Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.’- Michael Scott

23 Dec
What is up kids?
It’s almost that time!  That special time of year where we all stop everything we’re doing just to take time and celebrate what this holiday is really all about.  And that of course, is the birth of Santa Claus.  Which i always found odd, because out of all days why would Santa want to do all his work on his birthday?  i know i always take off from work on my birthday, in addition to ending up a drunk disaster somewhere.  Probably on all fours vomiting into the shower drain as i wonder at what age will i finally grow out of this. But no, that is just how good a person Santa is.  It’s his birthday yet he chooses that day to spread joy to the world with presents, which is why i truly think it’s important that we take time on Christmas to not only enjoy time with our family and love ones, but to never forget what the holiday is all about, which is the birth of Santa.
Man i love that bit… how’s everyone doing today?  i don’t know who celebrates what so i’ll just say Merry Everything!  “OMG miguel just say “Merry Christmas!”  Don’t be a part of that group that is trying to destroy Christmas!”
First of all, if you’re one of those people that actually believe that, that actually believe there is an attempt by certain groups to “destroy” Christmas, you are a moron.  And you need to f’n relax.  Yeah maybe they can’t do “Christmas” plays in school now and there are certain “politically correct” things that go on where people aren’t allowed to say or celebrate Christmas for certain things. 
But when you think about it, it kinda makes sense.  i mean, not everyone celebrates Christmas.  Yeah i know, it’s SHOCKING.  Almost as shocking as to know not everyone believes in God.  Or maybe believes in a different God.  And because of these differences maybe it’s a good thing we don’t push certain beliefs on people who don’t share them. Sounds fair to me. Plus i think these same people that think it is an OUTRAGE that you can’t celebrate Christmas at school or work or whatever, i have a feeling these are the same people that are OUTRAGED when Muslims want to build a mosque somewhere, or if their children were forced to do a Hanukkah play at school.  These people would be the first ones to complain about it.  Because for some reason celebrating holidays and religion is only okay when it’s THEIR religion, God forbid if people have thoughts on their own about the subject!
Haha alright, i guess there’s no need to get too preachy on my “X-mas Spectacular blog”!  “OMG miguel don’t say “X”mas! put the “Christ” back in “Christmas!”  See how touchy these people are?  But yeah even with all the crazies i will say i do dig Christmas. Even though it’s a big money wasting scam where people spend money they don’t have on things people don’t want.  And there is ALWAYS that one person you don’t figure into your budget and then you’re in a mad scramble to get something.  Like for example, say your older sister and niece and nephew live in Massachusetts but then you find out 3 days before that they will be coming home for Christmas but just for Friday and Saturday to do presents.  And of course they weren’t factored into a Christmas budget because the earliest you expected to see them was 2012, but now you get to spend your lunch running to the mall which i’m sure won’t be a nightmare and i hope you and your kids love gift cards because that is all your getting! 
So yeah Merry Christmas everyone! And happy Hanukkah too!  i honestly have no idea what Kwanza is so unless someone explains it to me i won’t wish a happy that.  And if you believe in nothing at all well happy December 25th you no faith having Godless heathen!  And oh yeah jingle these bells!
Christmas NONSENSE

-i’m a HUGE fan of egg nog.  i mean i love eggs in general but apparently i love them even in “nog” form.  And i always drink it around Christmas but it makes me wonder, why do i only enjoy egg nog on the holidays?  It’s a fantastic beverage, and from what i can tell it is available all year long. But for some reason i will only go out and buy it around Christmas time.  Why do i do that to myself? It’s the same as deviled eggs, for some reason i really only eat those around Easter or other holidays.  i mean yeah some people will make them randomly throughout the year but for the most part i have egg nog on Christmas and deviled eggs on Easter.  Two delicious egg treats that are easy to make yet i only enjoy them semi-annually.  It’s such a shame.  In fact, that’s gonna be my new years resolution for 2012, more gddamn nog!
-i can NOT wrap presents.  i just can’t do it.  i mean i can do it but i end up using about two rolls of wrapping paper and 4 rolls of scotch tape per present.  i just don’t get how to do it and i don’t care.  i’m awful in math and geometry and algebra and i think you need to be good at all three to wrap presents.  i can get like one side to look good, maybe two i guess.  But anything more then that is a crumpled up mess covered in tape.  And when i don’t use the right amount i’ll just cut out the size paper i need and tape over whatever’s showing.  And really, who f’n cares???  It’s just gonna get ripped apart anyway, does it really matter how it looks?  Thank God for gift bags, because that has solved a LOT of problems.  And maybe i use gift bags because i’m going “green” and i’m trying to save the planet, had that thought ever occurred to you??? Well it shouldn’t have because i’m lying and there is no chance that is the reason i use gift bags.  So when you get a gift from me and it looks like a monkey with down syndrome wrapped your present trust me you are not that far off.
-How come the people who ring you up at the register at stores ask you SO MANY F’N QUESTIONS??!  “What’s your zip code? What’s your phone number? Would you like to join our club?  What’s your email?  Do you want to be on our mailing list?  Do you want to receive offers by email or phone?  Did you know you can save 20% if you become a special awards member?  Would you like to…”  Hey lady, i’m buying a “Claires” gift card for my 13 year old niece, does it look i want to join your stupid club?  And are you asking for my phone number and address because you want to report a shady older hispanic guy who’s been walking around this tween store for the past 20 minutes like an a$$hole because he has NO clue what his niece wants?  Because if that’s why you’re asking that would make sense. Otherwise no, i will not give you any of that personal information.  Although if you MUST have some of my personal info i left you a sperm sample over in the corner by that Selena Gomez section…
-i love the movie “Elf” and i think it’s the best Christmas movie by far.  But i’m getting sick of people who tell me they love Elf and quote that movie NON f’n STOP.  Enough already, i get that smiling is your favorite.  And i get that you’re in a store and you’re siiiiinggginnnng.  And i get because i’m in a bad mood that i must be a south pole elf.  i get ALL of that, because i’ve seen the movie.  And i know it’s great, and i know it’s funny, and i love Will Ferrel and the only thing that ruins this movie for me is you awful people.  So cut it out already! 
Alright that’s it for me kids today kids.  i’m still at work right now but it isn’t horrific.  This place reminds me of Santas workshop except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me…
But i hope everyone has a fantastic holiday and gets everything they want.  If you’re smart like me you’ll only want one thing, and if you get it your Christmas will already be all set.  Kinda like how Leesh bought me that Ipod dock i wanted so now i know it’s already the best Christmas ever!  Good luck competing with that my family!  And speaking of them even though my sister is making a “surprise” visit and draining what is left from my bank account it will be great to see them and it makes my holiday that much better ! 🙂
But thanks to Stefanie for missing me yesterday.  Did anyone else realize i said i’d do a special Thursday blog but didn’t put it up until today?  Of course you didn’t, she was the only one because she is the money.  And she knows how awful tax season is so she can truly appreciate my pain and horror at this time of year haha.
And no Albin, i am not mentioning whatever hockey game you are talking about…
Oh and real quick for John..
Fast food tips – There is the 1/4-pound Single, 1/2-pound Double and 3/4-pound Triple all made the menu, but what if you want four patties? Wendy’s trademark burgers are in the shape of a square. Makes sense to honor the quad, right? Now, you’ll know how to order it by name: Just ask for a “Grand Slam.” Now as far as a Quad Baconator this is another item not on the menu but yes if you ask for it they will make it.  And to save time they just serve it to you on the toilet bowl since that is where you will be spending the rest of your night anyway.  And not to be outdone, people have combined the BKQuad Stacker from Burger King and the Quad Baconator into one sandwich!  i think the name of it is the Quad Stacker Baconator although the original name for it was called the “Diarrhea Delight”…

 

Alright before i start getting too cheesy and put the “gay” in don me now our gay apparel i’ll shut my trap. 

Merry Christmas kids!  – miguel jo$é

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2 Responses to “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.’- Michael Scott”

  1. Andrea December 24, 2011 at 1:16 am #

    For your holiday enjoyment: http://teamcoco.com/video/human-centipede-menorah

    Like

  2. shannon December 31, 2011 at 1:38 am #

    Christmas Nonsense = A+

    Like

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