below, he was at least aware this country is really just one big fat piece of $hit and getting worse.

-Americans love to eat. They are fatally attracted to the slow-death of fast food. Hot dogs, corn dogs, triple bacon cheeseburgers, deep-fried, butter-dipped in fat and cheese whiz, mayonnaise, soaked barbecue, mozzarella patty melts. Americans will eat anything. Anything. ANYTHING. $hit, if you were selling sautéed raccoons assholes on a stick, Americans would buy them and eat them! Especially if you were to dip them in butter and put a little salsa on them! This country is big-time pig time. Forget Star-Spangled Banner. You know what the national anthem of this country outta be? The Oscar-Meyer Commercial Jingle! And while we’re at it, change the bald eagle to a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. A BIG BOWL. Cause everything in this country is king size, extra large and SUPER JUMBO. Especially the f*cking people!

Have you seen some of the people in this country? Have you taken a good look at some of these big, fat motherf*ckers walking around? Big fat motherf*ckers! Oh, my God. Huge piles of redundant protoplasm lumbering through the malls like a fleet of interstate buses. The people in this country are immense. Massive bellies, monstrous thighs, and big fat f*cking asses!!! Next time you’re in the vicinity of one of these creatures, stand there for a minute and observe. And if you stand there for a minute you’ll begin to wonder, “How does this woman take a $hit?” How does she $hit? And more frightening still, how does she wipe her ass? Can she even locate her a$$hole? She must require assistance. Are paramedics trained in this field?

Man is that guy the funniest ever.   i’m not even going to try and top that because i know i can’t but he proves what i’m saying, this country is a big fat mess and we need to try and stop it!  So even if this soda ban isn’t the best idea, at least people have more awareness on how big the problem is.  And i probably haven’t convinced one person to look at things my way but whatever, i at least made my point.  Enjoy the nonsense today everybody!


-If anyone is interested and i am sure you are NOT, here is The Article i was talking about which gives a much better explanation of my opinion then i did.

-So what’s Russell Brand’s deal?  He yells, he has an annoying accent,  he never says anything funny, and he f*cked Katy Perry.  Is there anything else i’m missing?  i can’t f’n STAND it when someones only bit is to yell. Did you watch the MTV movie awards?  If you did hopefully you are a 19 year old girl who also reads my blog and wants to bang me to shame her parents.  But anyways, i watched this untalented fool yelled nothing but unfunny nonsense for a few hours and i want ed to jab a golden popcorn statue into my jugular.  Hopefully this guy’s 15 minutes are up already because his whole act is old and lame.  And speaking of the MTV awards, what was up with Johnny Depp doing playing with the Black Keys?  Wait i apologize, the African American Keys.  Haha i think that’s a Tosh joke but i’m not sure, either way that’s not my bit.  But yeah what was that about too?  i think i’m just old and don’t get things now.

-So i’ve been drinking heavily for the hockey playoffs, and since i’m a Devils fan that means i have been doing a LOT of boozing these past few weeks.  But sometimes i can’t decide if i want to do a power hour and drink beers till i’m a puking and deucing Natty light drinking disaster, or if i want to drink a half a bottle of Svedka Clementine vodka and club soda and not have the worst hangover ever the next day but also not remember any of the game.  But since it’s the Finals, my philosophy lately has been to drink both beer and vodka at the same time.  Because it’s just like that old rhyme i just made up, “Beer and liquor at the same time ain’t a crime!”  Please remember and use that line in front of other people.  You don’t have to give me credit but at least help spread the word about my blog!  “But if they read your blog they’ll know you came up with this!”  Oh yeah?  Well f*ck you! “You always end bits with pointless cursing when you don’t have a funny punchline!”  Oh yeah?  Well i like rainbows and daisies and hope you have a wonderful day.  Balls in your court a$$hole.  

“OLDSCHOOL” NONSENSE- Whenever i’m out to dinner and they bring out the “dessert” shots, i always just pound the whole shot.  “OMG! You’re supposed to sip it!”  Um, yeah that’s for fancy lads.  So you fancy huh?  i will just pound the entire shot thank you.  Let me enjoy my dessert how i want, i’m a grown man i got this S figured out.

“Facebook etiquette”-“Next time ur on fb u should like “fap nation”. All they do is post pics of the hottest bitches.” qutoed from a text from Jay John.  i don’t always give credit where credit is due, and as far as Jay John goes i steal everything he does or says and use it as my own on this blog.  But he was the first person to text me about this Fap nation on FB and i can’t thank him enough.  It is literally nothing but hot pics of real girls… and that’s it.  It may not sound like much but if you see the dumbass status updates my friends do everyday you would realize how awesome it is that this page exists.  So go “like” this page if you dig hot pictures of girls because you won’t regret it. That is all.

Fast food tips – Rolo McFlurries are back!  In case you didn’t know they are not around all the time.  So if you have a friend who LOVES them but is moving away, don’t spend her last day here driving to all 6 McDonalds in the area trying to find one for her because if one McDonalds doesn’t have them they ALL don’t have them.  And whatever you do don’t just call and ask because then you wouldn’t get to drive around Bergen County all day just to not achieve your goal.  But yeah these things are back and they are money so make sure you enjoy one soon!

Jeebus CHRISTMAS that was a long blog today.  It wasn’t written well and it wasn’t that funny but it sure was long!  i went for quantity today instead of quality but i hope you guys dig it anyway!  But have a great weekend everyone, and to anyone who wants to point out what a hypocrite i am for agreeing with the soda ban but giving “Fast Food Tips” twice a week well congratulations you are SO f’n smart.  Good luck with that.
Seeya Tuesday!!! – miguel jo$é

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