Yes, here we go again give you more, nothing lesser. Back on the mic is the anit-depresser. mi-guel, no pressure. Yes we need this. The best is yet to come and yes, believe this. – Beastie Boys "Make Some Noise"

27 Mar

We got a party on the left, a party on the right.
We gonna party for the motherf*cking right to fight.
Make some noise if you’re with me!

What is up kids? 

Happy gddamn Tuesday!  It’s a tad cold out the but the weather is beautiful and i’m in the money mood so let’s get to it already.  Although first, i’ll be honest.  Digging into my past and opening up past scars in my first ever “Blog Triology” was fun and eye opening to say the least.  And let me also just say for the record, never forget that those feelings and that letter i wrote about was from gddamn HIGH SCHOOL for crying out loud. i’ve grown up a bit since then and i am nowhere near that sensitive pu$$y who was a crying heartbroken mess back in the day.  i mean don’t get me wrong, i’m still a sensitive f*ck and i won’t deny that.  But the time of me wasting tears over b!tches who don’t care about me is over with.  i don’t gots time for that $hit anymore.  “i don’t chase em, i replace em.  And if i’m carressin’ em i’m undressin’ em”.  – Biggie Smalls.  If i’ve learned anything as i get older it’s that you need to care about the people that are close to you and who would do anything for you and just say          
LATER DICKS!  to everyone else.  i used to not be able to do that, i used to try so hard to keep friendships with people who obviously don’t care and never pretended to care in the first place.  But whatever, i’ve got the money best friends and i love my family to death and i can’t ask for much more then that.

But for real, ENOUGH of that garbage for a hot one! i’m glad i can get deep on this blog sometimes, and the fact that topics like that are open for me to do is a good thing to know.  But i think i’ve exhausted that awfulness for now and it’s time to get back to the ha ha’s.  And i know i’ve told stories about being hungover before but i don’t know if i’ve ever told you about my FIRST hangover.  Well maybe it wasn’t my first but it was definitely the first time i was hungover to the point of debating suicide. This story is another story from high school, but this time i was a Sophomore with none girlfriend so already this story is better.  But anyways, a girl i knew that was a Senior had a party at her house on a Saturday night and i was invited and i went with one of my friends.  i forget who it was that came with me but for the sake of the story i’ll call him “Slappy”.  So me and Slappy show up at this party, and it’s money cause we’re Sophomores and it’s a Senior party so off the bat we’re fired up.  But anyways this was right at the time that Zima just came out, and it was the first time i had seen it at a party.  Or any alcohol really, i didn’t booze THAT much when i was a Sophomore.  But yeah they had Zima at this party and everyone was like “OOOH FUN!” and everyone was drinking it and i’m only 12 years old so i’m like yeah i’ll try it and i was like “OOOOOOOH FUN!!!” And i started POUNDING those $hits like crazy.  Now if you don’t know what Zima is (and if you’re a girl that ever wants to date me i guarantee you have no clue what i’m talking about), Zima is a fruity beverage that is like a wine cooler but way gayer.  Some people like to drink them with Skittles to make them even more fruity and gay because it literally has zero alcohol taste only gay fruityness. So yeah i start pounding those all night because i’m young and they taste good and i’m a homosexual, and man we just had the best time ever and i went home and went to bed with a smile on my face and end of story!

Oh wait, except for the fact that the next morning all that sugar MURDERED me to my soul.  All that SWEETNESS, ugh just thinking about it makes my stomach churn.  It’s funny the things we remember, i feel like the days of my biggest triumphs and happiness i don’t remember too much of anything.  But on days that scarred me for the rest of my life, like never telling that girl i love her or drinking too much Zima and almost dying the next day i can remember like it JUST happened.  Even the little details, like for example i remember that for some reason my parents were away and my older brother was there to watch me and my little brother and sister who were MAD young at the time.  And i remember all three of them were in the living room watching that Sylvestor Stallone movie “Cliff Hanger” and i tried to watch it with them.  But i kept having to get up to go to the bathroom to throw up my f*cking lungs.  And i have to tell you, it was one of the WORST throw ups ever.  When you booze a bunch of beers you kinda just get full and throw up a bunch of foam and beer.  But Zima is just this candy coating on your stomach and liver, and when you throw it up it’s this thin yellow strip that feels like it’s pulling away your insides like pulling a string and unravelling a sweater with my stomach being that sweater.  i just remember sweating and puking and crying and dying and just wanting my life to end until i could finally pull it together and go back in the living room and watch that stupid movie which was awful but Lithgow was great. And i would sit on the couch in a cold sweat with a towel around my neck until i’d get up and go to the bathroom and throw up again which i repeated probably around 6 times, each one as awful as the next.  And it’s funny because this had to be back in 1993 or 94 but to this day i can remember all those details.  But yeah that was easily one of my top 5 worst hangovers which now that i think about it maybe i’ll try to come up with that list in my blog…

But okay there’s no real ending of this story.  i guess eventually i feel asleep and didn’t diebut yeah that’s about it as far as the climax of this story goes.  Which is a funny word to use because that also means when you achieve orgasm during sex. Which is basically another way of saying the person “came”.  But you wouldn’t reverse that and say that about a movie.  Like you wouldn’t say this movie is great but i can’t wait for the cumming!  Unless you were watching a porno and then that phrase would be apt.

What the hell was this rant even about?  i don’t know, but i wasn’t crying about some bitch for once so i’m happy.  On to the Nonsense!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-i don’t know what it is about me being around kids but holy S balls i am such a pottymouth!  i mean, i’m not really around too many kids too often for both legal and personal reasons.  But as soon as some little midget 4 year old is around me, every other word i drop is F this and F that and motherF this and Suck my D you f’n Wh0rebag B!  Alright maybe i’m not that bad, but i’m not far off either.  And i don’t mean to do it, it’s not like a see a little angel and i want to curse my face off because i’m a dirtbag.  i mean i am a dirtbag but that’s not why i curse in front of kids.  i honestly just don’t realize i do it, but next thing i know i have an angry mom looking at me because i called Rush Limbaugh a f*cking fat piece of $hit who spews nothing but hate and should honestly die already and then i get a funny look at me.  Oh well, my advice is to keep me away from your kids.  Actually no it’s not, just don’t have kids.  They are overrated anyway. 

-Do people still drive cars using a stick shift?  i mean, do they still make new cars that aren’t automatic??  i’m assuming they do but i can’t imagine who would buy them.  Besides people who like doing more work when they are driving i mean.  Who actually likes to drive?  i’m guessing if you do you can’t live around a city, because dealing with nonstop traffic and New York and Jersey aholes on the road is the WORST.  So yeah maybe if i lived in the country where i could just speed everywhere i might actually like driving and would dig a car with a stick shift.  But otherwise, why would i ever want to use one?  Let me get this straight, i can either just drive and let the car switch gears automatically, OR i can switch gears all the f’n time and do stuff and pay attention instead of just letting the car do all the work for me.  Are those really my options?  And do people really still choose a stick shift?  And the people who do drive a stick shift always tell me “it’s really not that bad but it’s kind of annoying in bumper to bumper traffic because you have to keep switching gears.”  So wait, you didn’t think traffic was bad enough that you had to figure out a way to make it worse and even more annoying?  i don’t get most people and mot things most times.

-Why do i watch movies on TBS when i own the DVD?  Oh i know why, because instead of watching the movie uninterrupted i’d rather watch it with nonstop commercials and all the cursing and nudity cut out of it.  You know, the good parts.!  And if i do start watching a movie on TBS or TNT that i have, how come once it goes to a commercial i don’t just go to my collection, grab the movie and put it in so i can avoid all the awfulness of commercials and censorship?  Oh i know why, because i’m a lazy f*ck who would rather complain about things and write about it in my blog then actually do anything about it.  i’m the worst.

“OLDSCHOOL” NONSENSE- i hate “auto” paper towel dispensers in restrooms.  “But its so much more sanitary and you save paper!” True, but it takes f’n 3 hours to get 2 sheets from those stupid things.  They f’n take FOREVER.  And you can’t just hold your hand up to the thing you have to pull the sheet off or it won’t keep feeding them.  Those auto “Air” dryers are kinda okay too but they never get your hands as dry as you want them.  Although i’ve always wanted one of those Air dryers for my house so i could dry off my balls when i got out of the shower.  i don’t know, i just feel like i’d dig it.  Alright fine i did it once at that airport and i can’t wait to do it again, are you happy???

Fast Food Tips – “Hey you dirty f’n dishwasher/lawn mower when are you going to review the Doritos Locos Tacos already!”  Um, that’s a pretty racist way to start off my Fast Food Tips for today but whatever i’ll go with it.  But yeah if you haven’t heard, Taco Bell has a new Taco that they describe as a Taco Supreme® made with premium seasoned beef,crisp lettuce, diced juicy red ripe tomatoes, real cheddar cheese and topped with cool reduced-fat sour cream, in a shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos® Chips. Or in human terms, it’s their same gddamn tacos with some Dorito flavoring added to it.  Early reviews have told me that they are pretty ghetto, and that there is no way the actual taco is a legit Dorito and it’s more like they took a regular taco shell and basically dusted it with some Dorito flavoring.  So try it if you wish but from what  hear it’s not that great. And after eating that triple steak burrito DISASTER i’m kinda off T-bell for the time being.

Oldschool Tips for Oldschool Video games–  NEW BIT!  i don’t have time to come up with the new font for this but i should hopefully have that by Friday.  But anyways…. so i want to start doing some new bits and as i was sitting in my room last night playing Megaman 5 which is a part of the MegaMan 10th anniversary edition that has all 10 Megaman games on it i started thinking about all the oldschool video game cheats and codes i used to know and how that knowledge has ZERO use these days.  But it’d be a shame to let all that great info go to waste which is why i’m starting this new bit!  And the fun part of this bit is that i’m hoping you guys can help me out.  “What do mean, most of us already write this whole gddamn blog for you!”  This is true, but now i’m getting more specific with what i want so you can LITERALLY write this blog for me now. 

But before ALL of you email me the Contra code because i’m sure you are all dying to do so, i will just use that one first to get it out of your arsenal.  If you don’t know this cheat code (and the only way you wouldn’t would be if you never played a gddamn video game in your life) this is the all-time most memorable video game code in history.  If you do the following code you start the game off with 30 lives.  i know you’re all dying to say it so say it with me kids! 

And don’t forget to add “Select then Start” if you are playing two players and want both players to have 30 lives which of course you do.

But yeah that’s the new bit, hopefully you kids got some good ones saved in the back of your dome because i’m finally giving you a place to drop that knowledge.  So if you have any oldschool tips or tricks for games, whether it be Sega or Playstation or the original Nintendo, email them to me at: Happyhourinc.migueljose@gmail.com   As long as you keep those tips coming i’ll keep this bit going as long as possible!

ANNNND i’m spent.  Hopefully those of you who hated the triology came back and gave me one more chance today because today’s blog is straight money!

And also don’t forget, this Friday March 30th i am going out to The Office Bar and Grill in Ridgewood, NJ to celebrate one year of my blog!  i know a bunch of you already told me you are coming but to anyone else who is down to celebrate and buy me drinks or even just to come out to a happy hour and buy me drinks please feel free to do so this Friday! 

Cyaaaaa-  miguel jo$é

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Yes, here we go again give you more, nothing lesser. Back on the mic is the anit-depresser. mi-guel, no pressure. Yes we need this. The best is yet to come and yes, believe this. – Beastie Boys "Make Some Noise"”

  1. Anonymous March 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    Literally was laughing so hard I was crying…your description if zima throwup being like the unraveling of a sweater was amazing…can't wait for Friday

    Stef 🙂

    Like

  2. Anonymous March 28, 2012 at 3:46 am #

    This totally made my night.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: