And i don’t understand why i sleep all day, and i start to complain that there’s no rain… Shannon Hoon – "No Rain"

18 May

What is up kids?

Once again i’m rattled while i write this, what is up with me lately?  idk, i have an idea i guess but i’m not ready to admit it to myself yet so there’s no way to confront it.  i just really don’t want it to be true so i guess i won’t let myself think about it.  Because that always works haha.  But yeah i don’t know why i’m writing this because if i’m not ready to admit it to myself yet i definitely won’t talk about it on my blog.  And yeah i do realize i’m kinda being the worst right now.  But whatever, i admitted to you fools that i cheated on my shoe tying award in kindergarden, that i’m a big David Archuletta fan and i had a Lifetime marathon on Sunday by myself.  i think i tell you guys plenty.  Plus on Friday’s blog i’m going to admit when i lost my virginity, so just be happy with the secrets i’m telling you.  Whoo hoo a teaser for Friday’s blog!!!   Man i am the WORST.

But anyways, maybe it’s this dreary awful weather day in and day out that’s got me down?  This nonstop rain is literally crushing my soul.  No wonder alternative music originated in Seattle, if it rained all day everyday where i lived i’d probably come up with some depressing dark and angry music too.   Although man i sure do miss alternative music, the 90’s in general were just straight MONEY.  And not just because that is the decade my future girlfriend was born in. 

Remember when Nirvana hit the scene?  The music industry literally did not know how to handle it, they were so used to putting poppy garbage or hair metal bands on the radio singing the same stuff over and over again.  Then you had Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, all these kids come out of Seattle playing badass rock and actually singing about something with substance which was just too much for the mainstream media to handle.  And i won’t even get into all the underrated bands like Dinosaur Jr, Blind Melon and Beck who is only my favorite artist of all time.  None of the bands today rock like those bands, that whiney emo garbage is horrific.  You can sing about pain and heartbreak without being such a pu$$y about it, which is something none of these new bands can figure out.

Haha can everyone tell yet i had zero topic for today?  It is just so hard to get motivated in this weather, for real.  If any of you were smart you’d be in bed watching movies all day not stuck at work talking to ahole clients like i am.  Oh well, this is one of my last Wednesday blogs ever so it might as well be an awful one.  Oh did i tell you guys that yet?  i’m thinking of changing my blog schedule to two times a week, and making those days Tuesday and Friday.  Next week will be my last week of three blogs and then Memorial day weekend i’m gonna go down to two.  First of all, no one reads this garbage on Monday’s anyways. But more importantly the whole reason i did this besides to feed my giant ego was to write more comedy to do for stand up, and now i have a TON of new stuff and ideas.  So starting June i hope to be doing more stand up comedy since i’ve only been talking about doing it for the last 45 years and all.   But yeah it’s time to start making moves kids, this is going to be a big summer for yours truly.  i can feel it.  And lucky for you you get to enjoy the ride all summer, it’ll just be 2 times a week instead of three…


-If Fox News likes to brag that they have the biggest ratings and highest viewers, they cannot also say that the mainstream media has a liberal bias.  Doesn’t the fact that they have the biggest audience make them the mainstream?  You can say other media has a liberal bias if you want, but you can’t call them the mainstream if you are the most popular.  That’d be like the Yankees saying “It’s not fair that only the big market teams buy all the best players!”  i’m pretty sure they’re the biggest market out there, and Fox News if you’re so proud of yourself for having the most viewers by that logic that also makes you the mainstream.  And yes i realize that out of all the hypocracy from that awful station this is such a small thing to nit pick, but it drives me nuts and i had to make that point.  Oh and i also wanted to say “nit pick”. 

-Don’t you hate people that call and leave a message just saying to call back it’s really important, but won’t say what the issue is on the message?  My mom is queen of this. “Miguel it’s your mother, please call me”  Holy S mom is everything okay??? What’s the emergency?!?!  “Your father wanted to know if the Mets were on at 1 today or 4 pm”.  Oh thanks for the heart attack, good thing you didnt’ tell me that on the message you left so i wasn’t a panicky mess.   The next thing you know my mom will write a blog talking about something that is bothering her but never admit what it is…

-Does anyone know anyone’s phone number?  i know my parents home number because i lived in their basement until i was 62 years old , so it was my regular number for most of my life.  But please, now with cell phones i literally know ZERO numbers.  In fact, if i didn’t lose my phone at that wedding i was at i wouldn’t even know my own number.  But after having to give it out a million times it finally stuck with me.  But that’s it, that’s all i got.  i literally can’t even remember the order my best friends are on my speed dials let alone their entire gddamn number.  i’m not sure if this is because i’m lazy, because i have a bad memory, or if it’s just cause i’m not smart.  But i’m guessing all 3.

-Every guy, depending on his tastes, has at least 3 porno sites that they visit regularly.  i don’t mean pay sites, although i’m sure some of you sicko’s actually pay for this nonsense even though you can find free stuff everywhere.  But every guy has at least 2 or 3 sites that are basically their “go to” sites for porno.  He will never admit it to you ladies, but trust me he has them.  If you’re wondering my two favorites are “Dan’s Movies” and “Goddess post”.  The first one is a bunch of random movie clips ranging from “Teen” to… well those are the only movies i watch but i assume there are others.  But goddess post is just pictures instead of movies, but they are pics of “real” girls rather then porn stars.  Some of the ladies reading this may be shocked to learn that their man (No not MY man!  Yes your man) goes on these sites.  But trust me, all the guys reading this not only agree with everything i’ve just said but they have already checked out the sites i just listed.  They are the money right? 

-Speaking of porno, i feel like the phrase “more bang for your buck” should only be used for prostitutes.  People use this phrase for everything, i heard it about an air conditioner the other day.  “Yeah even though this model is pretty cheap, you really get more bang for your buck”.  Really?  i don’t even get where i’m suppossed to put my penis.  i mean i do see some holes but they are FREEZING!  Haha this joke is ridiculous and makes no sense.

“Facebook etiquette”- i have friends, and i have “Facebook” friends.  My friends are the people i hang out with and talk to when i see them.  Facebook friends are people i know from high school, or know from back in the day, or have met once or twice.  But i would never, EVER actually say anything to them if i saw them in person.  i love these friends because it’s funny when i’m at the mall or at CVS or whatever and see one of my fb friends,  i just laugh to myself thinking A. i would never say anything to them in public and B. what great friends my fb friends are haha.

Annnnnnnnd i’m spent.  That’s all i gots today kids, hopefully you found one or two chuckles in there.  But like i teased earlier my blog on Friday is going to be fantastic, i’m still working on it but it’s the most fun i’ve had writing a blog yet. So hate me today for no reason if you wish, by Friday i know i will win you back! – miguel jo$é


2 Responses to “And i don’t understand why i sleep all day, and i start to complain that there’s no rain… Shannon Hoon – "No Rain"”

  1. Stefanie May 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    I vote for Mondays instead of Tuesdays… Monday's are the worst day ever and your blog makes the day a little bit better =)


  2. pinkfishgrl May 20, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    I agree with Stephanie on the Monday instead of tues. WTF first it was everyday then just three…now two!!!! That is the lamest decision ever…soon you will be telling us we have to come see you “live” cause there will be none blogs anymore. Srsly your the worst for jipping me on my favorite blog to read.


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