And when at last i find you, this song will fill the air. Sing it loud so i can hear you, make it easy to be near you. All the things you do endear you to me, oh you know i will – The Beatles "i will"

23 Mar

A trilogy of heartbreak, the FINALE.

So this is act three…

But before we get to the final chapter of my embarrassing love letter to my ex… We f’n did it kids!  One year ago to the day i started this blog, and even though 98% of you thought i would quit immediately (and rightfully so) i’m still gddmamn standing! i’d like to say i made it this far all by myself but that is far from true.  Like i said i don’t have the most hugemongous following in the world but those of you that do read my nonsense definitely inspire me to keep it up.  So for real, those of you that have been here for this whole ride, or even hopped on the bandwagon at some point throughout the year i just want to say thank you, it really means the world to me.  And i hope between me telling the same hungover throwing up stories and random observations on life, as well as me admitting some of the embarrassing awful secrets in my life that i admit to all of you in this blog.  i hope all of this has kept you laughing at least some if not part of the time…

But before i get to the one year celebration  there is one matter left to attend.  And that is the end of my letter to my first love who broke my heart. i mean she did so because i was an emotionally immature awful human being so i kinda don’t blame her, but she did break my heart nonetheless.  And i’ll be honest, it didn’t embarrass me to put part one of the letter up there because again this heartbreak is from SO f’n long ago.  And again, since i don’t carry that pain with me anymore i just thought it’d be funny to put this out there cause why the F not?  And putting up that second part of the letter didn’t bother me because it really wasn’t that bad and definitely not as bad as the first part.  But this last part of the letter however is MURDEROUS.  And now that i’m actually writing it out i almost wish i never did this haha.  And if i was smart i would just leave out the “p.s.” part because that is the absolute WORST of it all. 

But whatever it’s too late now.  And i guess me writing down how i truly felt at the worst time in my life is a fitting way to cap off this year.  Because isn’t that what life is really all about, getting through a heartbreak one way or another?  That’s how i feel about life anyways.  But enough about all that, let’s finish this trilogy off already shall we?

-Now that you’ve read this i feel like i must have answered your question that you asked through that night, “Why do you care?”  If you don’t know by now after reading this well i guess i’ve failed again.  Once more i have opened my heart out to you and it has fallen on deaf ears.   At least now i  can be with peace with myself, for i know i will have tried really hard to make the best friend i ever had feel special once again.  i always was a much better writer then i was speaking in person which is why this letter was so long i guess.  Thank you for taking the time to at least humor my feelings one more time, and i hope you will at least consider what i said.  If you can only find it in your heart to be civil to me when i see you then so be it, it’s all i can ask of you i guess.  So now i’m going to bed, feeling a sigh of relief getting my feelings to rest.  But please don’t worry about me calling you or bothering you from this point on.  For i know you want me out of your life which was evident when you said you would not see me.  And if that is what you want, me waiting a lonely lifetime, then i will.  Love always, miguel

p.s.  If you think after reading this that you would like to talk or just give me any kind of reaction than by all means i’m here for you.  But if not don’t worry about it, you’re silence will be answer enough for me.


Gddamn i was one pathetic heartbroken piece of $hit!  And i’ll admit this last part is really f’n embarrassing, but i also have to admit i’m glad i put this up there.  i feel like i spent so many years trying to get over this girl and get over that pain that i honestly blocked so much of this out of my head for so long that i truly forgot about most of this.  i mean don’t get me wrong, i’ve thrown in more heartbreaks on top of this one in my life.  But i REALLY buried this one deep, so deep, so deep put her butt to sleep.  Nice Jewell.  But no seriously i even forgot that the Beatles song “i will” that i used for the quotes on these 3 blogs was our f’n song.  i hadn’t listened to that song since probably 1997 and i honestly haven’t even thought about it since then.  Are you kidding, how could i?  That hurt so much to listen to!  But once i found this letter, and once i started digging away at those memories it hit me like a ton of bricks and i went to Itunes immediately and bought it.  And the song is only a minute and a half long but holy S balls kids for that minute and a half i was a teenager again in his room dying and missing his first love again.

But i think with this trilogy i’ve done enough about love for the near future don’t you think?  Most of you don’t read my blog to hear about heartbreak.  You want to hear how i went through two Natty light 30 packs doing a power hour and playing pong on a Thursday night and then stumbled into work late the next day after puking my guts out while i’m on all 4’s in the shower a sweaty hurt up mess as i try to push the chunks of pizza i ate at 3 in the morning that i threw up onto the bottom of the tub through the drain.  So yeah starting Tuesday i’m going to get back to more of that nonsense because i know that’s what you sickos want!

And since my blog is officially one year old today i figured i would pick some of my favorite jokes from my
RANDOM NONSENSE from the past year to try and highlight some of my funniest bits.  “You mean that after a year you are still lazier then ever and just feel like using old material because you have nothing new or funny!”  Yup, that’s what i mean.  But whatever, you write your own blog and when hit your year anniversary i’ll let you do whatever you want!


-Hey, places that only accept cash… grow up already.  yeah i know it’s a lot easier for deli’s and pizza places to keep their “shady” tax records.  But i want some gddamn pizza and i don’t want to run to an ATM and pay the $6 charge for a $2 slice.   (That bit was written from my first blog one year ago today!)

-Do you kinda hate it when you’re hanging out with a bunch of people, and everyone starts buying shots and you’re doing them and it’s cool and fun.  But everyone starts buying them and eventually you kinda feel like it’s your turn, but in your head you’re like “Jesus Christmas i don’t have enough money to buy everyone shots! That’s why i’ve been milking this beer for the last hour! Do you realize how expensive 5 gddamn shots are?  That’s more then i wanted to spend all night!”  And your only choices are to either buy the shots and just take that $35 overdraft fee but be the hero, or you can just put on your jacket and get the F out of there.  So basically the point of this story is that is why i left early the other night Duffy, i’m a broke basterd.  Go F yourself!

“Facebook etiquette”- Hey aholes who check in everywhere on Facebook… no one gives a $hit where you are!  “Lisa just checked into work!”  Really Lisa? Because i know you have a job and i figure you go there 5 days a week.  Do you need to tell me every f’n time you get there?  “Courtney is in class” “Stephanie is at McDonalds getting a Rolo McFlurry”  “Odessa is at Dress Barn getting new shoes” “Jerry is in the bathroom taking a dump”  Awesome, thanks guys.  It was bad enough i had to ignore all of your useless status updates, now i also get to not care where you are currently at as well?  Unless you are one of those models from the Victoria Secret Fashion show i don’t give a flying f*ck where you are! 

Oh so i see that you’re married….

-Why, on God’s green Earth, do people who walk onto a bus or a train always have to come in and sit right next to YOU??  It doesn’t matter if it’s the only seat left or if you’re the only person on the bus, people always have to come by and sit RIGHT next to you.  And i say “people”, when i really mean weirdos and creepos. Who smell HORRIBLE.  And are always fat! And they are usually coughing or doing something else horrific.  Why do these f’n people come sit next to me?!?!  What vibe could i possibly be giving that makes you think i want your disgusting sweaty ass next to me???  Well i apologize for the confusion but please get the F away from me you repulsive monster, i’d honestly rather this was the bus from “Speed” but instead of making that big jump we all died in a horrible crash which would be better then spending another second next to you on this bus.

-For my money the best game to get girls drunk is flip cup, hands down.  First of all they all love it, and secondly it’s really the only game they’ll play anyway.  They won’t play beer pong, or if they do they are always awful at it. At best they will be not the worst.  But you can always get a ton of girls to play flip cup.  It’s a very quick game, it’s easy to play and you don’t really drink that much.  In theory anyways, because sure a quick “sip” before flipping that cup isn’t much but the game only lasts 15 seconds and once it’s over the losing team wants a rematch immediately.  So once you play 10 or so games in a row most of these girls are “bombed”or in other words mission accomplished.  No one even keeps score, you just kinda keep playing and playing switching people in and out so everyone gets bombed.  And oh yeah for the record, guys should never play flip cup if it’s just guys. Or even mostly guys for that matter.  Any guy that is down to play flip cup when it’s not to get a bunch of girls drunk is one shady motherf*cker.  But anyways thank you girls for playing flip cup, you are the money.

-The phrase “barely legal”, is kinda misleading.  i mean, the girl is either legal or she’s illegal, i don’t find the need to distinguish between the two.  Basically what i’m saying is if i’m a dating a girl who is really young there is no need to tell me she is barely legal, she’s legal and that is all that really matters.  The law is the law, and i’m a law abiding citizen.  Except for maybe some of the stuff i do.  But not the girls i date, it’s totally legal gddamnit!

“Facebook etiquette”- There should be an option on Facebook where it automatically posts “Happy Birthday!” on people’s birthday’s for you, this way you never miss it.  i mean some days you just don’t go on Facebook, like when you’re not at work, on vacation, or have a life.  Should it be my fault that you had a birthday on the day i was at that wedding?  i didn’t even go on Facebook, how else am i gonna know it’s your birthday?  By remembering?  So yeah hook it up Facebook, next time you do one of those God awful “updates” make sure you hook that option up already!  Patent pending…

This is clearly my BEST BLOG EVER.  It only took me a year but i finally think i got the hang of this thing haha.  And i feel like gddamn celebrating!  That’s why next Friday, March 30th i’m throwing a happy hour.  i gots none clue where all you people are from who read this but for those of you in Jersey you’d better come out to celebrate with me!  But yeah next Friday at the Office in Ridgewood, NJ.  Here’s the site:

If you are down to come help me celebrate a year of my blog, or even if you just want to go to a place for happy hour and could care less about me.  Either way i hope you can all make it out to The Office in Ridgewood, NJ for the money time next Friday! 

One year in the books kids, let’s see how long we can keep this money train going.  Have a great weekend everyone and i will see you on Tuesday!  And oh yeah if you haven’t liked my page on Facebook yet go do it now!

-miguel jo$é


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