Let’s take my body and we’ll cover it with honey, Stick some money to the honey, Now i’m covered in Money honey… Flight of the ConChords "Told you i was Freaky"

9 Jan

It’s 2012 and i wanted to start off the year right with the money quote.  And what’s more money then the Flight of the Conchords dropping “money” in a money song?  Nothing, that’s right.  We are starting 2012 right mo’fos!

Or maybe not.  Jebus Christmas, no blog for a week??  What the f*ck bro?  Come at me bro!  Did all of you know Jersey Shore is back on T.V.? i have a FULL REFUSAL to watch on my part.  And yes i know i should have done that off the bat but season one was kinda funny i won’t front.  Dumb Italian meatheads being meatheads?  It was hilarious and a very accurate portrayal of Italians in America.  After season one though it just became GARBAGE…

Wow, a week off and i’m talking Jersey Shore first thing in the New Year.  i am so 2000 and late.  But anyways… how is everyone doing in Dos Doce?  i gotta say i’m having the money year so far, a few downs but mostly ups so i’ll take it.  And the G-Men still in the playoffs??  Let’s Go Giants!!!! Suck it Atlanta, your a soft team with a soft QB who can’t hang with Big Blue.  Our defense completely shut out their offense and now it’s on to Green Bay where a huge battle is looming.  Last time we played Green Bay we lost at home even though you couldn’t tell that by the amount of calls going against the Giants.  If the Giants play the way they did yesterday and if the refs can try and call at least one penalty against their darling Packers i think we got a legit shot.  Hopefully the Packers will be my first LATER DICKS! of 2012!

But yeah i had a rough week last week, holy $hitballs.  i wont’ get into it cause no one wants to hear me bitch first blog of the year but gdDAMN my job sucks my smooth and from what i’ve been told delicious balleens right now.  That description may have been unnecessary but it was apt i will tell you that much. But yeah long story short my job is murderous right now and if you hear a news story about a handsome smooth balled Mexican who took a shotgun to his dome as he drove off a cliff you will understand why.

But yeah enough of last week’s nonsense.  I’m back and better then ever so i hope you’re all ready for a brand new year of fantastic blogs!  And what better way to kick it off then by going oldschool with a blog today, Wednesday and Friday like i did when i started.  So after slacking like crazy i’m gonna hit you up with 3 motherf’n blogs!  Can life get any better?  Yes, yes it can.

And i’ll give you this is amateur hour junior Speegs.  i expect better from my protege.  You’re better then that kid. This is the kind of garbage i expect from that older brother of yours who hangs out annually at this point.  i’m almost afraid to see him soon because i know if i do the next time i’ll see him will be in 2013. But yeah after that Facebook call out i expect the MONEY showing from you at Happy Hour this Friday…


The Money $hot-out of the Week- So if there was one person you definitely missed me when i was gone last week it was Stefanie “Slamdunk” Williams who i must say is one of my all-time favorite readers of my blog. “You mean out of the 4 people that read it? Wow, that is quite an honor!”  Shut up jerkface! Don’t ruin this nice sentiment i’m about to drop!  Anyways, Stefanie counts on  me to make her lunch time a little better and i could not have possibly blown it anymore last week.  So i am hoping three blogs in one week will make up for it at least a little bit!  And when i get famous and rich she’s the only one i’m taking with me because she is the only one who missed me gddamnit! Plus she actually knew what i was talking about when i did my bit about the credits at the end of a movie on TBS or TNT or whatever.  i was pretty positive no one would but of course she did because she’s the $.  So i hope you appreciate being the first shout out of Dos Doce Stef and i hope you can forgive me for being such a lazy basterd! 🙂

Fast food tips- Have you ever ordered a “Chunky Loaded Pizza” from Pizza Hut?  No you haven’t you lying basterd, the only place you can order that is in Malaysia.  Which is a shame because when you hear what’s in it you will wish you could order it in the U.S. and A today.

We’ve seen deep dish pizzas that test the limits of how thick pizza can get, but this offering from Pizza Hut Malaysia may very well cross the line into casserole territory. The “pizza” has 10 layers, including two layers of roasted vegetables, a layer of meat (your choice of chicken sausage, salami chicken, chicken loaf or beef cabanossi, a type of sausage) and a topping of 
mozzarella cheese and tortilla strips. This thing looks like you’d need a salad spoon to eat it.

Now that’s what i’M talking about Malaysia!  i dont know much or anything about your culture but your choice in Fast Food pizza is a thing of beauty!

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. THIS IS REAL LIFE:  “Whoo hoo new column!! Yeah i got some surprises in store for 2012.  Alright fine i mean “surprise”, singular.  And this new column is it.  Anyways awhile back i wrote an email to Anheuser-Busch saying i was very disappointed that they raised the price on my Natty Light 30 pack $1 from $13.99 to $14.99 at my local Shop-rite liquors.  And yes i was drunk when i wrote it and no, i’m not kidding about this at all.  i wrote how Natty light is my favorite beer but even this slight dollar increase can be very hurtful in these trying economic times…

But apparently someone did read it and apparently they wrote me back.  And this is what they said.

Dear Miguel,
Thank you for taking the time to write and share your concerns about our pricing.  We also thank you for making Natural Light your brand of choice.
We are working hard to remain your #1 brand choice – and that means brewing the highest quality beer possible, using only the finest ingredients.  As part of our effort to continue bringing you the most consistent, highest quality Natural Light you deserve and expect, we discovered that a price increase was necessary.  You have our commitment that we will continue to maintain efficiencies as the world’s largest brewer, while doing our best to control rising costs so that you will continue to receive high-quality Natty Light at a fair price. 
We appreciate your loyalty to Natural Light and certainly hope we can count on your business in the future.  Should you have any additional questions, please feel free to call or write us back.
Your Friend at Anheuser-Busch

Um, that actually happened.  In real life.

“Facebook etiquette”- Is the point of the new “Timeline” feature on Facebook so that I can now look back and see how much weight i’ve gained over the years?  Because if it is then well done Zuckerberg.  “Oh look, me in 2007 when i still fit into my favorite shirt.  So i was handsome and skinny at one point, thank-you timeline!”   

MAN that was worth the wait!  Or it wasn’t and eat me.  But i hope you enjoyed the first blog of Dos Doce kids, next one will be coming at you this WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 11th in the second part of my new years trilogy.  It’s almost as good as the Lord of the Rings trilogy just with way  more sex.  “OMG nothing will ever beat the Lord of Rings trilogy!”  Relax Keller, don’t get your wizard hat all in a frenzy.  God that girl loves Lord of the Rings.

And real quick, a special thank you to Alicia who was nice enough to drop me off and pick me up from the Giants game since none of my friends who were going cared how i got there except for Dave.  All my friends are Jersey shore meatheads who are so busy GTL’ing they didn’t think to ask if i needed a ride… as they pulled up to my house to pick up everyone to go to the game.  Luckily for me Alicia is the money and i got to the tailgate early instead of arriving hours late because of the stupid train.  And hey Metlife stadium, enough with these dumbass parking passes, charge a price and let me park my car and tailgate you aholes!  But yeah thanks Alicia 🙂

See you kids Wednesday!!! – miguel jo$é

2 Responses to “Let’s take my body and we’ll cover it with honey, Stick some money to the honey, Now i’m covered in Money honey… Flight of the ConChords "Told you i was Freaky"”

  1. Anonymous January 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm #



  2. Anonymous January 10, 2012 at 2:14 am #

    Oh my god…laughed so hard while reading this at lunch. And I'm so honored to be the first shot-out..and that when you become famous you're taking me with you 🙂

    Stef 🙂


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