All in all you’re just another brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd "Another Brick in the Wall"

18 Nov

What is up kids?

First things first… ma and possibly Rach you might want to think about skipping this blog.  Just a heads up, you’ve been warned…

“Oh God, this better not be another blog with this guy whining and crying about everything again.  Your profile says you’re an older Hispanic guy but when i come to this site i feel like it was written by a teenage girl…”

Nope, none crying today kids.  In fact i kinda expect to make some other people shed tears on this one, mostly from laughter and shame.  Although now that you mentioned teenage girls…

i think by now i’ve made it pretty obvious that i’m into younger girls.  Not Penn State young, just definitely younger then me.  i mean for real i’m not into illegal girls, just ones that look like they are…

Alright enough of that.  But if i had to put an age limit on girls that i would realistically date i would say the absolute youngest girl i would date would be 21, or at least 20 with a fantastic fake i.d.  Alright fine 19 but she has to have SUPER huge cans… Alright last one, 18 but she has to be REALLY easy…

17 and super drunk? 16 if i know she’ll keep quiet?  15 if it’s another country??

i’ll say it now this is my best blog EVER.

But anyways c’mon,  i don’t like em that young.  i actually think 18 might be too young for me these days. What can i say? i’ve growns up.  But if i have to be honest i will say i think 23 is the perfect age, because this allows her to enjoy one more birthday before she hits the “Wall”.  Oh wait, there are some of you don’t know what the “Wall” is?  i guess i should probably explain my theory then…
Although to be fair, this is more of a law then a theory.  Because the facts behind it are 100% proven.  And before some of you older gals get mad at me, PLEASE do not forget that this is not necessarily my rules, they are God’s.  They don’t call it the “divine plan” for nothing.  Because for real there is nothing more divine then a girl who hasn’t hit the “Wall” yet.  But again, i haven’t explained it so let me get to it already!
The age that girls hit the “Wall” is 25.  What does that mean “hit the wall”?  Well it’s basically saying that as far as a girl’s looks are concerned they are at their best when she is 24.  So basically she “peaks” as 24 and then at 25 she hits the “Wall”.  Now this is where all the ladies get mad.  “I”m over 25 and i still look good! Are you saying i’m not hot because i’m over 25!  i hate you!  DIE YOU MEXICAN AHOLE!!”  Relax sweethearts, that is not what i’m saying. OBVIOUSLY there are plenty of women over 25 that i find attractive.  Hell, there are girls up to and including 28 that i still find hot!
Maybe it would just be easier if i showed you, because some of you are dumb and can only understand pictures.
A good example to use is Britney Spears.  Remember how hot she was when she first came out??!!  Here is a picture of a young, pre-wall Britney Spears…

BooooooWHIP! That’s the sound my penis makes when i look at that picture.  And how could it not?  i mean look at baby girl Britney Spears “pre-wall”.  Young, fresh, tight…guys would give ANYTHING to be with her. She was the hottest thing on the planet at one point!  But unfortunately as with all women, age can be a REAL bitch. Because that was then and this now, and now that she has hit the “Wall” and is over 25 and has a few kids…


EESH.  i had to go back and double check to make sure that wasn’t a picture of me in a bikini.  Nope, it’s “Post Wall” Britney Spears.  Are you getting my point now?  Obviously everyone knows that women get older and less attractive, i’m just the one smart enough to realize this process truly starts at age of 24.  This is why i will never, EVER, date a girl who is 25 or older.  Ugh just thinking about it makes me want to throw up!
i’m just kidding kids….MAN this is a touchy subject!  But no no, i’m not saying women do not look attractive after 25.   Harrison probably just choked on that quadruple negative in that sentence haha.  But yeah i’m not saying girls can’t look good if they are older then 25, i’m just saying that they probably looked hotter at 24. And am i wrong?  Honestly ladies, do you think you are more attractive then you were at 24?  Sure it’s possible, but be honest with yourself.  i mean youth is the most attractive feature one can have.  i’d rather hook up with a mediocre 23 year old then a hot 28 year old.  Some of you may think that’s crazy but those some of you are women, most of the guys know what i’m talking about.  Except the guys who are into MILF’s… ugh, what is that fetish all about?? Being a mom ruins EVERYTHING!
Speaking of moms, this is the kinda nonsense they believe in….
 
Um… WOW.  Just for the record, it doesn’t matter what age you are.  Once you are a mom you immediately hit the “Wall”.  i don’t care if you’re Hedi Klum or one of those “Teen Mom’s” on MTV, you just can’t be as hot as you were before you had your kid.  You may bounce back but there is none chance you will look as good as you did before you had a child.  But that photo above is definitely what some mom’s believe, and i guess that’s an okay thing, right?  No, it’s not? Again, these aren’t my rules kids, i’m just breaking them down for you.  And yeah mom’s are beautiful when they are pregnant and after they have their child.  Yes i can admit a pregnant woman is a beautiful sight.  And no i’m not kidding, i do really believe that.  But i don’t want beautiful, i want hot.  If i want beautiful i can go look at a sunset, but i’ll tell you right now i’ve never wanted to have sex with a sunset.  So unfortunately, once a woman gets pregnant it is game over.
And i see evidence of my theory everywhere, from movies to television.  Did anyone see “The Office” last Thursday?  If you didn’t see it or don’t know the show, basically a girl in her late 20’s who was about to have her 2nd child asked a very honest guy if he had ever found her attractive.  That’s all the set up you need, the dialogue will explain the rest.
“What about before, was i attractive before? “
 Eh, you were at your most attractive when you were 24, with a slight gradual decline. And a steep drop off when you got pregnant for the first time. A gradual recovery, and well now, obviously, you’re at an all time low.  -Dwight Schrute

And that’s really all you have to look forward too ladies.  Peak at 24 or “Hit the Wall”, slight gradual decline until you get pregnant and your looks significantly drop, you bounce back a little bit but then you get pregnant again and you hit rock bottom.  This explanation sounded like i was copying Dwight almost word for word right?  That’s how dead on his explanation was, and what inspired me to write this blog.  i’ve been making jokes about the “Wall” to my friends for the longest time.  But all my little jokes about it and Dwight explained better then i ever thought i could…

This is easily one of my longest rants ever but it was worth it.  Obviously, all of you reading this didn’t skip one word.  Normally i start talking about sports or my “feelings” and most of you bail on the rant immediately.  “Is he sad and lonely again??? Later dick!  i’m headed to the Random Nonsense.  It’s quick and funny and easy to follow!”

Yeah you guys do love that S.  So i’ll get to it now i guess.

RANDOM NONSENSE


-Why, on God’s green Earth, do people who walk onto a bus or a train always have to come in and sit right next to YOU??  It doesn’t matter if it’s the only seat left or if you’re the only person on the bus, people always have to come by and sit RIGHT next to you.  And i say “people”, when i really mean weirdos and creepos. Who smell HORRIBLE.  And are always fat! And they are usually coughing or doing something else horrific.  Why do these f’n people come sit next to me?!?!  What vibe could i possibly be giving that makes you think i want your disgusting sweaty ass next to me???  Well i apologize for the confusion but please get the F away from me you repulsive monster, i’d honestly rather this was the bus from “Speed” but instead of making that big jump we all died in a horrible crash which would be better then spending another second next to you on this bus.

That one was for Kimmie and Lauren who LOVE sitting next to people on buses and trains 🙂

-What is Google plus?  For real, what the f*ck is Google plus?  Another Twitter/Fb crossbreed social network thing that… Actually, wait.  i don’t care.  i don’t f*cking care.  Does that mean i’m getting old?  i don’t care, f*ck Google plus.  F*ck it right in the A.  Google plus can go twitter my balls.

-Bitches love Red Bull.  For real, you cannot hang out with a girl past 1 pm without her pounding a can or two of that garbage.  Personally i think it tastes like medicine and death but i see girls drinking that S all the time.  i guess the sugar free one doesn’t make me want to murder my taste buds but it still is only slightly better then awful.  They just need the energy i guess, probably for complaining about something.  Whatever, i don’t really care this is just an observation really.

Fast food tips- You would think the worst thing you could get for breakfast at McDonalds is a McGriddle but you’re wrong.  DEAD wrong.  Okay not dead wrong just wrong.  But you will be dead if you eat the McDonalds Big Breakfast with Hot cakes.  This is the tastiest and absolute worst thing to order ever in life.  At a lean 1150 calories this monstrosity has 60 grams of fat, 2225 mg of sodium and 116 carbs which is enough to make Dr. Atkins slip and fall.  Too soon?  But yeah this breakfast will kill you but you should not die before trying it.  Quite the conundrum don’t you think? Play that word you “Words with Friends” nerds!

“Facebook etiquette”- It’s sad when you change your profile pic and no one comments on it. “That never happens to me!” Relax hot girl, this one isn’t for you.  And if you’re a girl who just read this and you didn’t have that thought you can relax, it doesn’t mean you’re not hot.  You’re probably just insecure. Or maybe you are ugly, who knows.  But anyways changing your profile pic and not getting comments is like getting a new hair cut and no one saying anything.  It’s just depressing, that’s all.  And no you can’t go do it on my page now becasue it’s too late.

Thanks to Brian Shea for being my newest follower on this blog.  i appreciate you actually listening to my bitching about me not having any new followers buddy! 

And before i go, i know some of you aging beauties are gonna have opinions on today’s rant like you do everything.  i know you want to ask a MILLION questions like all girls do but i’ll answer the one that is loudest in your dome right now.  “What about guys, when do they hit The Wall?”  That’s your one question and you chose it wisely, and since you did i will answer.  35.  35 years old.  That is when guys hit the Wall. “35?  That’s not fair!!”  Nope, it isn’t.  It isn’t fair.  It’s just true.  And all i’ll say to prove it is look at a list of People’s Magazine’s “Sexiest Men Alive.”  You can look at your past winners, Brad Pitt won at age 36, George Clooney won at 36 and 45.  Even Sean Connery won when he was 59!  And this year’s winner is Bradley Cooper. “OMG he’s so hot!” Is he really?  Because he’s 36.  So thank you for helping me prove my theory.

Enjoy your weekend everyone!  i haven’t hit the wall yet so i know i will!
-miguel jo$e

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3 Responses to “All in all you’re just another brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd "Another Brick in the Wall"”

  1. Anonymous November 18, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    Hi Harry,

    Love, Ray

    Like

  2. Anonymous November 18, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    I'm 31…almost 32..and I must say..I was by far my hottest at 24/25..I agree…sad but true. Luckily that's when I snagged my husband! Love the blog..keep it up!

    Like

  3. Anonymous November 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    no, you have'nt grown up

    Like

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