i was a terror since the public school era. Bathroom passes, cuttin’ classes, squeezing asses. Smoking blunts was a daily routine. Since thirteen, a chubby nigga on the scene… – Notorious BIG "Party and Bull$hit)

6 Apr

Because all we want to do is Party and Bull$hit and Party and Bull$hit and Party and Bull$hit and Party and Bull$hit…

What is up kids?

Oh that’s right, i’m coming at you with DOS Biggie quotes this week son!  The first one i used because i was feeling pretty raw, and what better song to quote then “Dead Wrong” when you’re in a raw mood?  But today’s quote is pretty apt for how i’m living these days because Jeebus Tapdancing Christballs i have been on a BENDER lately…

i’m trying to think back to when it all started but i honestly can’t remember.  The fact that i boozed it up with some oldschool friends last night till like 1 in the morning isn’t really helping my mind at the moment i will admit that.  But for real, i feel like a few weeks ago i kinda decided i should actually try “doing” things and “going” places instead of my normal hang out with my girl mary and just chill at my place all night.  Which don’t get me wrong, it’s still my favorite thing to do.  One because my girl loves me.  But also because i never get horrific hangovers, i never have to check my phone for awful texts i might have sent and i never have to worry about who i need to apologize to the following day. 

But yeah anyways i feel like i decided to change things up one day and start getting out in the “real” world and it has been one wacky game show these last few weeks i can tell you that my friends.  First of all, i’ve learned that Vodka club is the miracle drink.  FINALLY a drink that can get me totally bombed as bad as i want but i don’t wake up wanting to throw my guts up all over the place and jab a pair of scissors into my temple to stop the migraines.  i mean don’t get me wrong, if i booze Vodka and club all night i don’t wake up skipping to my kick boxing class at CKO in Paramus at 8:15 on a Saturday morning just because i want a good morning workout and happen to find the super young trainer cute.  i mean let’s not get crazy here.  But if any of you realized how bad a normal hangover is for me, when you see me after a night of Vodka clubs i’m a MILLION times better off then if i boozed anything else.  And to me, that is a victory!

But i’ll tell you kids, i need to put the brakes on this bender quick because i 100% cannot keep up with myself. i wish i could say i could party as hard as Wecht can day in and day out but i’m built for sprints not marathons.  My “A” game is definitely as good as Sue’s but hers is pretty much always on and i have one good night in me at best.  But i will say even she would be proud of this bender of mine!  As proud as i was of her when she dropped that “Here Comes the Lazy…” line on this blog’s Facebook page.  Touche you sexy bitch!  But yeah these last few weeks have been mad fun, even the stuff i don’t remember which is plenty.  And luckily i haven’t ended any friendships that i can think of, and all of those girls i was with told me they didn’t end up pregnant which is a HUGE relief because i don’t need anymore kids that i never plan on raising or giving money to or having any contact with them ever in their lives unless i need a liver later in life which will actually definitely happen so maybe i should at least become friendly with one of them…

But for real starting soon i think i’m gonna start to take it easy and clear out my mind grapes for a hot one so hopefully i can write about something different for once other then this nonstop partying i’ve been doing.  i’m not gonig to slow down tonight because i have a happy hour to go to but probably starting tomorrow i am going to try and be better!  And i may be writing about the same garbage every blog but be honest, at least i haven’t talked about my stupid feelings for a hot one! 

And oh yeah, before i get to my NONSENSE i want to give The Money $hot-out of the Week to my boy from grade school Mike Giacobbe who was nice enough to join me on last night’s bender.  Me and this kid go WAAAAY back, i mean playing Goonies 2 on Nintendo way back.  And it’s funny because in the same week i caught up with him i caught up with another old friend who REALLY doesn’t like my blog because they told me that my grammar is absolutely awful and that i basically say the same thing over and over again and that my format is just too hard to get into and therefore my blog is unreadable.  So first i hear someone tell me that and how not funny i am and then this guy Mike lets me know he reads my blog every time and actually loves all the same things that other person hated.  And i’ll be completely honest i they are both right.  i think the people that don’t dig my blog hate it for all the right reasons and the people that do dig it like it for all the right reasons too.  But yeah man, it was great seeing you last night Michael and you’d better be down for round 2 tonite because i have a feeling this happy hour is gonna get a little nutty…

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Is it not a classy move when you are at Chilli’s and get a margarita to just put a big straw in the jug it comes in instead of drinking it out of the margarita glass they want you to drink it out of?  What am i the President?  Next thing you’ll be telling me i need to wear pants!  But for real why sip that stupid glass when i can get right to the source?  i’d like to get that goodness in me immediately please!  And don’t judge me, i’m Mexican so if that’s how i drink a margarita don’t tell me i’m wrong you honkeys!  Although if you are Hispanic and want to tell me what i’m doing is wrong please go ahead, i know i’m an awful human being.  But you’re allowed to tell me that, not all those other crackers because that’s racist. 

-Never tell anyone that they look like someone else.  There’s so much wrong with that i almost don’t know where to start.  When is that ever a compliment?  Even if you say to a girl “You look like Heidi Klum!” they will still get insulted because “F*ck you i look like me!”  You’re basically telling the person that when you see them you don’t really see them you are just thinking of someone else that looks like them.  And when does that ever make anyone feel good?  The answer is never so stop doing it.  Although when that girl i was with the other night said i reminded her of Peter North, that one was okay.  Oh and if you don’t know him don’t look him up on your work computer or you will get fired.  And yes Giacobbe i know you want to say i look more like Stephen St. Croix i just didn’t think anyone else would get that but you haha.

-Can restaurants start giving us our food to take home in microwavable containers already?  Do i really have to tell them this??  Every place gives you your food to take home in some plastic thing, or a Styrofoam thing, or anything that you can’t just throw in a microwave and heat up.  When you know all i’m going to do the next day is take that $hit and heat it up!  You want to keep all those old containers for salads and cold stuff, fine.  But for real, them taking this long to figure it out is just as bad as how long it took society to figure out that they should make ketchup bottles upside down and they should put wheels on luggage.  i don’t know who is blowing it on this microwavable to go container idea but could you please stop blowing it and hook it up already?  Thanks!

Fast Food Tips- So i got to give props to what that “Eat this Not That!” guy rated as the WORST burger in America.  And that burger is Chilli’s “Jalapeno Smokehouse Bacon Burger” which at an amazing 1,910 calories contains more then two days worth of saturated fat and as much sodium as you would find in SIX pounds of McDonald’s fries!  i know some of you hear that and want to throw up, and others of you get a moist feeling in your pants in excitement.  So for the latter here is what is in this monstrosity that i know you will have to order later:  Bacon, cheddar, mayo, tortilla strips, and jalapeno-ranch dressing.  Oh and don’t forget when you eat that and die of a heart attack later to make sure to drop a  LATER DICKS! on your way out!

A Great Name for a Punk Band! – “Boner Patrol”.  Alright this name isn’t that great but my friend Rob keeps pushing this band name so i had to put it up to shut him up already.  Are you happy now Rob?!?!?  The sad thing is i know he is, that silly goose.

“OLDSCHOOL” Tips for Video Games- Do you know how to get extra points for Fireworks when you jump on the flag pole at the end of a level in Super Mario Brothers?  You don’t??? Good thing i started this bit!  But when you touch the flag pole, take note of how much time is left.  If you touch the flag pole when the time left has the last digit of 1,3 or 6 you will get 1, 3, or 6 fireworks.  Every firework will give you more points so aim for that 6 and don’t blow it!

i’ll give you “Here Comes the Lazy” Suzie!  This blog is the gddamn money!  i swear i need to start charging people for this S, this is too good to just give away for free.  Although then all the people who i steal all my jokes from will want a piece of me Britney style so i guess i’ll just forget that for now haha. 
But i hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!  Hopefully you are off today but if not have a great Passover (if that’s what you say, i have no idea), have a terrific Easter and i will see you kids next Tuesday if i don’t die before then!  Haha wouldn’t be f’d up if i really did die after saying that?  That would probably make a money Yahoo news story next week, “guy from the money blog predicts his own death”.  But don’t worry, i should probably be okay.  But you might want to check in on my blog this Tuesday just to make sure…
Who said i wouldn’t put a “death” teaser on my blog?  Whoever it was you can suck it!
-miguel jo$é
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One Response to “i was a terror since the public school era. Bathroom passes, cuttin’ classes, squeezing asses. Smoking blunts was a daily routine. Since thirteen, a chubby nigga on the scene… – Notorious BIG "Party and Bull$hit)”

  1. Anonymous April 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    oh my god…literally crying at my desk…love! =)

    -stef =)

    Like

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