Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing- Chris Rock

20 Sep

What is up kids?

Gonna be a short rant today, i feel like i gots nothing.  Kinda in the same mood i was in last week, not really better or worse.  “What mood is that, do you mean not funny? Because you’ve been in that mood for a long time!”  Thanks dick face, you’re always there for me like a true friend.

This weather ain’t helping nothing either.  i don’t mind how much cooler it is lately, in fact i dig that part.  But grey and cloudy skies are not bringing up my spirits at all that is for sure.  These dark and dreary days at work are rough, i kinda want to put on some Elliot Smith and pound some sleeping pills with NyQuil and take one of those forever naps.

Haha no i dont’ want to kill myself, i’m just being dramatic for none reason.  i’m actually kind of okay, i went to the Giants game with my Brother last night and had an awesome f’n time.  The Giants don’t look that great and i still think that new stadium is one of the biggest mistakes ever created but whatever the Giants won and i was bombed and it was the money night.  It’s so disappointing about that stadium though, especially because it’s the last new Giants stadium i’ll see in my lifetime.  Since they share the same building with those overrated jerks the Jets they can’t use either team’s colors in the building so everything is this lifeless grey, kinda like the weather today.  Which is awesome because it’s not like i see the new Cowboys stadium that looks like the greatest building ever f’n created in the history of sports.  They have that and we have a dull grey building with none of my teams colors.  Thanks dicks!

How did my awesome f’n Giants experience with my big bro turn into this depressing conversation?  Oh i remember, because of this dumb ass mood i’m in.  Whoo hoo i’m sad!  Somebody cheer me up, i need attention!  Grow up me, you’re better then that.  Well maybe not in this rant but i am in my
RANDOM NONSENSE that’s for sure.  So let’s just get to that, shall we?


-Since it’s fall, that means everything from coffee to beer now has that special “Pumpkin” flavored something that’s out.  And everybody LOVES this stuff, they’re always like “OMG it’s fall!  i need a Pumpkin Latte and Sam Adams Pumpkin Octoberfest and i want Pumpkin spice donuts and Pumpkin muffins and if it’s a girl Pumpkin i want her to spread her legs so i can bury my face in that Pumpkinninny goodness!”  So my question is, am i the only one who doesn’t give a $hit about pumpkins? Are they really that great?  Can you even eat pumpkins?  i honestly have no idea, i would guess so but no one ever serves just straight up pumpkin, only pumpkin flavored stuff.  Either way this craze does nothing for me and i don’t give a flying pumpkin f*ck about all these flavors.

-White people age TERRIBLY.  Have you ever noticed that?  You will see a 60 year old black or Hispanic guy and have trouble figuring out the person’s age, but if you see a 60 year old white guy you know he looks at LEAST 75.  This is the kind of stuff that makes me think there is a God, because he may have given white people all the power and money, that’s no doubt.  But he also gave them horrible skin that ages horrifically as well as skin that can’t handle the sun at all so they have to constantly douche themselves in SPF 45000 just to be outside.  Thank God for my gorgeous brown perfect skin.  And thank my parents too i guess. 

-Does anyone else think it’s crazy how fast you get the text from Verizon when you pay your bill online?  Like the second  you hit “make payment” your phone is already beeping before your hand lets off the button.  idk, i don’t really have anywhere to go with this thought.   But it’s one i had and i figured i’d write it down in my blog.  Swing and a miss…

-Have you seen the commercials for this show “Parenthood”?  i never get these kinds of shows, who would ever watch them?  Either you are not a parent and the last thing in the world you would ever want to watch is a show about being a parent.  Or you are a parent, and the last thing in the world you would ever want to watch is a show about being an f’n parent.  These shows make no sense to me, but i guess the thought of actually being a mature adult makes no sense to me either. 

Fast food tips- Sonic has new breakfast burritos and i easily went from 6 to 12 o’clock when i saw the commercial.  BooooooWHIP!  Instead of the normal sausage burrito and the orgasmic bacon breakfast burrito, they now also have Ultimate meat and cheese burrito, the Supersonic breakfast burrito, Fiesta steak burrito and the Steak and egg breakfast burrito.  My penis is literally dripping with saliva as i write this.  Hahaha that last sentence makes no sense but i wrote it and it killed me so i’m keeping it.  But yeah my advice to all of you is to smoke a big fat bizowl and order about 3 or 4 of these and spend the rest of the day on the toilet laughing and crying in happiness.  i’m not saying it’s good advice, i’m just saying it’s the advice i have for you.

“Facebook etiquette”- Can Facebook stop blowing it on people’s birthday’s?  Has anyone else realized this? How many times have you seen the “Today’s Birthdays” section, went to the person’s page to write “happy birthday!”, only to find out their actual birthday is tomorrow.  C’mon dicks, this is literally the only way i can keep track of birthdays now so when you blow it i look like an a$$hole.  i mean whatever my mom forgave me but for real stop blowing it!

Man i’m too beat to even proofread this again so i’m just gonna post it, hopefully some of it makes sense.  “You mean you actually proofread this gramatical nightmare sometimes??? That makes it even worse!”  i do check for spelling and i read it over a few times to make sure it’s okayk, but today i only read over it once so whatever.  i’m still trying to shake this mood but i’ll be honest i’m glad i write this blog because it definitely helps to write.  And there’s some funny stuff in here today, isn’t there?  No? 

Cya Friday! – miguel jo$é


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