Recognize i’m a fool and you LOVE me – O.D.B. "Got Your Money"

8 Jul

What is up kids? 

Oh Old Dirty Bastard, you were taken from us way too soon.  Actually wait a second, with all the drugs and partying you did i can’t believe you made it through the first Wu-Tang album now that i think about it.  Have all of you seen when he went to pick up his welfare check in a limo back in the day?  If not Youtube that S, it’s f’n hilarious.  And this happened a while ago so you can’t blame Obama for it you angry teabaggers.

Haha my sister Lori just LOVES it when i talk politics!  i spent time with her this weekend at the Cape and she’s like “honestly i love your blog, but you need to talk about your views on Republicans and politics in general more.  i find them both insightful and i agree with almost everything you say and don’t find it offensive at all!”  Yeah i’m pretty sure that’s how that conversation went…

i don’t have much today as far as my rant goes (obviously) but i feel like my Random Nonsense through Facebook etiquette are all pretty long so i should probably just get to the good stuff anyway.  And it probably doesn’t help that at this particular second i’m not feeling too passionate about something i feel like going off on a rant about anyways.  So i could pretend and do a half assed rant or just type until i feel like this blog is long enough and then stop when i feel like it.  Because i’m pretty sure this is my blog and i can do what i want.  So i will, enjoy the garbage that flows through my mind folks!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Does everyone else agree that trail mix would be the f’n money if it wasn’t for all those stupid Raisins? Jeebus Christmas all i want is some peanuts and chocolate and goodness but all i taste are dumb a$$ nature’s candy.  Enough already trail mix!  If you want to throw in some raisins just to keep your treat a little “healthy,” even though anyone who reads the nutrition label on the back knows they are really not that good for you at all then so be it.  But this 90% ratio of raisins to goodness in trail mix is just garbage, plus when i’m done picking out all of them i’m left sitting next to what looks like a huge pile of rabbit turds.

-i think the song that they sing in “Toy Story 2” when the girl doll Jesse tells her story about her owner growing up and not needing her anymore is one of the most depressing things i have ever heard in my life.  Do you remember that heartbreaking nonsense?  It’s sung by Sara McLachlan, who you know sings those horrifically depressing songs for the ASPCA.  i remember being in the movie theater thinking that i was going to start BAWLING in front of all these kids.  But yeah if you don’t know the scene this little doll tells the story of her life about growing up and being the girls best friend until the girl grows up and goes to college and leaves her doll in a box at a garage sale as the doll watches her friend leave her forever.  Some of the lyrics go, “So the years went by, I stayed the same.  And she began to drift away.  I was left alone, still I waited for the day when she’d say, “i will always love you.” Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way, She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do. Like she loved me, when she loved me…”  Please pardon me while i go hang myself to the thought of this children’s cartoon…

-For the record, the saddest scene in movie history is from the Lion King when Simba sees  his father lying there dead on the ground and he climbs under his arm for one last hug.  Once that scene started i was like “here come the waterworks”!  There’s a reason “Hakuna Matata” starts 5 seconds after that scene is over, they need to cheer up a room of crying kids immediately.  And a crying Miguel.  Damn you Scar!

-Why do we still have human umpires in sports?  i’m pretty sure we have cameras everywhere and all sorts of crazy technology.  They have a machine that can tell if a 130 mph serve in tennis is in or out by a centimeter for crying out loud.  All human umpires and refs add to the game is human error.  Humans are so 2010.  Hey sports, grow up already. 

Fast food tips Do you love bacon?  If you don’t you should probably just stop reading my blog all together because i hate you.  Just kidding you pretentious vegans and no meat enjoying vegetarians and Harrison.  You can keep reading and just continue to skip “Fast Food Tips” like you always do.  But for us normal humans, bacon is basically what our life revolves around besides air and water.  But what fast food item contains the most bacon?  The Baconator at Wendys!!!  Oh wait, that pathetic burger has 4 teeny tiny strips and is basically garbage. In fact, it is an insult to even call that burger by that name, when i hear Baconator i expect a B.L.T. amount of Bacon except instead of L.T. they are replaced by Bacon and Bacon.  And oh yeah none bread either, use more Bacon as bread.  You can keep the Mayo though.

But anyways, the Sonic Bacon Breakfast Burrito is the item you are looking for if you want delicious bacon in every bite.  If you look at their $1 menu you will only see the Jr Sausage Burrito so you may think they don’t have it, but oh heck yes they do.  It’s not on the $1 menu so many people don’t bother to look and just stick with the sausage burrito.  But don’t do it! Just ask for the Sonic Bacon Breakfast burrito and you can thank me later for the bacon orgasm you will enjoy in both your mouth and your pants.

Oh and special thanks to Michelle, who had to call me out for saying my brother’s diet inspired me yet i just happened to order McDonalds on my way home from vacation.  Apparently the fact that i wanted to start my diet on Tuesday after i was done celebrating America’s birthday was lost on her and she felt the need to point that out.  Yes that’s how i decided to be a patriot on July 4th, by going to an American establishment and enjoying an All American burger.  With Big Mac sauce and bacon.  In my red white and blue speedo.  The love of my country did NOT take away the inspiration that my brother gave me!  i was just doing what i could for my country.  Although the fact that you were the only one to notice this and call me out is pretty funny haha 🙂

“Facebook etiquette”-Hey everybody posting as their status “Monday sucks!”  “i hate Mondays!”… yeah, we know already. It’s f’n Monday.  Deal with it.  Do i bother posting, “i enjoy sleep!” “Bl0w jobs are awesome!” “Yankee stadium is a joke with how easy it is to hit home runs in that ballpark!”  No i don’t, because everyone knows it already.

Holy Sballs that was a big one.  “That’s what He said!” Oh wait i meant she, she!  i am definitely not gay!  Even though i do live with a hot gay guy and we’re thinking of moving to New York.  Because we like the tall buildings!   Wow, you would think the fact that i could read over this and erase what i don’t want in here before i post it i would take advantage of that but i’m too lazy for that nonsense.

Happy birthday to my boy Steven, who probably won’t read this until a month from now if that.  And happy birthday to one of my first followers of this blog Stefanie who turns 24 this Sunday!  If anyone from Dumont is around they should definitely go to Grants Sunday night and buy her shots and drinks, but mostly shots.  Why is she partying on a Sunday night?  Because it’s her actual birthday, but more importantly because all you grown ups should just suck it up and party on a work night instead of being your boring old selves for once.  And because she is straight money 🙂  That’s two call outs for her in my blog now!  But it’s her bday and i think she deserves it! 🙂

Have a great weekend kids, cya Tuesday! – miguel jo$é

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2 Responses to “Recognize i’m a fool and you LOVE me – O.D.B. "Got Your Money"”

  1. Anonymous July 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm #

    ahhh that was amazing! Thanks for saying I'll be turning 24. I do not mind everyone thinking I'm 3 years younger than I actually am. And 2 separate shout-outs…definitely one of the best birthday presents EVER! Thanks and hope to see you on Sunday =)
    -Stef

    Like

  2. Michele July 8, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    Your welcome :0)

    Like

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