i smoke two joints in the morning, i smoke two joints at night. i smoke to joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright. i smoke two joints in times of peace, and two in times of war. i smoke two joints before i smoke two joints, and then i smoke two more… Sublime "Two Joints"

20 Apr

What is up stoners?

Happy Friday and Happy holiday kids!  It’s 4/20 today, and if you don’t know what this holiday is i’m guessing you have never met me and we’ve never hung out ever.  And to be honest i had an entire rant planned around that sweet sweet chiba today.  But instead, i’m gonna throw a curveball at you and get a little personal because i think it’s about time that i admitted to all of you that i am in fact seeing someone. Yeah yeah, i know no one wants me to get all romantical when i should be writing a fun marijuana blog.  But it’s time i admit to the world that i found the girl i love and that i’ve never been happier in my life.

It’s funny, because the first time i met her was back in the summer of 8th grade.  i can remember like it was yesterday, hanging at my friend Jim’s house with Oates and crew for a small party. We were all chillen and drinking and laughing when out of nowhere, she walked in.  Her name was Mary, and even though i had heard about her before i had never seen her in person.  But she looked beautiful, and she smelled like an Angel’s whisper.  i didn’t expect to even talk to her at first but then the next thing i know she was right in front of me and my love affair with Mary had begun.  It started off slow, she didn’t live that close to me at first so i would only see her occasionally.  And we were both young so the relationship was just young puppy love if anything.  But it was also tough because we had to hide our love from a lot of people.  i knew my parents wouldn’t approve so i couldn’t tell them, and some of my closest friends just could not understand why i would want to be with her.  So as far as our relationship went those first few years were by far the roughest.  Although i must admit i wouldn’t change those memories for anything. 

So that’s how things went for awhile, we would see each other when we could and we basically kept our relationship hidden from most people.  It wasn’t that i was ashamed of her necessarily, i just knew that people would never understand.  But it wasn’t until college that things got REALLY serious.  Once i got to college we really took our relationship to the next level.  She wasn’t the first girl i ever slept with but she is easily my most favorite.  And we were ANIMALS in college, in the morning we would start having sex as soon as we woke up.  We would bang at lunch, in between class, after class, before dinner, after dinner, before we went to bed, sometimes randomly at night we would wake up at night and just F each other’s brains out and then go back to sleep.  We just couldn’t get enough of each other and every time we slept together i would just want her that much more.

And why wouldn’t i?  She never judges me, she never gets mad at me, and we’ve never had a fight ever.  And like Seth Rogen said in Pineapple Express she just makes everything better.  She makes food taste better, she makes sex feel better, she makes movies better, she makes everything funnier.  i just love being with Mary so much, she’s like a natural high only not natural and with THC.  You’re probably wondering why i haven’t married this girl yet, and i’ll be honest that’s a fair question.  But our love goes beyond marriage, she knows i don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love to her.  What does she have to be insecure about?  She knows she’s my favorite, and she knows i think she’s the best and she knows i will ALWAYS come back to her.  There have been times when we had to be apart, and those times hurt my soul more then i’d care to admit.  But in the end, she will always be my girl, my partner in crime if you will.  All i need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend.  And Mary, you will forever be my girl.  i love you Mary Jane!  XOXOXOXO

RANDOM NONSENSE

-And in case anyone was wondering, yes i did set my alarm for 4:18 in the a.m. this morning so that me and my girl could bang at 4:20.  This is my third favorite holiday after my birthday and Halloween and i always make sure to celebrate right!

-Hey people that get in my personal space, “GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME!”  Man i can’t f’n handle people that get all up on me!  i feel worse for girls, because i feel like guys are the biggest offenders of this.  Especially at work, guys will always come up right next to you when you’re on your computer so you can feel their awful warm coffee breath on your neck.  Or then there are those creepy guys who have to massage your neck and just touch you in general because they are disgusting lowlifes and this is literally the farthest they can get with a girl because everyone finds them horrendous.  But if it’s not against the law for you to get in my personal space it should also not be against the law for me to punch you in your stupid face.  i mean fair is fair.

-“All you can eat!” pancake deals are garbage and are a scam.  For real, even if i’m starving how many gddamn pancakes can i eat?  4?  Maybe 5 if i feel like being super full all day and then throwing up everywhere?  And you have to eat the pancakes then, nothing is worse then trying to eat a reheated pancake the next day.  They are AWFUL and inedible and all the butter and syrup in the world can’t save them.  So yeah don’t fall for that All you can eat nonsense when it comes to pancakes.  IHOP should be a gddamn shamed of themselves.

-One last “High-Ku” for poetry month, once again you can find this and other f’n hilarious stuff in the book “The Marijuana-Logues” by Doug Benson, Arj Barker and Tony Camin.

The bowl is well packed
But there is just one problem
No one has a light

Miguel’s Money Movie Review – So for my money, the best 3 movies about weed are Half Baked, Pineapple Express, and of course Friday.  Friday would be the money movie to watch today because for real it’s always more fun to watch that movie on a Friday.  But Half Baked is fantastic and it has Dave Chappelle years before he got mega famous and went nuts or whatever happened with him.  And for real, if you’ve never seen Pineapple Express but you enjoy smoking that sticky icky you should definitely check it out!  It’s basically Die Hard for stoners and f*ck 127 Hours James Franco should have won the academy award for his incredible performance as a drug dealer in this film.  So if you’re sitting at home celebrating the holiday and you are too lazy to think of a movie to watch i just gave you 3 of the moneyest ones for 4/20.  You are welcome!

Fast Food Tips- When you order a bunch of chicken nuggets, or anything from a fast food joint that requires dipping sauces, always tell them EXACTLY how many sauces you want!  Be specific, don’t bother telling them that you want honey mustard, ranch and BBQ because then that is exactly what you will get, one of each.  And who only uses one dipping sauce with your nuggets? If i’m ordering a 20 piece nuggets i literally want 20 different dipping sauces.  Stop being so stingy aholes!  We know you’re a billion dollar corporation.  But when they ask i always say “i’d like 2 Buffalo sauces, 2 honey mustard, and 3 things of your “boowhip” sauce that i heard so much about.  So you can actually learn from this tip and be specific when you’re ordering your sauces, or you can not listen and eat nuggets with ketchup which is the most awful thing ever.  My advice is to listen to me because i’m the money.

LATER DICK!

“So i just saw that Dick Clark died on Yahoo” – me

“You should probably stop looking up dicks on the internet” – Stephanie

Hahahaha i almost miss you sometimes ya jerk!

Alright that’s it for me.  If anyone is paying attention they know that the Devils won 4-0 last night which also means i’m a hungover disaster today.  But not hungover enough to celebrate the holiday so i hope the rest of you enjoy it as well and i will see you guys on Tuesday!

-miguel jo$é

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One Response to “i smoke two joints in the morning, i smoke two joints at night. i smoke to joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright. i smoke two joints in times of peace, and two in times of war. i smoke two joints before i smoke two joints, and then i smoke two more… Sublime "Two Joints"”

  1. Jim April 20, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

    Later Dick! Hahaha

    Like

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