To the most beautiful moment in life. Better than the deed, better than the memory. The moment… of anticipation! Jacques- The Simpsons

31 Jan

What is up kids?

“I’ll tell you what’s up, this rant better not get into such personal detail as your last one!  The “dicking” feeling, grow up guy!”

Wow, don’t get personal with you kids anymore.  Got it.  i thought it was funny. And if nothing else that entire story was true gddamn it!  Although i wish i had a good story for today because i feel like i got nothing.  But this time it’s not because i’m a lazy piece of $hit for once, it’s more because i’ve been sick since last Thursday and i’m only finally starting to get over it.  “Whoo hoo my tummy hurts!  All that sand in my vagina is causing me a headache!”  Yeah? Go after me while i’m sick?  That’s cool i guess….

Isn’t being sick the most annoying thing in the world?  We truly take for granted our health because i spend most days laying in my bed watching t.v. eating soup even when i’m not sick, but when you’re actually sick i guess you kinda have to i guess.  Which isn’t really the worst thing in the world, but when you have to keep a garbage can next to your bed so you can throw out your tissues while you keep blowing your nose constantly and spitting up this greenish grayish phlegm while your head feels like a million pounds and your throat is sore as $hit.  And it’s not life threatening or anything it’s just super annoying and just pretty gay.  Don’t you feel that way?  Just like, “Great i’m sick.  Der.  This is gay”.  That’s how i feel about getting sick.

And the worst is sometimes you get to just stay home or stay in bed but you can’t do ANYTHING.  It’d be one thing if i was sick but i could clean the house or do some laundry or write my blog, but instead i’m in bed and there is NOTHING on t.v. And then i try to think of a movie to put on and it takes me forever to pick one and then i put one on and i lose interest like halfway into it and i’m kinda hungry but i don’t to eat soup and all of this cold medicine tastes like ass…

Speaking of medicine, how is it possible that there is NO medicine that tastes good?  If something is cherry flavored it tastes like a combination of awful cherry and my ass after i try out these new items in my Fast Food Tips.  Don’t you ever wonder about things like that?  Like how come medicine always involves a painful shot or disgusting pill or bad tasting powder drink you have to take?  Like how come birth control couldn’t be eating a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream each month?  Or instead of Advil you had to eat bacon to cure headaches?  Like how is possible everything in life works out that it’s never like that?

Alright i’m on like 5 different things of cold/flu medicine at the moment so i’m a little out of my mind at the moment and seriously doubt i’m making sense. The point of all of this is i am finally starting to feel better and i got through my rant.  Happy day!  And on to the nonsense…

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Do you get embarrassed when you use Coinstar?  i do, a little bit at least.  i mean obviously if you are dipping into your coin situation you must be getting close to rock bottom.  And it’s even extra embarrassing for me because i have this old Stone Cold Steve Austin coin bank that i still use for whatever reason so i’m always walking into a bank midday at lunch or something while real people are doing real transactions.  “I”d like to get a new mortgage for my home please!”  “Can you please help me finance my new car?”  Then there’s me in the corner pouring in all my change “CLANK CLANK CLANK CL CL CL CLANKENTY CLANK!”  And i always try to play it off like, “um, this is for my little brother!” And someone always goes “We know your little brother Tomas, he’s married and 3 years younger then you! You should have lied and said your nephew!”  And i’m like “That’s what i meant, it’s for my…” “We’re not buying it ahole!”  And then i go home with the $27 i made from the coin star this weekend.  At least i can buy a nice lunch!  Thanks Coin Star!

-i never honk my car horn at anyone.  Not because i don’t get angry when i’m driving.  Trust me, when i do finally get arrested it will definitely be for murder and it will definitely be when i jump out of my car and strangle some motherf*cker.  And it’s crazy because some of my friends are MANIACS with the horn.  They just non stop hit their horn all day with the HONK HONK HONK HO HO HONKETY HONK!  Do you dig the sound effects this blog?  Anyways when i was growing up the car that i had’s horn didn’t work so i just got used to never using it.  So now i’m older and i never honk my horn, which is annoying because sometimes i should but i always forget cause i never do it and then i regret it later.  i wouldn’t say all my bits in Random Nonsense are gems but i will say this one clearly isn’t.  But i thought it would be funny when i started writing it and now we’re here so what can you do.

Fast food tips- Free onion rings at Burger King on 2/4 and 2/5 which is this weekend.  Wow, first free fries now free rings?  For the entire weekend?  Way to go a$$holes, i’m a big fan.  McDonalds is throwing out these awful new chicken bites and you’re hooking up new fries and now free onion rings.  Plus the Whopper is better then the Big Mac.  Well played BK, once you hook up some rolo mcflurries you will truly be the king!

“Facebook etiquette”- in case you were wondering what the #1 song when i was born was since i haven’t posted it on Facebook yet i’ll tell you now.  It was “Who gives a $hit?” by the Blow Me’s.  i’m not gonna post in on my Facebook page like every other gddamn person on the planet.  But since i know you are all SO gddamn f’n interested i figured i could at least be nice enough to let you know.  You’re welcome.

That’s it for me kids, i hope everyone’s day isn’t too awful.  i’ll be back on Friday as always so have a good week, get into some adventures, make some love whenever possible and i’ll cya Friday!

-miguel jo$e

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One Response to “To the most beautiful moment in life. Better than the deed, better than the memory. The moment… of anticipation! Jacques- The Simpsons”

  1. Anonymous January 31, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    Thanks for the description of your phlegm…that's exactly what I want to picture while I'm trying to eat my lunch!

    legit laughed out loud at certain parts and had to pretend to cough to cover it up cause my co-worker looked at me like I was crazy…

    Stef =)

    Like

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