Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get- Homer Simpson

9 Sep

What is up kids?

That was a clip from the classic award winning film, “Man Gets Hit by Football.” i felt the need to show you that today because holy f’n $HITBALLS i am SO fired up for football!  Obviously it started last night, and if you watched the game you saw two incredible teams put on an amazing display.  Except for the part where the Saints decided to blow it on the last play of the game.  “Hey we have an MVP Quarterback who just brought us down the entire length of the field in less then a minute… how bout we hand the ball off to our rookie running back who has already been stuffed at the line a bunch of times?”  Nice play calling deek.

But as fun as it was last night there is nothing better in life then football Sunday. First of all Football is the best f’n sport by far, it’s not even close.  In baseball, both the games and the season are too obnoxiously long. And the sport is mad boring to watch in the first place.  Have you ever tried to watch a baseball game all the way through, dead sober?  i’d rather go to church then suffer through that, at least church is only an hour long. And you get booze and a cookie!

Haha relax my religious friends, i’m only teasing.  i’m allowed to gently tease!  i tease everybody so don’t feel any different, and they are gentle jabs at best.  i’m a big fan of Jesus.  First of all he has a Hispanic name, secondly he was all about love and peace and i dig that bad.  And he was Jewish! That has nothing to do with anything other then the fact that I always thought it was odd that Christians followed Jesus even though he was obviously Jewish.  That’d be like saying, “my favorite baseball player is Derek Jeter, that’s why i follow the Mets!”  But yeah that’s a conversation for another day…

But for real, once football season starts every Sunday becomes it’s own little holiday.  From waking up early and not showering, getting on the computer to read the most up to date fantasy football advice, or even more importantly making those last minute roster switches that always end up being a huge mistake.  Watching all the NFL pregame shows as my friends show up with beer and hopefully food.  Setting up our two TV’s so we can watch the Giants game on the main one and put the Red Zone Channel on another, all the while going back and forth from the computer checking to see how we are doing in the 4 different fantasy football leagues we are in. 

Does that all sound like heaven?  Because trust me it is, it is the literally the happiest i could be in a situation that does not involve my penis and a hot girl.  Although to be honest if i had to choose between winning all my fantasy leagues and banging a super hot baby girl i would probably go with winning all my leagues. Besides being the champ i’d also be able to whack off the sight of all those trophies in my room, so that situation is win win! Minus me being a loser of course. 

But enjoy the football season kids, this really is the best time of the year.  Instead of looking at summer being over i look at it as football season beginning because i’m a glass half full kinda guy.  But this Sunday you can be sure i will be an unshowered disgusting mess wearing my Giants jersey covered in wing sauce and drinking Natty light,  full of disappointment when my first round pick goes down with an injury for the year during the first game.  But even when that awful situation occurs i will still be happy because football is f’n back! Let the holiday begin!


Actually, i’m going to skip random nonsense today and focus on something important.  As you all realize this Sunday marks the 10th anniversary of 9/11, and i know for most of us in the tri-state area and all over the country for that matter it is something we will never forget.  When i was a kid i could always remember my parents generation asking each other where they were when JFK was shot, then when i got older it was “where were you when OJ verdict was read?”  Unfortunately now that question is “where were you when the World Trade Center was attacked?”

i guess it was ignorant to think that we would never be attacked in America.  We take so much for granted here, and we wrap ourselves up in so much garbage like sports and celebrity hype and things that really mean nothing that it is almost a slap to the face when we have to deal with anything “real.”  But like a lot of people i can remember where i was on 9/11 like it was yesterday.  Driving to work, listening to Howard Stern as he talked about his date with Pam Anderson.  It was a normal Howard show until he almost casually said that a plane just crashed into the World Trade Center.  Listening to the show it just sounded like a mistake, i personally thought some guy flying a small private plane just blew it and crashed into it by accident.  But by the time i got to work and we put the TV on and were watching the first tower on fire, and then to see that second plane hit…

To this day i have trouble watching the footage on TV.  i honestly cannot fathom what it would have been like to live through that, and for those that did not make it or who died trying to save lives it really hurts my soul to think about it.  But i will say one thing, and this comes from someone who although i think i’m a positive person i’m also very cynical when it comes to believing in the human race.  For the most part i think the human race is doomed because we cannot work together and we only care about awful stuff and our species in general is in a free fall towards the destruction of humanity that we will never come out of…

However, on that day and the weeks and months to follow i saw a side of this country that i almost never would have believed.  From all the volunteers including my older brother who went to go help clean up, to all the people who donated money and food and blood.  For real, i remember the radio and TV saying “please do not come out to donate blood, we have too much as it is and there are still thousands of people lined up to give blood and we can’t handle anymore. Please find another way to help.”  i honestly couldn’t believe it till i saw it.

But that’s the best thing about this country.  Yeah we’re full of a lot of dumb selfish aholes, but for the most part we truly can come together when things are at their worst.  It’s almost like a family that never gets along with each other, but then a family member dies and everyone pulls together to help each other out.  And yeah at some point it fades and everything goes back to normal.  People start caring about petty $hit again and the fights come back and all that garbage.  But even though 9/11 was an absolutely horrific event that i will never forget, i will also never forget the goodness i saw in people that i honestly did not think existed anymore.  It’s so easy to give up on the human race, because honestly they do so many things that make you want to give up us every day.  But on the days following 9/11 i actually did see goodness, and i truly did see hope for Mankind. 

i’ll be honest i still think this planet is headed straight to hell in a hand basket, but a part of me still has hope that maybe someday we will get things right.  It’s almost like being a Mets fan, because yeah 99% of me knows my team is awful and does everything wrong, but there is still that 1% of me that hopes against hope that one day the Mets will win the World Series again. 

Hope is an amazing thing kids, once you lose that there is almost no point to keep living.  But i hope you all take time this weekend to remember those you have lost, not just on 9/11 but at any point in your life.  And i also hope you remember there are a lot of brave men and women out there protecting us, and the reason we are able to care about football and who wore what to the VMA’s is because they are out there giving up their own personal freedom so we can have ours.  i may not have been brave enough to have joined the service, but i am aware enough to know we owe these soldiers everything. 

i don’t know if all of this sounds corny coming from me, i know normally i write about deucing myself to no end and puking Natty light and fast food in my backyard after a heavy Tuesday night of drinking.  And i also don’t know if it’s because both my parents are Marines and my best friend/roommate was in the Navy, but i do consider myself a patriotic person.  i may not act like it sometimes because there are so many things in this country to bash and so many things i can’t stand, but the fact that i can openly talk about them and/or even blog about them i am least smart enough to realize that just the fact that i can do that here makes this the best country in the world. 

So enjoy football this Sunday kids, and remember everyone who has sacrificed their lives so that we can enjoy these little “holidays” each Sunday.  My friends Jim and Phil do a daily strip about beer and bars and nonsense over at which i’ve actually done a guest blog on before.  But anyways Jim Kohl did an amazing drawing which i’d like to end my blog with today.  It’s comic about beer called “Happy  Hour” hence the beer towers just so you get the reference.  But have a great football weekend everyone, i hope your fantasy football teams do great unless you are playing me, and to anyone that has been affected by what happened 10 years ago just  know that no one will ever forget the sacrifices that were made and the ones that continue to be made to this day.  Thank you for making me believe in my country once again.


One Response to “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get- Homer Simpson”

  1. Anonymous September 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    Last week Dan was on a plane and all the magazines they were handing out had 9/11 anniversary stuff on the cover. He felt it to b a lil inappropriate. He passed on them. And yeah that 9/11 footage still gives me anxiety when I see it. Id def love to see those 9/11 documentaries on Nat geo but that'll only happen when they come out with one without real footage!! I'm kinda done.


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