Top of the morning to ye on this gray, grizzly afternoon. Kent O’Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit Irish! Except, of course, for the Gays and the Italians.

16 Mar

What is up kids?

Sooooooo i got a little bit to talk about i guess.  First thing, i had a million different ideas on what to use for my first picture on my St Patty’s day blog.  Obviously “Leprechaun in the Hood” is the winner but i’m gonna use some of my other choices throughout the blog because they are also money.  But i’ll be honest, in my head i was like if i don’t use the “Leprechaun in the Hood” movie poster to start off this St Patty’s day weekend right Jewel is gonna be straight HEATED at me so i felt like i had to do it..  “I’m still mad fool, you should have used “Leprechaun Back 2 Tha Hood” son. WHOOPS!”

Alright guy you got me.  Even trying my hardest not to blow it i still blew it.  Oh well, i have a habit of that lately i guess.  But anyways here ya go Jewell…

Alright enough of that.  Secondly, sorry about being oot on Tuesday.  But holy S balls kids i got real sick Saturday morning out of nowhere and was literally in bed a useless disaster until Monday morning when i somehow went into work like an ahole.  Then i left early and went to bed and by Tuesday i was kinda better but yeah i got none writing done and i didn’t want to even try to half ass a blog.  So my bad, my following isn’t hugemongous by any means but any time i skip a blog i can truly feel the love and i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it.  Well mostly love, Stef always threatens to kill me when i can’t put a new one up.  But she means it lovingly when she says she will murder me! 🙂

And finally, i know i said today would be part two of my Heartbreak trilogy.  But it’s gddamn St Patty’s day weekend!  Everyone’s fired up to eat corned beef and start drinking at 8 am on a Saturday and throwing up by noon… but this time not be judged!  So i don’t want to bring anyone down with my emotional garbage today.  Next week when it’s the first day of Spring and the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming as the season of love is upon us, that is when i’ll slit my wrists and let all the pain and anguish i had over my first love pour all over my keyboard and onto my blog where i remind all of you just how painful high school was.  Or if you are my next girlfriend, is.

But yeah getting back to it i do love me some St Patty’s day!  Um, boozin all gddamn day with hot drunken young bitches wearing tight green shirts with “Kiss me!” buttons on their nipples?  Yes please! i am gddamn in!  “Holy s dude where the hell do you hang out on St Patty’s day?”  Alright Literal Larry, it’s not EXACTLY like that.  But it’s not far off either!  St Patty’s day is the perfect blend of real partiers being drunken disasters.  If New Year’s Eve is for the amateurs then St Patty’s day is for the Professionals.  Don’t get me wrong, the “kids’ come out on St Patty’s day too.  But they booze too hard too fast and end up taking the bus home from the city at 6 pm that one year all by myself and i broke my gddamn glasses at the bar and was probably in bed at like 8:30 when this girl i dug text me “come to this bar that is 5 blocks from you!” and i passed out because i’m apparently a little girl and my vagina hurt and i don’t like getting ass and i’m old.  But give me a break!  i’m not Irish, i just blew it.  And for real i’m always money on my own holiday “Cinco de miguel!”  Well not the time i got kicked out of that Chilli’s.  Or was it two Chilli’s?

So there are a few rules out there on St. Patty’s day.  Number one, Wear Gddamn Green!  i cannot stress this enough, it doesn’t matter if you’re black, Puerto Rican or Haitian.  You need to wear green and honestly, wear as much green as possible.  You just look like an ahole if you’re not wearing green, like the jerk off who goes to a Halloween party without wearing a costume because he doesn’t want to look “stupid”.  Although he’s such a dumbass he doesn’t realize it is NOT wearing the costume that makes him look a f*cking idiot and makes him stand out even more.  Also, if you are in Hoboken for the Parade DO NOT CARRY OPEN CONTAINERS AROUND.  Those cops will catch you every time and that up to $2000 fine seems a little bit more then your $2 Bud Light 40.  So don’t be an ahole.  In fact, if you are going to Hoboken i guess you’re only choices are overcrowded bars where you can’t get drunk because it’s impossible to get to the bar.  And that’s if you’re lucky enough to get in, otherwise you wait in line 3 hours to then get in and then do the above.  Or you could go to a house party and wait until it gets busted up for no reason and then go to your other friends place and then drink and repeat.

Alright so none of that sounded that great.  But never forget the real reason all these guys go out and do this stuff is because we love those hot drunken young bitches wearing tight green shirts with “Kiss me!” buttons on their nipples!  And i know most of you will say i’m crazy, but if you think about what i say next you should at least be able to admit i make a fantastic point.  The Hoboken parade is the BEST collection of the finest girls that NJ has to offer.  NO F’n Joke.  Some of you may think that the hottest girls are in parts of Jersey Shore during the Summer, and for real it’s hard to argue that point with some of the bikini’s and outfits those girls wear.  But any guy walking around Hoboken on the day of the parade is always thinking the same thing, “i have never seen so many hot girls in Jersey in my LIFE”.  The hottest of the hot come to Hoboken my friends, for f’n real.  And they are all totally wasted, it is ridiculous and it’s a beautiful thing.  And some of you may be asking if i love it so much how good was it this year?  And to those people i say you are a moron because i just said i was sick on Saturday and that’s when Hoboken St Patty’s day was so for real why don’t you actually start paying attention to things and stop being such a bag of douche.  And oh yeah, Happy St Patty’s Day Weekend everyone!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-It f’n sucks being sick in general but it sucks even hairier donkey balls when it’s nice out.  Nothing like your head being dizzy and weighing a 100 pounds and your stomach being in knots as you struggle going between being so f’n incredibly hot to so f’n f*cking freezing every other minute.  And you do all of this on a Saturday and Sunday as the sun tries to pour through your blinds in your room as you do whatever you can to keep passing out every few hours.  Also, when the weather is nice out it’s hard to eat a hot bowl of gddamn soup i’ll tell you that much. And oh yeah, if you finally get enough strength to go to the store and pick up that soup which i will tell you now is an AWFUL idea because that store is filled with a million jerkoffs and you may feel a little better in your room but once you are trying to park in that lot full of maniacs you will regret your decision HEAVILY.  But anyways when you get that soup and steal that cold medicine make sure you don’t forget crackers!!!!  Because everyone knows that soup without crackers tastes like hairy donkey balls.  Gddamnit i need to learn more adjectives and learn what adverbs are and just become a better writer in general.

-Watching people order donuts is f*cking INFURIATING.  “Umm, i want, ummmm 2 chocolate, no wait…. 3 Chocolate.  And uhhhhhhhhh wait i mean no Chocolate.  And ok one Boston Creme (And only MORONS order one Boston Creme.  It’s the gddamn best donut!  you should order 4 minimum.  Go ahead and test me, i guarantee if you buy a dozen donuts and 4 Boston Creme they will all be gone.  Or if they are not you work with morons) And oh yeah i want 3 pink sprinkly ones.  How many do i have left?  Okay and 4 bagels… wait, what? What do you mean bagels don’t count???”  So yeah all that’s going on while i sit there and just wait to get my medium turbo hot with cream and sugar to get me through the second half of my gddman work day.  And for some reason i hate and want to kill everybody i see, i just have no idea why!  Well kill everyone except for maybe my boy Jay John.  Oh speaking of him he dropped a money line the other day, i wanted to use it in my blog.

“What is she 19?  i’d buy her alcohol”.  JJ talking about Kate Upton

Does ANYONE get how into Kate Upton i am?  Really? No one?  Okay fine, i’ll just have to keep trying to prove my point every blog i guess.  

“OLDSCHOOL” NONSENSE- i couldn’t imagine going to the gynecologist.  i mean obviously i don’t have to, i’m saying if i were a girl and all.  i feel like i have enough trouble going to the doctor and doing the whole turn my head and cough business while he holds my balleens.   Actually, do they still do that?  i haven’t gone in forever, mostly for that reason.  Anyways i could barely handle that, if i walked into a room and saw stirrups?  i’d be like LATER DICKS!

Fast Food Tips- In honor of all those stubborn, thick skulled alcoholic Irish, this weekend Burger King is giving away free fries and will have green ketchup on March 17th and 18th!  i’m all about the fries of course but green ketchup?  Does that sound like they are just using a bunch of old ketchup that has turned green and found a way to get rid of it to anyone else?  i will mos definitely hit up the free fries but i will have no problem saying “i’d also like an order of the regular red ketchup please!”

GdDAMN i need to start charging you people for these works of art!  i feel like i’m just getting better and better at this blog nonsense, i guess after over a hundred something blogs and almost a year of…

Holy $hitballs… next Friday will be ONE YEAR from when i started this blog!  So Tuesday’s blog on the first day of Spring will be part two of my Heartbreak trilogy, with the finale being next Friday on the One year Anniversary of when i started this whole f*cking thing!  Didn’t i tell you a few blogs before that these times are gddamn changing? My life is coming full circle right now, from high school to right now.  i know that doesn’t make sense to most of you but what i’m saying is there is a force going on in the universe right now kids, i can feel it.  Too much stuff is a coincidence lately, too many things are happening in my life at once for me to believe this isn’t the start of something big.  It’s happening kids, and while i have no gddamn idea on how to explain it i’ll do my best to write about it blog after blog!  But that next one will be on Tuesday so i will cya then!  – miguel jo$e

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One Response to “Top of the morning to ye on this gray, grizzly afternoon. Kent O’Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit Irish! Except, of course, for the Gays and the Italians.”

  1. Anonymous March 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm #

    obvioulsy my threats are out of love…I'm your #1 fan..it ruins my day if I can't read your blog

    -stef =)

    Like

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