The only difference between a white girl and a black girl is that if a black girl asks you if her ass looks big you say "Hell yes!" – Turk – "Scrubs"

4 Nov

What is up kids!

So this is blog #76, which is one more then 75.  And even though i’m not good at math that means i’ve written over 75 gddman blogs!  Holy S balls kids, whoever took the under on me REALLY f’n blew it!  And no don’t worry, i’m not gonna do a full shout out blog like i did for my 50th.  But i will say i’m pretty impressed with myself and i am definitely fired up for the home stretch towards blog 100!

But that’s still a long way off, and until then i gots some ha ha’s to get to.  So what’s there to rant about today?  Not much i guess, although while i’m talking about getting to blog 100 i guess i should tell you now i’m gonna take off two fridays this month starting with the next one.  “Wait WHAT?? First i didn’t even realize you were still writing this garbage, and now you’re telling me that not only do you still write a blog but you’re gonna be taking some time off??”

That’s right f*ck face, next Friday the 11th (11/11/11) and the day after Thanksgiving i will not be writing any blogs.  No i’m not getting lazy, because i mean lets be honest i’m already the laziest basterd around hence the spare tire i have wrapped around my waist (although my tire iron and lug nuts are still pretty damn impressive… does that joke even make sense? i’m gonna go with yes!)  But yeah next Friday i’ll be in Atlantic City with my family for a little vacation and on Thanksgiving i will be in Cape Cod with the family once again. So rather then try to half ass my blogs even moreso then i already do i’m just gonna take off for a hot one.  Basically what i’m saying is you can blame my parents that you get no jokes on those days, so if you see them please feel free to yell at them for not knowing what an incredible son they have.

But yeah i gots a lot of Random Nonsense to get to today so i’m gonna shut my trap about my vacations now.  i hope everyone is fired up that it’s Friday cause i sure as hell am.  And i should be, i have the money weekend planned and to top it off i get to watch football with Suzie who’s got a whole ton of tasty treats planned for Sunday Funday.  And believe you me, there is NOTHING better then Sue’s tasty treats!  Wait, that came out wrong.  What i mean is Sue is super hot and i love looking at her smoking hot body parts and in addition she is also making fantastic food for football on Sunday and i can’t wait!  Go Sports and Go weekend!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Alright, the absolute LAST thing i ever want to admit is when i like a commercial.  And i REALLY never want to admit when i find a baby being cute.  This is why it pains me to admit that i actually laugh at that Capital One commercial with Jimmy Fallon, the one where he says everybody wants more money except for one person… and it’s that baby who says “No!” and throws all this stuff at Jimmy Fallon.  Alright FINE, i laugh at that one for some reason.  i don’t know what it is, that baby isn’t even that cute but it just makes funny faces.  And even Fallon makes me laugh at that one too.  i mean come on, the guy was great on SNL and i’ve been an SNL fan my whole life.  And okay fine i’m totally over explaining myself but it’s because it makes me sick to admit there’s actually a commercial i like when 99% of them make me want to kill someone.  But yeah that is one i dig, and like Dante said in “Clerks” i gotta give credit where credit is due. Oh i said it Jewell. 

And while i’m admitting things that make me want to kill myself, i’ll also admit i recently met a kitten that i didn’t want to murder immediately.  GdDAMN it what is wrong with me???  i must be getting soft in my old age, and by that i mean if i’m turning into the kind of guy who likes commericals and babies and kittens i hope i get hit by a bus soon.

-How come every time i go to a sandwich shop, whether it be an Italian deli or Subway, they always insist of putting a ton of lettuce on top immediately without even asking?  What the F is with that?  Subway is the worst, you literally have to tell them everything you want on your sandwich but for some reason they will start throwing lettuce on it right away before you say anything. Like for example, “No i don’t want lettuce on my f’n sandwich dickface!”  But yeah i’m pretty sure if i wanted a salad i would go somewhere that sells salad.  i want a ton of meat and cheese and mayo on bread please, you can save the greens for Harrison or any of those other awful vagitarians.  “Whoo hoo i don’t eat meat!”  Is it because it’s fantastic?  Because if that’s the reason then i get it.  i mean you’re wrong and i hate you but i get it.  But yeah sandwich places please relax with the lettuce already on my subs, thanks.

-Another AWESOME Name for a Punk Band…   “The Crumb Bumbs.”

That’s a great number 2, but it is still behind the number one punk band name of all time which is???? No one remembers anything from my blog, do they?  It’s the “Bee’s Knees!”  C’mon guys…

LATER DICKS! – WELL WELL WELL… Look what Aholes read my blog.  So it seems that after a hugemongous backlash which i completely attribute to this blog, Bank of America will no longer be doing the $5 for using your ATM card as a debit card.  i know i know, who knew i was this powerful right?  If i wasn’t such a selfish narcissistic ahole i might start using my powers for good, but oh well.  i think i still may be switching banks, especially because this weekend is a HUGE weekend to switch from big Corporate banks to smaller local ones and credit unions.

So instead i guess i will say “Later Dicks!” to Kris Humphries since he will no longer be married to Kim Kardashian.  “Wait WHAT??!?! Please tell me Manuel Juan did not just say he likes Kim Kardashian!”  First of all, it’s miguel jose you racist basterd.  Secondly, yes i will admit she seems like a clueless twit that adds nothing to life and is famous for basically nothing… But have you seen that a$$??? So to Kris Humphries who somehow blew it… Later Dick!

And today is Alicia’s last day at chex so that’s an additional Later Dicks! Good luck Alicia! 🙂

Fast food tips- Popeyes has it’s Crawfish Special right now which consists of Fried Crawfish, fries and a biscuit for $4.99.  So of course i got it and i must say it was pretty good.  Not great, not not good, but definitely pretty good. i mean it just tastes like fried nonsense, it’s basically popcorn shrimp but kinda not.  But they give you a ton of fries and you know the biscuits are the money.  It also comes with a creamy horseradish sauce which isn’t that great, it’s big on the cream and not so much on the horseradish.  You’re probably better off getting regular tartar sauce instead.  And oh yeah if you get the Breast and wing special on top of that for $2.75 extra which i DIDN’T do you will be mad full and even have fries and a piece of chicken for later after you watch the Office. But yeah if you like fried nonsense you should get it.

Oh yeah, speaking of the Office… Has everyone else realized the couple on Parks and Recreation are SO much better then Jim and Pam?  Jim and Pam are the WORST, and it sucks because i felt like we were rooting for so long for them to get together.  But the whole mom and dad boring lame parents angle is murderously awful and i don’t care.  Remember when they got in a fight last week because Pam believes in ghosts??  Ugh, just terrible.  But yeah Andy and April on “Parks and Recreation” are the funniest and best couple on television right now, they are true best friends and the connection that they have is the craziest and most perfect thing ever.  Probably because i’m a gay romantic.  And oh yeah on NBC.com they have the first webisode of their road trip which you saw them take if you watched last night’s episode.
Does anyone get what i’m talking about when i talk about things?  No?? Yeah me neither.

Fast food tips #2- Alright i need to do at least one in honor of “Harold and Kumar’s 3D Christmas” since it came out this morning at midnight (that’s an odd phrase…) So yeah of course i had to do a White Castle Fast food Schwipp.  That was for Jay John, you just got fast food SCHWAPPED.  But if you didn’t know and if you don’t you are BLOWING it…  White Castle’s new angle is “Breakfast starts at midnight!” Which if you don’t understand it it means you can get breakfast starting at midnight now. Which personally i LOVE because breakfast is my favorite meal.  If Mcdonalds sold breakfast all day i’d have a Mcgriddle for dinner every night.  Haha just kidding, i buy them in the morning and keep them in the fridge till nighttime. But yeah now you can get the sausage and/or bacon egg and cheese on a bun or toast, bite size hash browns and french toast sticks starting at 12 am!  And yeah that Harold and Kumar 3D movie will probably be GARBAGE but i’ll probably check it out with Rob for his bday because we are pathetic old losers.  But after we check it out we’ll be getting White Castle breakfast so happy birthday buddy!

The Money $hot-out of the Week-   Um, yeah it goes to Kim Kardashian.  Holy f’n $ balls kids, that ass is just… i mean there are almost no words.  i mean i want to say it’s perfection but i feel like that doesn’t capture just how fantastic that ass is.  i mean her face is very pretty and obviously i’m a fan of her huge cans.  But GDAMN THAT ASS…. i’ll be honest kids, i barely speak any Spanish and my fake Spanish accent is HORRIBLE, but one part of me that is 100% hispanic is my love of big assess and Kim’s may be the finest of them all.  So if anything check them out until Tuesday’s blog and i will cya then.

And hopefully Stef gets her power back soon so she can finally read and comment on this piece again haha.

Cya! – miguel jo$e

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2 Responses to “The only difference between a white girl and a black girl is that if a black girl asks you if her ass looks big you say "Hell yes!" – Turk – "Scrubs"”

  1. Anonymous November 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    lol…I'm back. And reading both blogs in 1 day was amazing! Definitely a great way to end this shitty week! =)

    -stef

    Like

  2. Anonymous November 4, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    U did me. I didn't see it coming. I'm slippin. -JJ-

    Like

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