Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. – Dean Wormer, "Animal House"

20 May

What is up kids?

i guess this is my last blog ever before the end of the world tomorrow.  i’d better make it count….

But with everyone graduating college these days it really made me wonder, what the F is the point of college? I mean besides meeting girls and getting laid for the first time, and experimenting with drugs and learning the occasional thing or two from some of those “classes” that they make us go to.  “Wait a second, it took you until college before you lost your virginity?  What a lame a$$!”  Oh yeah?  Go F yourself person judging me, i preferred to wait until i was in love.  And it took until my sophomore year until i met that special someone, that little blonde baby girl who lived down the hall that i thought was super hot for two years who FINALLY caved in after a party one night when we were both drunk, and who i gave the quite possibly the best 30 to 90 seconds of her life.  In my defense, $ex feels really good and i was a rookie.  But i was ready to go a second time a little bit later and did much better.  I think we even tried for a third time but i was finito.  In baseball terms i would say i was 2-3 with an infield single and a home run. 

So yeah i think my parents know about my blog but i haven’t asked them if they actually read it.  i really, really hope they don’t.  But if you do ma and dad i hope you stop now forever….

But yeah that’s all i remember about college.  i joined a frat my first semester and partied for 3 semesters straight before they kicked me out.  My GPA wasn’t that bad, i had a 1.9 i think and 2 was the lowest you could have before they kick you out.  i could have tried to stay in school but i knew i wasn’t appying myself so i stopped and just worked $hitty jobs for awhile.  Then after a few years i went to Bergen Community college, then i ended up going to William Paterson and graduated after 3 years with 3.0 gpa overall and a 3.8 in my major. True, my major was Communications but whatever, i did it! I graduated!  And yet somehow i still find myself working at a $hitty job…

Although now i’m thinking… who f’n cares that i graduated?  I’ve got school loans that i won’t have paid off until i eventually have kids and then someday they are in college.  And i guess i’m kinda glad that i have a diploma ,but for real 30k in hole glad?  No f’n way.  And it’s not like i needed my diploma for my job now, they never asked to check it once.  i could be a Harvard grad for all they know.  So really, did it help me out at all?

i don’t know, this whole money thing is garbage but the experience was one of the best times of my life.  In addition to popping my cherry i made some of the best friends of my life and had the craziest times ever, so that can’t be all bad i guess.  And i met the girl i thought i would have eventually married, and even though we fought a lot and in the end she just didn’t find me funny anymore (which i don’t blame her for at all, my nonsense gets old REAL quick) that relationship has changed me forever.  For good or bad, it taught me more about myself and love then i ever could have known.  So at least as far as relationships go i did grow up a little.  Which is good because every other aspect of me is an immature ahole haha.

So i guess the point of all this is that i’m glad i went to college.  i wish i was better prepared for it, not the knowledge part because i was smart enough for it but a kid like me couldn’t handle that much partying. Think how much i party now, and imagine me over 10 years ago.  And 30 pounds slimmer.  It was just too much, hence it took me 7 years and 3 colleges to finally graduate.  Every month these school loan bills are a swift kick to my balleens, but if that’s the price i had to pay for the memories that i have i guess it was worth it.  .


-Girls are the meanest people on earth.  If you want proof, just watch someone slip and fall down in front of a girl.  i don’t care if it’s their grandmother or the Pope, i guarantee the girl will DIE laughing.  i don’t mean they will slightly chuckle, or that they will cover their mouths hoping no one notices they are laughing.  For real, they are straight L O L as soon as someone hits the ground.  Personally, my first instinct is to wonder if the person that fell is actually hurt. Because to me, if someone is seriously injured it makes things a lot less funny.  Not to women, there will still be tears in their eyes from laughing so hard before it even occurs to them someone might actually be hurt.  And the funny thing is, there is not ONE woman reading this that will argue against my point.  Because you all know you are heartless bitches who love the misfortune of others.  If only you weren’t all so gddamn hot…

-Attention all tall guys… go after tall girls!  It’s no secret that all girls are insecure, that is really the only reason any of us have a chance with them.  Well the super hot ones anyway.  But no girl wants to date a guy she’s taller then, they always need someone who is at the very least their height.  So if a girls a lot taller, or even a little taller then other girls she probably wants a taller guy.  So go get in there taller guy!  If you make her look smaller in comparison you are in buddy, it kills me when i see a taller guy who isn’t banging every taller girl out there because trust me you could.  How often do you see a really tall girl with a super short guy?  Never is the answer, and it’s the correct answer.   i’m here to help you my giant friends, you may have the height but i got the brains and i use my power for good when i can

-How come all girls love chicken fingers?  Did you all get together one day and just agree that if you ever go out to eat or are on a date the one acceptable item you can always order at a restaurant is chicken fingers?  Don’t get me wrong, i think they are money.  It’s just funny to me this is literally the one thing you all agree on. 

-So after my whole not paying bills rant a bunch of people asked me, “Why don’t you do automatic debit for you bills?  They just take it right out of your account so this way you always pay bills on time!”  Wow, that is fantastic advice!  i can’t see any flaws in that logic!  Oh wait, what if you don’t have enough money in your account and then they automatically debit it?  Because that’s my whole f’n problem, i do not have money in my account.  So yeah unless someone is also automatically putting that money in my account before they take it out i will not be signing up for any automatic bill paying service….

“Facebook etiquette”- if you are married, you probably don’t need to be on Facebook.  Actually, if you are in any sort of relationship you probably don’t need to be on Facebook. Besides it just being a guaranteed dumb fight, everyone knows the only reason you are on FB is to stalk your exes and creep on other people’s pictures.  And i will also guarantee, chances are the person you end up leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend for is already one of your FB friends right now…

Have a great weekend everyone.  Oh wait, i guess have a good night and some of tomorrow because apparently the world is ending May 21st at 6 o’clock. Or is it 9? hahaha 69 …But yeah i honestly don’t care about all the psychos who predict the end of the world nonstop, not even this guy who spent all his money putting up billboards all over town letting people know the rapture is coming.  My only wish is that once Saturday does come, if the world doesn’t end this guy deserves a bullet in his head at 11:59 pm.  This way he’s not a liar, because techincally his world did end on May 21st.  i am really only trying to help this guy out.  And maybe if that’s what we did to everyone predicting the end of the world maybe they’d think twice about doing so if there were actual repercussions.  And honeslty, would anyone care if this ahole was gone from the planet?  Yeah me neither.

See you kids on Monday! – miguel jo$é


2 Responses to “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. – Dean Wormer, "Animal House"”

  1. pinkfishgrl May 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm #

    LMAO I ❤ u so much!!! xooxoxoxoxox miss you


  2. Stefanie May 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm #

    lol incredible


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