I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen! I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie. You know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. – Vince Vaughn "Swingers"

28 Feb

What is up kids?

Blog 100 something and only my second “Swingers” quote so far.  And i know you picked the “over” on that one Jewell but it looks like you are caught up son!  Whooooops…

So who else drank a ton last night and threw up so much you broke the blood vessels in your face, so once again you’re walking around your work like a blotchy face looking idiot? Was it just me? Oh well, i got to hang with my boy Rob for the first time in a while and that’s just the kind of thing that ends up happening when we get together.  Well that and gay sex.  JUST KIDDING!  The sex isn’t gay, it’s just intense.  Jesus Christ even writing that makes me want to throw up again.  Although speaking of throwing up, during the time i was bombed last night i came inside my house after huking and wrote a paragraph for my blog. i wrote it right after i unleashed all the awfulness from deep inside my stomach all over the yard.  Let’s see what i wrote, shall we?

So i just threw up alllllll over my backyard.  bad.  by my roommates window because why would i do it by my window?  that’s disgusting you ahole.  Anyways it’s 1230 and i’m bobmed and i’m writing this so whatever instead of a story about how i’m throwing up yacking in the morning i’m telling one now while it’s actually happening.  i think i’m done though cause that was a decent amount of throw up in my yard.  But alright i’m going to bed, i think i did a decent amount of spell check and things of that nature because i use a MAC and not too much is in red which means i’m caught but gnite everyone and i’ll cya in the morning when i finish this.

Alright i’m not gonna lie i was kinda hoping that would be funnier.  “That’s how we all feel when we read your blog!” Wow, way to come at me when i’m a hungover disaster.  You’re real tough f*ck face.  Although speaking of being a hungover mess i just had a bacon egg and cheese and i literally think i could have made love to it, that’s how good it tasted.  Like as i tasted the salt and grease and cheese and bacon i felt a rise in my pants that quite possibly could have led to a wet spot on the front of my khakis.   And by quite possibly i mean i need a new pair of pants.  Hangovers are the WORST but the bacon egg and cheese the next day almost makes it worth it.  i don’t even smoke but i could use a cigarette after that sexual experience i just had. 

Alright that’s all i gots.  i’m hungover and work is a disaster so this one’s gonna be short and sweet, just like the free pancakes i’m gonna get at IHOP today.  “Wait, what??? Free pancakes??”  You’d better read my Fast Food tips today!


-Why do blondes always let their hair get darker over the winter?  For real, i don’t care what the temperature outside is.  The blonder you are the hotter you are, it’s a pretty simple rule to follow.  Every girl i know waits until the winter and then they let their hair get darker, and every winter i want to sleep with all of you less and less.  So stop making yourself less hot, stay blonde ladies!  And i mean really blonde, like platinum blonde.  Like Christina Aguilera “Genie in a Bottle” blonde.  And now that i think about it, the only blonde girl i know smart enough to stay blonde over the winter is my friend Jenn V.  And God bless her for that, not only is she super hot she also tries to help get the word out on my blog by posting it on her Facebook page so she’s super blonde, super nice and super hot!  But yeah for real stop letting the weather dictate your hotness ladies.  Stay gold Ponyboy.

“OLDSCHOOL” NONSENSE – i love the idea that i believe the water cup used during beer pong does a thorough job of cleaning the balls. And for once yes, that is what she said.  But it’s funny that a disgusting never changed water cup is thought of as the perfect way to clean off dirt and mud and vomit.  I’d say something about this but it seems as though everyone playing pong is okay with it, so whatever i’m down too. Gotta love that peer pressure.

“Facebook etiquette”- You haven’t officially said “Happy Birthday!” to someone unless you posted it on Facebook.  Forget texts, forget phone calls, forget emails, forget telling me in person.  The only proper way to say Happy Birthday to someone is to post it on Facebook for the entire world to see.  Sorry kids, those are the rules. 

Fast Food Tips- Free pancakes at IHOP today!  None joke kids, you can go to their website if you don’t believe me.  And if you don’t believe me you are a non-trusting ahole cause i never lie!  But yeah today February 28th if you go into IHOP you get a free short stack of pancakes. Guests are asked to consider leaving a donation for Children’s Miracle Network hospitals and other designated local charities, which i guess if you’re a good person you will actually consider that.  But all i’m considering is should i go with the regular maple syrup or should i go strawberry?   Strawberry it is! 

And that’s it for me.  Not my best work but don’t forget its’ quality over quantity.  “Oh yeah, then how come you gave us neither?”  Wow you really are an ahole today.  i’ll see you guys on Friday.  If you’re lucky…
-miguel jo$é

One Response to “I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s *really* hoping makes it happen! I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie. You know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. – Vince Vaughn "Swingers"”

  1. Anonymous February 28, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    $ quote today! Tomorrow buy one get one free big macs and egg mcmuffins for leap year at mcdonalds. -JJ-


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: