Nobody goes right to work. Screw the company; those first twenty minutes belong to you. – George Carlin

7 Jun

What is up kids?

Yeah i used another Carlin quote to start my blog again, suck it.  i said i’d relax with them but obviously i’m a lying ahole.  Although didn’t i ask that i got up to 20 followers by the weekend and i’m still at 17?  Looks like we are equally aholes today!

Wow miguel, yelling at the few readers you have isn’t going to get you more followers that’s for sure.  What am i figurin?  Besides being the kind of jerk off who talks to himself in the third person of course….

idk, i’m pretty riled up today because of my “real” job.  Like i can deal with the low pay, unpaid lunches, and just the overall general awful treatment of the people in my position.  i probably shouldn’t accept all that but i do, mostly because my only other option is to look for and find a new job and we all know i’m too lazy for that.  i don’t know how much longer i can take it though; they really treat us like a real bag of douche lately.

i feel like i’m torn, like i know that i’m def better then this place but isn’t that what everyone thinks about their job?  i like to think i’m not like everyone else, but what i believe in my head and what goes on in real life are rarely the same thing.  And every ahole thinks they are not like everyone else, so obviously if i think that as well then i am also one of those aholes.  What the hell am i even talking about?  Oh now i remember, i’m a lying ahole.

Sometimes upper management has to play games with you.  Sometimes they just have to pull little power moves to let you know whose boss, who is in control.  And normally, 85% to 90% of the office will have none problem with this.  Most people realize to just stay quiet and do what you’re told.  This is what they teach us in school growing up; you don’t get the best grades for having the most provocative mind, you get them by giving the answers the teacher wants.  If you go through school getting B’s and C’s no one will say much to you, but if you come to school late or try to leave early you get in HUGE trouble.  Because that is what they are training you for, coming to work on time and doing what you’re told.

But i just can’t live like that; i will always have to fight authority.  “Whoo hoo you’re such a rebel, you work in payroll deek!”  True, but even in this limited fashion as my boy Cartman says, “i do what i want!”  It’s all about bending the rules and not breaking them, and you can bend those $hits quite a bit sometimes.  And when management pushes down to show whose boss sometimes you gotta bounce back a little harder, so let’s see what happens this week shall we? It’s not over yet, but i feel like i already know who the winner of this current power struggle is going to be…


-So i won this office pool at work and my white co-worker asked me how much i won so i told her 200 beans.  And she goes, “did you say beans because you are Mexican?”  At first i couldn’t decide if i was more insulted because of how racist that was, or if i was super impressed because i use the term “beans” all the time and no one has ever made that point to me.  i’ve decided i am just flat out impressed because although i do hate racism, when someone finds a new way to be racist after the thousands of year’s racists have been on this planet you just have to marvel at something so incredibly innovative.

-You know who i never felt bad for?  The Doozers in Fraggle Rock. What the F were they figuring? You’re making an entire city out of delicious sugar sticks?  No wonder the Fraggles would destroy your entire infrastructure everytime you were building something! Although now i’m wondering, maybe that was the Doozers’ plan.  “Enjoy the sugar now you ahole Fraggles, i hope you get diabetes!  It’ll be a lot harder to chase us once you lose your foot you Muppet Show rejects!” Well played Doozers.

-Why does sleeping with the fan directly on my face give me a headache when i wake up?  Does anyone know the science behind this?  And i don’t mean a ceiling fan, cause that never does it.  And at work i have a fan on me constantly since i work with a bunch of girls and it is always 195 degrees in my office, but i still don’t have headaches all day.  It’s really only when it’s mad hot and i put the fan on me as i start counting those sheep that i wake up and my dome is killing me.  What’s the f’n deal?

-If you are wondering what the all-time best boobie scene in movie history is, it’s when Terry flashes Rick at the prom in the film “Just One of the Guys.”  It’s not even close, the whole movie is just one big build up to seeing her cans and when it finally happens it makes life worth living if only for a hot second.  Haha i joke about this stuff but if any girl has any idea what movie i’m talking about you are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT too old for me!   And any guy who knows this movie agrees with me completely.

-Quick side note, following that fantastic boob shot is some of the best dialouge ever.  “Are those what i think they are?” “I’m sorry…”  “Where do you get off having t!ts?”  Man that is like Shakespeare, how that movie didn’t win the Academy Award is beyond me.

-i hate that anytime i look up song lyrics on the interwebs there is always that pop-up, “Send this Ringtone to your phone!”  How about NO you pushy ahole? Stop f’n asking, i am just looking up the stupid lyrics! Enough already, for real.

“Facebook etiquette”-  Hey people on FB, when i’m super bored and there is nothing to do at work, could someone please post some interesting updates or funny stories or a new photo album of bikini pics?  Or can you at least put up those pictures from that girls high school volleyball game you went to or something?  For real, i’m looking at the same dumb status updates that were there from 9 am this morning, someone get a life and entertain me already!

So i’m finally extending my “empire”. This Thursday, June 9th i will be doing a guest blog on my friends web comic over at  The artist Jim “Holden” Kohl and the tracer Phil “Banky” Kriser have a daily comic strip which besides Facebook, Wikipedia and my blog is another fantastic place to waste time on a work friendly website.  The two comics they do are in my “favorite sites” section which no one has ever noticed, but i’d like to thank both guys in advance for letting me bash them heavily on their own website.  So you can see my guest spot this Thursday on their site, and i will be back here on Friday to drop even more knowledge and nonsense!  -miguel jo$é


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