It’s so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice. -Ron Burgundy "Anchorman"

22 Jul

What is up kids?

Actually for once i know the answer to this, it’s the f’n temperature! Holy $hitballs kids, it is too f’n hot today.  Who wants to read a blog let alone write one in this heat?  Not me or you i’m guessing…

So how bout i just hit you up with up some quick ha ha’s and we call it a day?  Sounds good to me. i’ll come back with a dazzling rant on Tuesday for ya, but for now read my jokes and then get into an air conditioned room or a pool or an air conditioned pool ASAP!


-i think it’s bull$hit that people who have kids get to call out of work or leave work early all the time. “Boo Hoo my kid is sick!  i need to leave and take care of them and then call out the next few days! And who knows when i’ll be back!”  Oh yeah?  Go f yourself!  It’s not fair that because of your poor life decisions i have to do extra work while you go home and take care of your “sick” kid.  You should have probably though of that before you brought that sick bundle of nonsense into the world.  Either get a full-time sitter or a nanny or quit your job because you obviously can’t do both.  And no one ever argues that excuse, it’s just like “sick kid? Cya later!”  F that, it’s f’n horse$hit.  You spread your legs and shoot out a sickly baby and that’s fine, but if i call out because i did a Cabo hour and ate Taco Bell afterwards and am a $hitting and puking disaster on the bowl everyone looks down on me?  F you you judging aholes.  Either it’s okay for both of to leave for no reason or it’s not for either of us, what’s fair is fair. Oh by the way my “baby” is lonely and needs my attention immediately.  And by baby i mean my beer pong table.  So yeah i gotta bounce, later dicks!

-Could you imagine marrying your high school sweetheart?  i mean when you’re a kid and in your early 20’s and stuff it doesn’t seem that crazy i guess, even though to me it does.  But say you started dating someone junior year of high school and then dated through college and got married and now have kids and a family, and let’s also “pretend” you were able to be faithful through all of that.  Does the thought of basically only having one vagina for your entire life ever bother you?  Or one penis for that matter if you are a girl or gay guy?  Even out of curiosity don’t you ever wonder what someone else’s privates look and/or taste like?  Or even smell like?  i mean yeah the whole love part must be pretty awesome, and there is definitely a comfort factor that comes with staying with the same person for so long.  idk, i really don’t know how you love birds do it but God bless you!  i’m too busy trying everything i can in the buffet line.  Yet i still wonder how i’m not married or engaged yet…

THINGS THAT GUYS NEVER WANT TO HEAR AT A URINAL- ugh i HATE it when people bite their nails…

-You know the button they have on the dock of home phones that you can press when you can’t find the actual phone?  The one that beeps until you can find it?  Some of you kids only have cell phones so you may not know what i’m talking about.  But WAAAAAAAAAAY back in the 90’s when we had things such as “cordless” phones, the dock you hung these phones up on had a button you could press when you couldn’t find the actual phone part.  Anyways, why don’t they have that same button when it comes to T.V. remotes?  i lose that f’n remote all the time, can’t you hook me up with that button?  i already know the technology is available!  This may be my least funny random nonsense ever but eat me it’s f’n hot today!

Fast food tips-White Castle currently has Bacon and Cheddar sliders and Bacon and Ranch sliders on their menu.  So if you were looking to punish your a$$ in the most delicious and non sexual way possible i’d suggest buying some of those immediately.

-Here’s and extra Fast food tip, but this one is actually for McDonald’s.  Can you please take that “You’re the best Mr. Snuggles!” commercial that is on T.V. every second off the air before i f’n walk into your restaurant and shoot everybody inside before i turn the gun on myself and end it all?  It is MURDEROUSLY obnoxious and horrible and it makes me want to do bad things to myself and others.  If you keep that commercial on the air you can make my nickname “Senor Murder!” as i kill you all….

“Facebook etiquette”- Why do Facebook invites bother having a “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe” column? They should just have “Yes” and “Maybe” since everyone who selects Maybe never shows up anyway…

That’s all i gots today kids, time to go back to bed in my air conditioned paradise known as my room.  But before i end this and say Cya Tuesday, i’d just like to say Happy Birthday to Alicia who was a huge driving force in getting me to start my blog.  Most people think i’m funny when they first meet me, and then they gradually start to hate me more and more until the very thought of me makes them throw up in their mouth a little.  But for some reason this girl ALWAYS laughs at my jokes and she was one of the first people to encourage me to write my garbage down on a website. So if any of you dig my nonsense at all you can thank Alicia for helping me get it out to all of you.  So happy birthday Alicia, i hope you have a great day 😉

Alright for real i’m OOT, cya Tuesday!  -miguel jo$e


2 Responses to “It’s so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice. -Ron Burgundy "Anchorman"”

  1. Anonymous July 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    lol i'm sure your parents are gonna love the part about marrying your high school sweet heart…wish I could witness that conversation…or as Mr. Haxwell would say “to be a fly on the wall at that dinner table…” lol
    -stef =)


  2. Anonymous July 23, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    🙂 Thank u

    <3 Leesh


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