You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there… just to scare the $hit out of the middle class. -George Carlin

25 May

What is up kids?

Yeah i lied, you get another Carlin quote right after i said i would relax with those for awhile.  So apparently i’m a liar.  And while i’m at it, i might as well also admit i like to steal things.  i admit a lot of awful things about me in this blog so i might as well throw this out there as well.  i am a dirty stinking… Thief!  Who was thinking Mexican??  You racist jerks, i will steal from you next!

But yeah everything is just TOO expensive.  Who can afford to just “buy” all the goods and services you need? You obviously know i can’t after that blog i wrote about not paying bills.  “But i didn’t read that blog, do you expect me to read EVERY single one??”  Yes, yes i do.

To me, it’s almost hard not to steal.  i mean the game is rigged kids, i don’t need to tell you that.  Society is built around the premise that the rich get to keep everything and the rest of us have to work our entire lives.  It’s as simple as that.  The rich make it seem like we can become one of them but it really is impossible.  i mean sure some people are able to do so, and i call them white people.  But the odds are not in our favor, just because a person wins the lottery doesn’t mean that makes it easier for me to do so as well. When we see someone win we all think “Wow it is possible!” But in reality, it isn’t.  Most of us will work everyday, pay off bills the rest of our life, and spend the little money we do have on gadgets and appliances that we probably don’t need.

And i accept that, i don’t need a whole hell of a lot to be happy in life so i’ve become okay with this.  And if these are the rules so be it. However, since i have been known to break the rules from time to time i am going to steal a whole bunch of $hit in the process.  Batteries, razor blades, gum, candy bars, contact solution, pint glasses from bars… all of this $hit is coming home with me for free.  Hey, if you catch me i will deal with the consequences.  But until that happens i am going to continue to be one theiving basterd.

idk, am i supposed to feel bad?  Because i don’t, not one bit.  And you can judge me all you want, everyone steals at least a little bit in their own way.  Whether it be snacking on something at the supermakret without paying for it, those pens we take home from TD bank because they are AWESOME, taking a 40 minute lunch instead of a half hour, because techincally you are getting paid for time you aren’t working.  So if you we’re gonna start judging everyone let’s keep it fair, shall we?

There are some people like my mother who never steal, and God bless her for that.  It’s nice to know there are genuinely good people out there.  i know i’m not that good of a person, but i also realize i’m not on the other end of the spectrum with all the other evil aholes either.  i would think i’m somewhere in the middle, or if anything closer to being good.  i think i have a good heart, i just enjoy the occasional illegal substance and refuse to pay for batteries or razors.  Because for real, razors are like $22!  Who has that kind of money to spend on razors?  Not me, i’m too busy buying booze when i go out to bars.  If i played fair i wouldn’t be able to do both, but since i steal them i can have a beer and have a beautifully smooth angelic face.  That’s win win kids. 


-If you are in a verbal fight with someone, and they are extremely mad and yelling while they are trying to make their point, if you want to guarantee that person totally loses their $hit when they are done yelling just say, “Are you finished?”  MAN do people hate that!  Another good thing to do with people this mad is just tell them to “relax”.  There is nothing angry people want to hear less then to be told to relax.  A lot of people may have good ideas on how to help stop fighting or advice on how to be a better person, but i’d rather help you infuriate someone more and drive them even more crazy.  Probably because i’m a real bag of douche

-If you want to see a movie about fast cars, do NOT go see “Fast Five”.  That movie has little to no car racing, and i was extremely dissapointed.  You know what other movies i can watch if i don’t want to see car racing?  ALL OF THEM!   That movie was definitely furious but there was little to none fast.  i went expecting to see some NOS in the first 5 minutes and it didnt’ show up till almost the end!  And i don’t even get what NOS is!!   And no, i will not being going to see Fast 6 when it comes out because that would just be ridiculous.

-To all people ordering food at restaurants, you never have to tell your waiter or waitress the following: “You can just bring out the food whenever it’s ready.”  Really?  What do you think i’m waiting for Ahole?  i mean thank God you told me that because your food’s been ready for a 1/2 hour, i was just assuming you wanted to wait.  Could you give me more awful tips on how to help serve you better?  “i see that you have a full drink in front of you, do you need a refill?  Oh wait i get it, i should probably wait until you finish the drink and then give you the refill.  i’ve only been a waiter for 5 years, can you please give me more useless advice?  Because apparently i need it….”

-i almost cried at the movie “Big Daddy.”  Yes the one with Adam Sandler, and go F*ck yourself!  That part towards the end when they take the kid and he’s like “i wipe my own a$$” and Sandler’s like “I know!”  All of a sudden i felt myself start to tear up and i was like what the F???  But i didn’t cry, which was good cause i was with an ex at the time and you can never, EVER cry in front of your woman fellas.  But yeah that stupid movie almost got me.  As far as stuff i have cried at the only thing i can think of off hand is the Lion King.  But for real if you didn’t cry when Mufasa died and Simba starts nudging him and then crawls under his dead fathers arm….. Let’s just say there is a reason they launch into “Hakuna Matata” 5 seconds later, they needed to cheer up everyone in the audience ASAP.

“Facebook etiquette”- To everyone who plays “Farmville” or that mob game, or any “Scrabble” type nonsense on Facebook, can you just get a gddamn Playstation 3, or XBox or something already?  i get playing these games at work i guess because honestly, who does work at work?  But some of you are out of control with this garbage, for real there are some sick video games out there.  Most of us are living in the future and playing our high tech games and a bunch of you are still collecting trees and vegetables for your farm game!  “But that’s not how you play Farmville, you don’t collect trees and vegetables!”  Oh wow, i didn’t know that.  It must be because i have a life…

Wow i really need to give up these Wednesday blogs, it’s so f’n busy at my job on Wednesdays!  Lucky for me this is my blog and i’ll do what i want.  I just need to figure out exactly what that is first…

Cya kids Friday!!!! – miguel jo$é


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