There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want – Calvin (and Hobbes)

6 Sep


What is up kids?

So i hope everyone had a fantastic Labor day weekend.  Mine was definitely the money even though to be honest i didn’t do too much.  But isn’t that the best thing ever sometimes? Doing absolutely NOTHING for days at a time?  Some people can’t handle that, and i call those people “girls.”  Girls HATE wasting their day away, if they haven’t gone to the gym and returned that tank top and bought that make up they needed and went apple picking all by 12 noon they consider the day to be a waste.

Not me.  If the 7 o’clock baseball game is coming on and that’s the time i finally decide to take a shower and drink my coffee to start my day i am a happy man.  Don’t get me wrong, i’m all about partying it up in the city or playing pong till 3 am and then stopping at White Castle only to throw it all up on the side of my garage as well.  But when i plan to do nothing i literally do NOTHING.  And that’s really all i did since Friday night, i did my last fantasy football draft and set up my new Twitter account…

Whoo hoo Twitter!  MAN did i not want to set up that garbage.  i don’t totally try to fight every new technology that comes out, it’s not like i’m my dad who still refuses to get a DVD player because he loves his VHS tapes.  Haha that’s not true but it was a funny example.  But yeah i guess if i want to start pushing my blog more it’s time to start stepping my game up.  Not that i don’t love the readers i have but it’s time to start making moves and get this blog out there.  And apparently the kids love Twitter these days.  Whoo hoo Tweet this!  Sorry, i’m being dragged into this world but i will admit it’s while i’m kicking and screaming this whole time.

But i’m looking for new ways to get the word out on my blog, so if anyone’s gots any ideas please feel free to tell me.  Spread the word!  Tell your family and friends!  Post it on your Facebook, email it to your friends who you think would like it.  And oh yeah if you haven’t done so yet become a follower already!  For real it takes 5 mins TOPS and it means the world to me, and i’m so f’n close to 30!  You don’t need a picture or anything, and make it the ghettoist account ever i don’t care, i just want to see those numbers rising.  But if you still hate me and don’t want to do that i guess you can follow me on Twitter now as well.  i don’t really get it and/or i am not really sure how it works and/or how to use it but there’s a “follow me” on Twitter button now that hopefully does something so if you have a Twitter account follow me!  i’m at ” migueljose_85 “.  And oh yeah someone explain to me what this nonsense means…

i’d also like to say good luck to all the teachers starting school this week.  i know the Republicans hate you but some of us realize you are the people who shape this country’s children and you easily have one of the most thankless jobs in the country and aren’t paid nearly what you deserve.  And just because there are a few ahole teachers out there that don’t give an F, that does not change the fact that the majority of you do care about your job and do your best despite $hitty pay and constantly getting bombarded by parents and ahole kids as well as being f’d by the school board.  Everyone thinks they would love to have a job that is 8-3, what they don’t realize is all the lesson plans you need to come up with and the constant grading and staying after for extra help and meetings and back to school nights and field trips and school dances and trying to get your masters during night and weekend classes and that summer job you need to pick up because it’s increasingly harder to get tenure especially in NJ where our Governor hates you guys.

But good luck teachers, and good luck to the girls who read this blog that are still students which to be honest i find the hottest thing ever.  And never forget baby girls, just because you are not in a Catholic high school,  or are even Catholic for that matter, that does not mean you can’t wear a Catholic high school girl outfit and skirt.  BoooooooWHIP! 

On to the nonsense!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-What is with girls and apple picking?  Am i missing something?  Yeah i kinda dig apples i guess but wasting a whole Saturday morning picking that nonsense makes none sense to me.  “But then we can make apple cider or pie or eat fresh apples!”  i’m pretty sure i can buy all of that stuff at the supermarket.  Hell i can pick it up at gddamn 7-11.  “But it can be so romantic!”  Oh yeah? It’d also be romantic if you told me that you were just kidding about the apple picking thing and that you’d rather spend all morning playing with my own ripe red delicious. “Red delicious, more like Granny smith!”  i honestly think that girls don’t care about apple picking either, i think they just want to see if guys will give up their weekend to do stupid $hit with them.  i’ve never done it ever, but if i did it would be on a Saturday.  Mostly because i’m not that into college football.  But Sunday?  No can do darling, my “Church” starts at 1 pm, and now that i have the Red Zone channel i have a lot of sermons to watch!

-When i come into work after a long 3 day weekend and look at my emails, i always notice the clients who emailed me over the weekend.  They may email me on a holiday Monday, or Sunday or even on Saturday. i look at these emails and ask myself what pathetic awful lowlife is so anti enjoying a long three day weekend that they have to email me on gddamn Saturday during a holiday weekend? You KNOW i’m not going to see it until Tuesday morning, hell i’m not going to see it until Tuesday afternoon the way i ease into things after having 3 days off.  So your best bet is that i read your email by lunchtime Tuesday, yet you still feel the need to email me first thing Saturday morning.  What a horrific life you must lead if those are the things you are thinking about over the holiday weekend.  It makes me laugh that this client is emailing important work information at the same time i’m doing funnels of Natural light and puking up two day old pizza in my back yard just to make room for the new pizza we just ordered.  Oh the different lives we lead…

-So i pee sitting down.  Pretty much every time i go to the bathroom.  i don’t know, it’s just a lot less messy and i feel it’s a lot more comfortable then standing up.  Plus this way if i’m about to have an “accident” and a number two starts to happen i’m already prepared.  i used to feel weird about it but i talked to some of my guy friends and they feel the same way…

Hahaha i do NOT pee sitting down!  Holy S i gotta figure 90% of you were believing that with zero problem, which makes me both proud and ashamed.  Proud because at least you guys know i’m pretty much 100% honest with you all with most of the stuff i write, but ashamed because for real you honestly believe that even for a second?!?!  Even when it’s me you should question what you read kids, just because someone is writing something, even if it’s someone you know and trust do some research for crying out loud!  Hell i’m not even positive every quote i’ve used to start my blogs are 100% accurate.  i think they are but i don’t care enough to research them because regardless if the words i use get the point across i want i am fine with it.  Although how could you research that previous paragraph?  i guess you’d have to follow me in the bathroom. Alright don’t do that, i promise you i pee standing up.  If you do want proof check the floor around my toilet at my house, you will see my evidence because i miss a lot.  And that part i’m not kidding about.

$ports $ection- i cannot f’n stand the Yankee announcers on the YES network.  They are truly awful and biased and they don’t even try to hide it.  They are like the FOX news of sports, and it makes it really tough to watch them. Plus they treat all the listeners like CHILDREN.  Do they not realize they are in New York?  New York is easily the town with the smartest and most educated fans, yet the Yankee announcers feel the need to explain every little aspect of the game like i am a child.  Say what you want about the Mets, but the guys who do the Mets broadcasts are very intelligent and speak that way to the audience during a game.  My friend Massey put it this way, if the New York announcers were teachers, the Yankee announcers would be Kindergarten teachers and the Mets announcers would be college professors.  Every biased Yankee fan right is probably fuming at this but any open minded intelligent human being who’s reading this will probably agree. And you should agree, i’m right.

Fast food tips--i’m trying to eat healthier these days which is why today’s Fast food tip is for you calorie conscience people out there.  Did you know at Popeye’s you can order your chicken “naked”?  No i don’t mean walking in before closing and ordering a bucket with no pants on like i did NOT do this past weekend… i mean you can order the chicken with no breading.  That’s the first thing i did when i started my diet, i ordered a 12 piece of naked chicken from Popeyes and i can already feel the pounds melting off!  Or is that the grease dripping down my face…

Summer’s officially over, but my campaign to start getting my blog out there is just beginning.  Become a follower, tell your friends, follow me on Twitter, help me get famous so i can start getting paid for this and then never EVER speak to any of you again!  Why would i?  Once i’m famous i will be hanging out with way more educated and better people, i can’t f’n WAIT to lose all my friends and exchange them for better ones!  But until then please support me!  – miguel jo$é

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