I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants! – Chip Douglas "The Cable Guy"

14 Oct

What is up kids?

Like the new site?  It’s Groovy baby, just like Austin Powers!  Oh Behave!  Do i make you horny?  Man remember aholes dropping those awful lines?  i can’t believe they were funny at one time…

So yeah i think this setting for my blog today is pretty wacky.  i must say, i dig it bad.  i hate that it reminds me of Austin Powers though, because man that movie is so old and lame.  i mean don’t get me wrong, it’s probably still funny i guess.  But Mike Myers has been HORRIBLE lately.  It’s easy to say Jim Carrey has been worse but i’d say they have been about equal. i mean The Love Guru? C’mon Jewell.  And what are they on now, Shrek 17?  i don’t blame them because it makes a million duckets off of dumb parents and their stupid kids.  But let’s be honest, Shrek was pretty good but the second one was not good at all, and they all got exponentially worse each sequel.  Although i cannot say that for sure, i never bothered watching them.  Why?  Because i’m not a dumb parent and i don’t have stupid kids, i literally just told you why. 

It’s really incredible how unfunny these two comedy giants now are.  These guys were the comedy GODS at one time.  i mean Jim Carrey was in Dumb and Dumber for crying out loud, the f*cking funniest movie of all time!  Now he’s making creepy videos to Emma Stone and doing movies like Mr. Poopy’s Penguins or whatever it was.  Remember “In Living Color”, Ace Ventura, Cable Guy?!?? You should, what i just listed is some of the funniest $hit ever.  Jim Carrey was even in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” which is one of my top 5 greatest movies of all time.  Now he’s a disaster!

And Mike Myers?  i am a HUGE fan of “So i Married an Axe Murdered”.  i honestly feel that movie was one of the seeds that planted the genius of sarcasm in my dome at a young age.  But he was so f’n funny in SNL, Wayne’s world was the money too.  The Austin Powers movies were great, hell i even liked Goldmember.  Now what is he doing? The Cat in the Hat?  C’mon guy, you’re better then that.
i guess when it comes down to it you just have to blame them for being Canadian.  i mean honestly, Canadians just don’t get it.  They can be super funny for a while but then that lame Canadian heritage comes oozing out their pores and everyone realizes how unfunny they are.  i think that’s why Will Ferrel is still funny.  He also is at the top of his game the same way those two guys were, but for some reason he is STILL super funny and puts out fantastic comedy after fantastic comedy.  And how come he has not hit the comedy wall just yet? It’s because he’s American, don’t you forget it. 
Wow you didn’t see a Patriotic angle coming at the end of this rant did you? Well it did and you’d better love it, just like you’d better love this country.  These colors don’t run, don’t tread on me and if you don’t like it you can get out!  God Bless America
-Can someone tell me what planet that the “medium” size soda at movie theater is actually considered a medium?  Holy S balls kids, i’m at the movies the other night and i’m slightly parched so i figured i’d get something to drink.  Of course i didn’t realize this medium soda was served in a gallon sized oil drum that would take me a year to finish.  Is the point that they know if you try to drink it all you will have to pee like 50 times and then have to buy a ticket to come to the movie again?  And of course the guy working the counter has the nerve to go “for only 50 cents more you can upgrade to a large!”  That’s okay buddy, i only need enough soda for me and my date not for the first 15 rows in the theater.  Alright fine i didn’t have a date with me, but i also lied because i haven’t been to the movies in months so if you’re gonna start nitpicking you might as well start there.
-i miss old school video games.  The ones now have the craziest graphics ever but really lack in the fun factor.  i mean it’s cool that the characters on screen is literally like looking at real people now.  And i’ll admit everything is so realistic and the colors and the sounds are straight up insanity these days.  But i kinda miss games where you just had to jump around a lot or hit “B” at the right time or figure out stupid puzzles and what have you on cheesy 2-D graphics.  i’ll take Super Mario Brothers over Call of Duty any day.  Were those $hits really that fun or am i just being nostalgic and old?  i’m just nostalgic and old? Oh okay, got it. 
Fast food tips- -So i tried the new Wendy’s burger, The “Dave’s Hot N’ Juicy” which was named after the founder Dave Thomas.  They describe it as “a half pound of 100% real North American beef and the freshest premium toppings on buttered, toasted buns – a double that would make Dave proud!”  Well it might have made Dave proud but myself? My review on this burger is… Meh.  Just meh.  i mean it’s pretty big i guess (that’s what sh..) but it’s not that flavorful and and it just didn’t really do it for me.  So yeah try it if you want but like i said… meh.
LATER DICKS! – After one of the worst campaigns of all time, “Qwikster” is already dead.  If you don’t know what Qwikster is then apparently you do not have Netflix.  And you should have it because Netflix is the money, or was the money anyway.  But yeah Netflix tried to pull some bull$hit where you couldn’t rent DVDs and stream live video from the same website like you always could.  Instead, they tried to split it into two different websites which is where this Qwikster garbage started.  Anyways this idea bombed heavily, and after only 23 days they announced they are canceling the idea and that they totally blew it.  This doesn’t mean they are also taking back their price increase, because of course those aholes won’t do that.  But at least i don’t need to go to another website i guess.  But yeah way to go Reed Hastings, who is the “genius” behind the failure that is Qwikster.  So to both him and the Qwikster disaster i say to both of you… Later dicks!
“Facebook etiquette”- Isn’t it crazy when you see the “People you may know” section and all of a sudden the hottest person EVER just appears in it?  And you’re like holy S balls which one of my friends knows that girl!??  And why was i never introduced???  Do you ever friend them just in hopes that they will see that they know the same people as you and will friend you back and then you can creep on their page?  Yeah me too. 
Alright that’s it for me this week kids.  NEXT WEEK will be the real updated new site!  It’s been fun playing around with these designs but either next Tuesday or Friday will have the brand new look going forward.  Or maybe not, i’m a filthy dirty liar who can’t be trusted.
See you kids Tuesday! – miguel jo$é

One Response to “I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants! – Chip Douglas "The Cable Guy"”

  1. Anonymous October 14, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    Omg literally crying from laughing so hard at the random nonsense…love you lol 🙂



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