Come gather ’round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown. And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone, if your time to you is worth savin’… Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changin. Bob Dylan

6 Mar

What is up kids?

So i’m not gonna lie, for the most part i write most of my rants either late the night before or early the day of.  The
RANDOM NONSENSE i  always write everyday because let’s be honest, when you come right down to it isn’t that what life is really all about?  Even Dr. Seuss was smart enough to realize that, hence me using his quote to start off my last blog.  Did any of you not just read it but also pay attention to it?  You should have, it was sick.  He summed up everything i write my blog about, the insanity that is our daily lives.  But none of you even remember it, do you??  It’s okay, my memory is God awful too.  i’ll post it again today right before i start my Random Nonsense which i will be honest is fantastic today.

But yeah why did i start off with that quote today?  Because i will tell you kids, life sure has started moving fast for me these days.  i don’t know much about the Mayan calendar but if the goings on in my own life have anything to do with the end of the world that would make a LOT of sense.  Pretty much everything i know and love is different these days or will be different soon.  So yeah if you told me the world was really going to end this year i would believe it.  And not all of these changes are for the bad either, in many ways i guess i saw a lot of this coming.  But knowing that something is coming and being able to deal with it when it comes is unfortunately rarely the same thing.

“Hey miguel, i think you are confusing your “diary” with your blog again!  Unless you always cry and make unfunny jokes in your diary too!”  Thanks jerkface.  One of these days i will learn to stop opening up to you in these rants. Yup one of these days.  Not today of course, but one of these days i will learn things and become much more smarter.  But yeah i can’t imagine i’m boring all of you with this.  i mean, Bob Dylan’s song is one of his most famous of all time, and i’m guessing message must have hit home with at least a few people to become that popular.  “Are you comparing yourself to Bob Dylan?  Because if you don’t count the talent or his incredible writing ability then i totally agree with you!  Although he may have a better voice…”

Wow, it’s so hard to get to my point across when the people that are bored bash me incessantly.  So before it happens again let me just say that although my world is upside down these days i have zero doubts i am going to rise above.  Because i’m the gddamn money, and staying money is just something i happen to do well.  So bring it life, you’re throwing more curveballs then usual but i’m a crafty veteran who’s been saving his best for now so let’s make this push towards this second half of my life and see where this f*cker ends up, shall we? These times may be changing but for once i’m changing with them.  It’s about time i show others i am stronger then they think…

“What the F are you even talking about buddy??”  i’m talking about life in general my friend but i’m done with that now so let’s get to the ha ha’s already…

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” – Dr. Seuss


-i still bite my nails.  Are you suppossed to stop at some age ever?  Probably right? i don’t know, i’m lazy and i don’t care.  And i don’t bite them to the nubs or anything i just trim them $hits perfectly with my teeth.  The only really annoying thing about it is when i spit them on the floor from my bed when i’m real lazy, and then when i get up in the morning and walk in my bare feet i step in them $hits and they poke my feet.  “OMG miguel you are so gross!”  Oh really? Is this really that bad?  Or maybe you’re just shocked to hear real honesty. i’m sure you got your own personal gross habits that you don’t want to share with anyone. So maybe don’t judge me for my own habits, or maybe don’t judge me period motherf*cker!  i’ve got WAY worse stuff i do and i’m sure you do too.  Or is what i just said i do really that gross?  It’s really that gross?  Well okay then.

-How come when you go fishing you have to go SO gddamn early?  Like 5 am and bull$hit like that?    i’d be totally down to go fishing if i didn’t have to wake up so early.  But if my choices are to be on a boat before the sun comes up in the freezing cold, or passed out in my bed totally happy in dreamland i’ll take my bed for $200 Alex! Do fish really not eat all day from 8 am through 5 pm?  For real, these fish are just never hungry or ever want to eat at those times?  i can’t imagine that’s true, like maybe if most fish didn’t want to eat there would still be those fat f*ck fish that are down to eat all the time that you could still catch.  Do you think they have fat fish like we have fat people?  Because if they do have them i bet those obese aholes eat all gddamn day!  But yeah i’m sure there are all sorts of studies or actual facts to back up why i am wrong here but i still think i am right.

“OLDSCHOOL” NONSENSE –  So i think i figured out what the worst smell in the world is. i haven’t run any scientific tests yet but i’m assuming the car that guys get into after hanging out at a new girl’s place has to contain to be the most horrific smell on the planet.  Is that not the worst fellas? She finally falls for your bull$hit, you go on a date and get back to her house, and all you can think of is “why did i eat all that cheese at dinner?”  And then you’re stuck holding in all your farts from the massive dump that is definitely coming later.  And there’s no way you’re going to drop this record breaking deuce at her place which is going to be worse then the levies breaking open at New Orleans.  So your only choice is to hold it in as long as you can, which is basically when you get into your car to go home.  Trust me ladies, if you knew the smell we created on the ride home from your place you would never sleep with us again.

Miguel’s Money Movie Review- Whoo hoo new bit!  But yeah anyways everytime i watch the movie “Braveheart” i feel bad for Jews.  Because “Braveheart” is the f*cking best movie!  Holy $hitballs, besides being one of the greatest love stories ever the battle scenes are still f’ing amazing and the story and music and ending are downright incredible.  But if you’re Jewish i would imagine it’s tough to watch that movie knowing how racist Mel Gibson is and how much he hates Jews.  i mean i feel like if i were Jewish i’d still love the movie.  i mean i’m Mexican and i have to imagine some of the people who make the movies i love must hate Mexicans.  “If by some you mean all of them hate you dirty taco loving beaners!”  Oh yeah, that’s what i meant.  But anyways if i were Jewish i’d still love Braveheart, but my favorite all time movie would be “Inglorious Basterds” by Quentin Tarantino because Jews wreck HOUSE on Nazi’s that whole gddamn movie.  But back to Braveheart whether you’re Jewish or not it’s a fantastic movie and hopefully it’s not ruined for you because Mel Gibson’s a racist maniac.  And if it is well i understand but you’re missing out!

Fast Food Tips- For a limited time only Shamrock Shakes are available at McDonald’s! These minty flavored delights are delicious and are only around when it’s St. Patty’s day so don’t delay and make sure you get one while you can!

Alright i’ll admit that was a pretty weak FFT today so let me throw a real nugget of wisdom at you, literally.  So next time you get super bombed, and then you order McDonald’s late night and pass out in your own disgustingness.  And you wake up the next morning and take your day after drinking all night deuce, if your load happens to be Green do not panic!  i know you see green poop and you want to call the hospital right away but don’t forget you had that Shamrock Shake last night and that is the reason your crap is green.  Probably.  And i know a lot of you think this is disgusting but this tip would have helped me out a LOT Sunday morning when i was calling an ambulance to come get me because i was “ill”.   So if i help out just one person form this then i consider my job done.

That’s it for me kids.  Have all of you realized my blogs are getting better and better?  i sure have.  Speaking of better blogs, this Friday i’m gonna start my first “Trilogy” of blogs.  And by that i mean starting this Friday and then the two Fridays after that i’m going to have one long running theme and see how that goes.  And before you even ask the answer is yes, these blogs will be all about losing my first love.  What the hell is it gonna be about?  So stay tuned for that because trust me it’s a good one.  Probably the most revealing work  i’ve written about myself yet.  And if you hate all that stuff there will still be the regular nonsense to enjoy.  But i’m excited about Friday’s blog and hopefully all of you are as well!

Cya Friday… miguel jo$é

2 Responses to “Come gather ’round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown. And accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone, if your time to you is worth savin’… Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changin. Bob Dylan”

  1. Anonymous March 7, 2012 at 2:23 am #

    A+ -JJ-


  2. Anonymous March 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    omg loved it!

    -stef =)


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