Ain’t no way to explain or say, how painful the hangover was today. In front of the toilet, hands and knees, trying to breathe in between the dry heaves. My baby made me some coffee, afraid that if i drink some it’s probably coming right back out me. Couple of Advil, relax and chill. At a standstill with how bad i feel. – Atmosphere "Sunshine"

17 Apr

What is up kids?

So if anyone wondering what the best song ever about a hangover is it’s the one i just used in my quote, the song “Sunshine” by Atmosphere.  Those lyrics make it sound really rough in the beginning but by the end of the song he is feeling money and loving life which is kinda what i am hoping for today with this new hangover i have…

Holy S balls kids, i am in RARE form these days.  i am literally boozing my face off every other night partying it up and i just can’t stop.  i feel like at some point i’m going to take a break, and i guess i kinda did on Saturday when i slept till 4:30 and didn’t drink at all and went to bed pretty early.  And normally i don’t want to waste a Saturday like that but when you’re partying everyday like it’s the weekend i guess it doesn’t really matter if you blow it on a Saturday night.  And i’m not saying all of this to show off, or to brag, or to even sound cool.  i’m just saying all this because it’s the truth and i don’t know what else to talk about. 

The main problem is these hockey playoffs.  For real, they are going to be the DEATH of me.  At least football has enough sense to only be on Sunday and when it’s over it gives me a week to recover.  But with hockey there is at least one game i want to watch every night, and since i cannot watch it sober i am kinda doing a number on myself.  i have to watch the Devils because they are my favorite team and i’m rooting for them hard.  And in order to be a “real” fan i need to pound Vodka clubs before, during and after the game so i’m a drunken mess every time they play.  And i have to drink during the Rangers games because i F’N HATE THE MOTHERF’N RANGERS.  And in order to enhance my fury i need to add some liquid anger to my rage each game.  But yeah like i said, there is a game basically every night so Sunday it was Devils, last night it was the Rangers, tonight is the Devils again and then tomorrow it’s the Rangers again and then Thursday it’s the Devils….

So yeah i’m going to die is basically what i’m getting at.  i’m not trying to kill myself, but i have a feeling my liver is just going to commit suicide soon instead of trying to survive this painful death i am putting it through.  And the craziest thing out of all of this is that since i’m drinking Vodka clubs my hangovers really haven’t been that bad at all.  Today is kind of rough because it was nice as hell out last night which of course means outside beer pong.  So after way too many beers and a couple of Vodka clubs and then that late night pizza we got i definitely threw up this morning.  i threw up in the toilet this time, which bothers me because i had literally JUST cleaned that piece with my Lysol and bleach cleaning stuff the day before.  But oh well, what can you do i guess.  Well besides not be an alcoholic maniac i mean.  And i don’t know bad all of this sounds, hopefully not too bad even though i really don’t give a $hit if it does.  But i have to admit, it has been fun as hell doing all this partying lately.  i have friends in relationships or that or married and/or have kids and i gotta tell you, i am just NOT f’n ready for that stuff yet.  You can stay home and change diapers and think about daycare or plan your wedding, i’ll be at out wondering if i should drink cherry and/or orange vodka with club as i set up the beer pong table and order that large pie with bacon from Turvinos and my friends come over to booze it up and watch the playoffs.  Why would i give all that up to be responsible for another human being’s life and raise a child?  No seriously, i’m asking.  Why would i do that?

Well lucky for you i’m not giving it up, so those of you who live vicariously through me you have nothing to worry about yet.  You guys can do all the real life stuff like get married and have kids and buy a house and stuff, i’ll keep buying 30 packs of Natty light and play my friends in pong for the singles and tag team titles as we play Wii Home run derby in between periods of the Devils game tonight.  i’m sure at some point i will slow down but at the moment i’m full speed ahead with this bender i’ve been on and as of now i see no end in sight. So i hope you all enjoy this ride as much as i do and if not i don’t care and go f yourself!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Why do people who have kids always want you to hold their baby?  Or wait, let me correct that.  Why do people who have kids always want me to hold their baby when i look them straight in the eye and say “I DO NOT WANT TO HOLD YOUR F*CKING KID!”   People who have babies are obsessed with having me hold them no matter how much i tell them that i don’t want to.  Just the idea of holding that kid makes me SO uncomfortable, what if i break the stupid thing?  And you gotta be careful with their little heads and how you hold them up and i don’t want to breathe or move because what if i drop it and… So yeah just forget it, i clearly cannot handle this pressure.  And isn’t the fact that i’m refusing to hold your kid good enough reason to not want me to hold it?  i will never get it, you have these panicky moms that worry about EVERYTHING involving their kid’s safety, yet they have zero problem letting the slightly overweight yet sexy Hispanic guy who clearly doesn’t want kids and is on a 3 week straight Vodka club bender who is also a pot smoking lowlife, yeah that guy is clearly responsible enough to hold your child.  Some of you parents have a lot of growing up to do!

-i might have said this before but when i get a bacon egg and cheese on a bagel for my hangovers i get it with mayo and not ketchup.  Some people think this is gross but those people are judgemental aholes who don’t understand the pain i go through with my hangovers.  Because if they did, they’d know that all the fat and grease from a bacon egg and cheese is almost enough to make me feel better, but it’s that coating of mayo that REALLY makes my tummy scream in orgasm.  Nothing like covering delicious fatty bacon with even more liquid fat!  i would think most of you haven’t even tried it yet so i’m telling you now, go do it!  i may be hurt up but once i took a bite of that juicy greasy disaster my friend in my pants went boooooWHIP!  And i’ll tell you right now that stuff that came out sure as hell wasn’t mayo!  Alright that last bit is a little rough but yeah for real you should try it.  The mayo i mean, not my “booowhip” sauce. 

“OLDSCHOOL” Tips for Video Games- If you want to play Legend of Zelda but you want to start on the second quest which is harder then the first, just enter the name “ZELDA” and you will automatically start on that second quest.  It’s more or less the same as the first except it’s harder and some items are in different places and more expensive in some of the stores.  Man this is my favorite bit!

A Great Name for a Punk Band! – “The Killer Tacos”  My friend Sue came up with this as she was bartending this weekend and some taco shells fell on her head.  i don’t know if it’s racist that she immediately thought of me and my band name bit but either way it’s hilarious and i’m glad she did 🙂 

“Facebook etiquette”- How come when you send someone a message on Facebook it has to keep EVERY message that you’ve ever written the person?  i literally want to just say hi to someone but every Facebook email i’ve sent them since 1975 is still attached to that same message and it’s mad annoying.  Hey FB, if i’m not replying to a message sent to me can you just pretend that if i am sending a new message i don’t also need to recall every conversation i’ve had in history with that person?  Thanks Dicks!

Fast Food Tips- So it’s officially “Tax day” and while most people hate today including my #1 fan Stef who probably won’t even get to read this until next week because she is so busy, there are also a MILLION free deals that places are giving out to make this day a little less awful.  A lot of these deals you need to print out a coupon, and the best way to do that is to go to this site: Tax Day Food Freebies because you can access all the coupons there.  But i will list below everything that you can get for free today!

Half price drinks and slushes all day at Sonic!

Free Chicken Breast Sandwich at White Castle (when you buy another sandwich).  Print coupon.

Free dessert or appetizer at Chilli’s with an adult entree purchase.  Print coupon

Free steak at Panda Express when you “like” Panda Express on Facebook and print coupon.

Free fries at Arby’s.  Print coupon

Free ice cream at MaggieMoo’s.  Actually it’s free frozen yogurt from 4-7 pm, none coupon needed.

Free cinnamon bun “bites” at Cinnabon from 6-8 pm, none coupon needed.

Boston Market buy one get one, get a free individual meal with the purchase of an individual meal and fountain drink.  Print coupon

Remember, for all the ones you need to print a coupon for just go here! Tax day food freebies

i swear, everytime i think i’m gonna have to bail on posting a blog and then out of nowhere i come out with this GENIUS.  It’s criminal i don’t get paid for this.  In fact, i’m going to start charging and i also want back pay so all of you fools owe me $50!  Alright fine i won’t charge you, but do me a favor and start telling your friends about my blog so hopefully the right people will end up reading it and then i really will make money and then i’ll totally change and get all new friends and stop writing about fun stuff but i won’t care because i will finally be rich and then i’ll be better then all of you!  Haha just kidding, i’m already better then all of you. 

But yeah have a great week, and i will see you kids on Friday for my special 4/20 blog which is my favorite holiday ever after Halloween and my birthday.  But i will see you kids again on 4/20!  – miguel jo$é

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2 Responses to “Ain’t no way to explain or say, how painful the hangover was today. In front of the toilet, hands and knees, trying to breathe in between the dry heaves. My baby made me some coffee, afraid that if i drink some it’s probably coming right back out me. Couple of Advil, relax and chill. At a standstill with how bad i feel. – Atmosphere "Sunshine"”

  1. Anonymous April 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Skipped lunch today to sit in my car, listen to GOOD music, and read your blog 🙂 …love that you mentioned me and this shitty day 🙂

    Amazing blog as always!

    Love your #1 fan, Stef 🙂

    Like

  2. Jim April 17, 2012 at 7:23 pm #

    Booowhip Sauce…. God that's hysterical.

    Like

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