I will not play at tug o’ war. I’d rather play at hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug. Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins. And everyone cuddles, and everyone wins. – Shel Silverstein "Hug O’ War"

17 Jun

What is up kids?

Awwwwww, what a nice poem to start off our Friday with! It just hit me last night that i have yet to start off a blog using a Shel Silverstein poem and that is just unacceptable.  If you don’t know who he is (and if you don’t you are a classless fool), Shel Silverstein is the genius behind such poetry collections as “Where the Sidewalk Ends” and “A Light in the Attic.”  They are sold as “children’s” books but i’ve always found the meanings to be so much deeper then that.  But isn’t the poem i used today the best?  “Um, i’m not sure, when i stop throwing up with how cute you’re trying to be i will let you know…”

Haha even my cynical readers can’t get me down today, i am in the money mood! 🙂  idk, i was rattled for awhile there, but especially lately i feel like i’m getting back on track.  i don’t know if it’s the good weather (despite the rainy day we are having), if it’s because i am just more appreciative of what i have lately, or if i have just decided to be more positive in my life but things are going GOOD.  And as i get older (“you are already old pal!”  alright, pipe down jerks…) i have realized that these periods of good kharma don’t last forever, or that long at all really.  But i will ride this wave of positivity as long as i can, and right now it is still going strong!

i also have my second wedding in a week tonight as one of my good friends from high school Brandon “Sweet Riva” Frazier marries his beautiful fiance Sandy, and once again it is so good to see two people who belong together get married.  Yeah yeah i said that about the wedding i went to on Sunday too, but for real i am just enjoying seeing people who deserve to be together making it official.  And to my friends that have weddings that i don’t write about in my blog, it’s probably because i think you are making a horrendous decision like 90% of the people who decide to get married.

But to my faithful readers who only want to hear about me puking my guts out and writhing in misery with awful hangovers that ruin my weekend do not fret, because that abhorrent ahole will be back next week.  But i feel as though i’ve written enough blogs on that subject that i could get away with writing at least one blog about being in a good mood.  “No you can’t, i am bored senseless right now!”  Well i apologize my happiness bores you, you negative f*ck.  I’m in a f*cking good mood and you’re trying to ruin it?  All i do is try to make you people laugh and you’re going to give me $hit the one time i try to express a positive attitude??  i will f*cking murder your family while you sleep and then wake you up to watch me urinate on their dead bodies before i skull f*ck them in front of you!  Oh wait, maybe i’ll skull f*ck them first before i urniate on them because the other way around is just disgusting…

Has anyone ever went from a Shel Silverstein quote to a skull f*cking joke in the same blog ever?  i doubt it, i think i am the first person in history to do so. And that is one more thing to be happy about!


-i do not think there is anything cute about watching little kids dancing, AT ALL.  Not at a party, not at a BBQ, and ESPECIALLY not at a wedding.  Yay, little midget idiots hopping all over the place like coked up imbeciles.  i’m not impressed, i don’t find it funny or cute, and if one of you bumps into me and then falls down crying i will laugh at you.

Fast food tips:  I only found this fact out recently, and for someone of my spherical belly that may surprise you.  But at McDonald’s, you can get Big Mac sauce on ANYTHING.  Dumb ass me always assumed that i needed to buy a Big Mac to get that delicious dressing, but someone wiser then i let me know that no matter sandwich you get you can get Big Mac sauce on it.  Depending on what store you’re at they may charge you like 5 cents for it but some will do it for free.   A class move is to get the $1 Mac Double with Big Mac Sauce but please feel free to experiment.  You never thought to do that either, huh?  Good thing i have this blog which is both informative and… alright i’ll quit while i’m ahead.

-If my electric toothbrush dies while i’m brushing my teeth, then i stop brushing.  What else am i supposed to do, use it like it’s a regular toothbrush? What is this the 1800’s?  And yes my next step is to recharge it for next time, but my current brushing period is now over.  i don’t know if there is another way to handle this situation but if there is i haven’t figured it out.

– A special thank you to Canada for giving us the worst game 7 on your home ice in your country’s sport. What the hell was that all aboot?  That performance was more embarrassing then your stupid riots.  Silly Canadians, you would think they are used to being in 2nd place.  Although I’m kinda glad because i was tired and didn’t want to stay up for the whole game anyway but yeah that was pretty much garbage.  I blame Albin because he’s the biggest hockey fan i know and i think he was rooting for the Canucks.  But since he always reads my blog i won’t bring up how he’s a Rangers fan who hasn’t seen a cup since 1994.  “And i won’t bring up how the Devils missed the playoffs this year!”  Well played buddy…

-Can someone tell me what the deal is with girls always falling for their dentists?  i swear, every girl i know has a crush on their dentist.  i had trouble figuring it out for while, and at first i thought maybe all dentists must really be that hot?  But now i’m thinking, maybe it’s because for once the girl just has to sit there and shut their f’n trap and now that they are finally made to listen to someone else talk for once instead of just running their mouth.  Then they realize “wow, this guy is so interesting!  i think i want to bang him!”  No darlin, this is what happens when you actually have a conversation with someone instead of just waiting for the person to stop talking so you can run your mouth again with nonsense that no one cares about.  It’s either that or the nerve gas i think, one or the other. 

“Facebook etiquette”-  Alright i might take some heat on this one but this has to be said.  Pregnant women, PLEASE stop putting pictures of your pregnant belly on facebook!  We get it! You have a giant belly and your husband and family and friends keep telling you look beautiful!  You don’t, you look hugemongous and we’re all waiting for you to have this kid so you look like a regular human being again.  So be proud all you want that you are going to be a mommy, just don’t parade that proudness by putting a picture up of your pregnant stomach.  And yeah i’m sure some of you might get heated at me for this one, but for real we all think it and i’m just the one with the balleens to tell you.

So i hope you all have a great weekend kids.  And before i bounce it would be a crime if i didn’t give a shout out to one of my office BFF’s Stephanie who is celebrating a birthday today 🙂  You know those people that make your awful job at least bareable?  That’s what she does for me.  And also, i steal a LOT of my comedy for this blog from my friends but probably none more then her.  If i’m Selena Gomez then she’s my Justin Bieber, minus any of the perverted sex picture stuff.  But Steph is the definition of money and i hope she has a great day because she deserves it. Even though she’s a dirty, dirty racist who hates Mexicans…

Have a terrific weekend, cya Tuesday! -miguel jo$é


2 Responses to “I will not play at tug o’ war. I’d rather play at hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug. Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins. And everyone cuddles, and everyone wins. – Shel Silverstein "Hug O’ War"”

  1. albin June 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    Nice to have made the blog and nicer that I was quoted probably word for word what I would have said had the conversation took place. Good stuff. -albin


  2. shannon June 21, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    I had that poem read at my wedding. 🙂


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