If your having girl problems I feel bad for you son, i got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one, HIT ME – Jay-Z "99 Problems"

3 Feb

What is up kids?

That is right son, blog 99 and feeling fine.  “Wow, you’re a poet and you didn’t even realize it!”  Yeah i am, if there’s anything i can say about writing 99 blogs it is that i am a pure poet!  Alright fine who am i kidding.  i use the same gddamn jokes every blog “yeah you do ahole!”, my grammar is awful and my observations are okay at best.  But 99 blogs in and you kids are still following me so i must be doing something right! 

So yeah i guess i should make number 99 a good one but it’s tough because the only thing i’m thinking about is the Superbowl this Sunday.  Gdamnit Giants just f’n do it!  And can it be one of those games where they just dominate and i can just get totally bombed in happiness the entire game instead of sweating it out until the last second?  Can that happen please? It happens for other teams in other sports all the time, all i’m asking is for it to happen this ONE f’n time!   And the next time any of my teams are in the championship game haha.

But yeah between it being Friday and the Giants being in the Superbowl and me wondering what to do for my 100th BLOG i’m all over the place.  And i’m definitely thinking some sort of happy hour/party for 100 but i haven’t figured out anything yet so i’ll let you kids know on Tuesday what the plan is.  i can’t wait to go out and celebrate with all 4 of you who read my S every time!

But yeah none good stories or rant today, although i will say we already promised an Everclear shot when the Giants with this Sunday.  Why do you ask?  Because i’m a gdamn lunatic moron who loves peer pressure and makes horrible decisions in life.  That is why.  So enjoy number 99 cause i think this one is kinda money…


-Why do i hold onto all of my mismatched socks?  Am i the only one who does that?  i have a whole section in my drawer dedicated to socks that i only have one of, and when i actually put thought into that i realize i have no idea why.  Do i really think i’m finally going to find the matching sock after a year of not seeing it?  Where would it have been hiding that all of a sudden i’m going to find it?  And who cares?  Socks aren’t that expensive, i only need to buy like a pack of 6 or so every once in while to keep me going.  And every once in a while i’ll have to wear them, like when i haven’t done laundry in 2 weeks and that’s all i have left so i have to put on one white and one black sock to work and hope no one notices today.  But yeah i really don’t get why i hold onto these socks for so long.  Maybe that’s just my level of hoarding, i don’t hoard pets or garbage or anything like that i just hoard single socks in my drawer.  i guess as far as addictions go mine could be worse…

-Do you ever see a fat person jogging and your initial reaction is to make a joke or comment.  But then you think, “hey they’re running and i’m not, who’s the fat ass now?”  And then you just go back to finishing your Italian combo with oil vinegar and mayo and then start in on your your Rocky Road ice cream?  Or was that just me who did that yesterday?  Just me?  Well okay then.

-Does anyone ever check the signature on the back of your debit or credit card when you use it?  i feel like they never do for me which is good because i don’t always have the same signature.  Is anyone else like this?  i have pretty messy handwriting too,  sometimes it’s okay and sometimes it’s God awful.  But it is not crazy at all to think that i can write my signature twice in a row and they won’t look the same.  Plus it depends on the pen! For some reason my handwriting is better with some pens then others, i don’t get the rhyme or reason but it’s true.  But i also don’t think it’s my fault, i think they should teach that better in schools.  i mean yeah we had handwriting class and of course i did bad in that but the teacher should be like “alright you little f*ckers i know most of you have awful handwriting but you’d better learn to write your name the same way every gddamn time!”  Alright fine they probably couldn’t have said it exactly like that but something to that effect. 

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. THIS IS REAL LIFE: -Mitt Romney, the front runner for the GOP and likely Republican presidential candidate to go up against Obama said in an interview this week that “i’m not concerned about the very poor, we have a safety net there.”  Um, wait… What?  You literally just admitted you are not concerned about the very poor?  i’m not making this up kids, and i’m not taking it out of context.  Go look up the interview yourself.  He says it, the lady interviewing him actually repeats it and says do you realize what you just said and he doesn’t back down from it.  i mean yeah we all know Republicans don’t care about the very poor, or middle class for that matter.  But to actually just say it in an interview while you’re running for President?  Way to go deek.  And yes, that actually happened in real life. 

Fast food tips- So Papa John’s pizza pretty much sucks balls.  But if you sign up for their rewards program this weekend and if the coin toss at the Superbowl comes up “Heads” you get a free 1-topping large pizza and a 2 liter of Pepsi.  And hey it may be $hitty pizza but it’s free $hitty pizza!  And i treat my coin tosses the way i treat my women, give me head!  And yes i think there is a funnier or wittier way to make that joke funny but give me a break i just did 99 blogs and i’m exhausted…

That’s it for me today kids.  i hope everyone enjoys the Superbowl this weekend and i hope when i’m writing blog #100 i do it as i’m celebrating a Giants victory!  i’m normally not a praying man but if you’re up there please, save me Superman!

Cya at blog 100… miguel jo$é


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