Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. – George Carlin

16 May

What is up kids?

Oh Monday, it’s so stereotypical to hate you but you are kinda the worst.  Sunday almost gets ruined just knowing you are the next day.  Actually mine was ruined when i realized what i spent most of my day doing.  i guess i have to admit exactly what i did but i want to make a point about today’s blog quote first.  And yeah i use Carlin quotes too much but he was a straight up prophet and the originator of all that is money.  If i had an idol it’d be him, but he hates idols and would think i was being the biggest tool if i said he was mine so i won’t say that.  But he was none joke kids.

But anyways, isn’t paying bills the worst?  i think i hate school loans the most, they are so obnoxious about reporting to the credit agencies when you’re late.  Well credit cards are the worst but you all know to pay your credit card bills first no matter what it’s a must.  But yeah i’m pretty sure Sallie Mae is a racist.   And yes i realize she is not a real person but whatever i hate that bitch and she can totally stop calling me already. Although speaking of companies calling you looking for money…

To all 800 numbers who call me and do not leave a message, i will never, EVER pick up.  So just give up for the love of Pete.  “Oh hey, a shady 800 number calling me 10 times in a day, whatever could they want?”  Look, i know i haven’t paid your bill yet, that’s why you’re calling me.  i will pay you when i have money, not when you call me looking for it. You needing it doesn’t make me have it.

Geico is pretty classy if you pay their bill late.  If you don’t pay on time they just wait a few days and then send you a pink letter that says “We will straight up drop your ass if you do not pay by June 15th”.  No hassle, no nonsense, they just straight up tell you deal.  i can respect that.  They are more then just funny commercials, they helped me with this bull$hit hit and run in the city charge someone tried to pull on me once. But that’s a story for another day i think…

Does anyone pay all their bills on time AND have money to go do fun things on the weekend?  Oh wait, i know of people who do that.  They are called “Women”.  For some reason girls pay all their S on time and usually have this thing i heard about once called a “savings” account.  It must be nice to have one of those, i guess that’s what you have when you care about having kids one day.  Or if you are just a grown up i guess.  Although there is a big reason why girls can save money and guys can’t.  It is because fun costs money, and girls are definitely NOT about having fun.  Going to bars, sporting events, buying drugs, ordering pizza at midnight, buying a new tv or a beer pong table, all this stuff costs money.  For some reason when you skip happy hour just to stay home and not do anything because who cares you already have a boyfriend who needs to go out?  And then when you do go out some schlub is down to buy you all your drinks anyway in hopes of getting in your pants which will never happen.  So those kinds of nights are free for most women, hence the savings account.  If i make it to my next pay day with any sort of funds left from my last check i consider that a victory.  So far my record is 2-118.

But anyways. the reason i am so disappointed in myself is because while i was watching the Mets game yesterday i also got caught up in a Lifetime marathon.  It started with “Accused at 17,” followed by “Justice for Natalee Holloway.” It took everything in my power to not watch “Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy,” soon afterwards.  In my defense, Accused at 17 was about this hot slutty high school girl who hooks up with this dude who has a girlfriend and the gf totally finds out about it.  And then her other hot friend convinces her to pull a prank on the other girl so they do but they actually kill her and all the girls turn on each other and all the girls are hot.  i think the good guys in the end won, i don’t remember what happened.  But if there is a movie about hot teenage girls involving sex and murder i will most likely end up watching no matter what channel it was on. 

But the Natalee Holloway story is crazy interesting!  That Jordan Van der Sloot is an f’n maniac serial killer, for real.  And he totally gets off on torturing that mom, he’s a monster!  Of course all my facts are based off what i saw on Lifetime and what i just read on Wikipedia.  Both impeccable sources.  So yeah judge me if you want but lifetime has some money shows, or at the very least super hot ones about teen girls. 

Hope you had a great weekend, or good one at least.  It’s supposed to rain all week pretty much so we gots that going for us, or at least it will be raining for those of us in the North Jersey/NY area.  Don’t think i forgot about you my overseas readers.  With the miracle known as the interwebs there are people all around the globe reading my blog! You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam.  There’s no end to the possibilities!  Cabla Goobla!


-i think the worst ads are those, “Most Interesting Man in the World” ads for Dos Equis.  That means Two Equis in Spanish.  Anyways it’s not even that they are not funny, because there are definitely a million more ads less funny then that.  But it starts off with, “I don’t always drink beer, but when i do, i prefer Dos Equis.”  Really?  i’m supposed to take beer advice from someone who doesn’t drink beer that much?  And it’s not even like, “hey it’s my favorite!”  He just prefers it when he does drink beer once in awhile.  And oh yeah, their tagline at the end is, “Stay thirsty my friends.”  But wait, why would you want people to stay thirsty?  They are only staying thirsty if they are not drinking your beer, which seems like a pretty piss poor sales pitch to me.  So i should stay thirsty by not buying your beer?  This whole stupid ad makes zero sense.  i am by no means the smartest person around but i’m not falling for those lies and nonsense.

-Hey “dentists,” i don’t f’n floss… Okay? So stop asking me if i floss, no one f’n flosses.  And shouldn’t you be able to tell if i floss just by looking in my mouth?  Who cares if i do or not if it doesn’t look like i do?  So why not just check instead of asking me if i floss since you can obviously tell?  i know why, because you want me to feel bad about not doing it.  Well i don’t.  So eat me.  And i’m never coming back again.

-Staying on the dentists topic, i find as an experience they are just as awful as auto repair shops.  Both places you just go in for a normal checkup and by the time you leave they have told you about a million repairs you need to have done immediately.  And you can’t say nothing, because who can argue their point?  “Your struts look weak, you have a loose valve pipe that’s going to shutdown your main gasket. That’ll be $1000 dollars.”  “Um, okay.”  “Your gums are bleeding as i check your mouth, we are going to have to inject them with this stuff that costs like $1000 dollars.”  “Terrific!”  You have to go to the auto repair shop once in a while but this is exactly why i don’t go to the dentist.  i brush my $hits everyday and i’ve never needed braces or nothing.  Plus i got the money smile, so i’ll see you if i ever feel any pain doc.  Don’t hold your breath though.

– i don’t like being in pictures, because i don’t like “evidence.”  Don’t get me wrong, i’m always down to pose for pictures with friends all nice like.  i am mad photogenic.  But if i’m at a party, or if you try to just take my picture out of the blue at happy hour or something i will punch you.  Maybe i haven’t told everyone where i’m at and don’t need it on facebook, or maybe my eyes are red due to allergies and it’s not a good time to take a picture of me.  Either way, relax picture queen and leave me out of your Snapfish account.  I say queen because the person taking these pics are obviously women or a gay guy.  Guys don’t take a lot of pictures. Why is that?  Because it’s evidence… gddamn it i just told you people why!  Even with my own blog no one listens…

“Facebook etiquette”-  How come when i add someone as a friend, i am immediately asked by Facebook to suggest other friends to them?  Hey facebook, i didn’t log on here to play Cupid or to have homework.  i don’t even do work when i’m at real work.  i’m sure if that person was able to navigate the interwebs and find me on Facebook they will be able to do the same and find others.

Today’s blog was fantastic.  You’re welcome.  And maybe it’s easier to make comments now after the 5 person explosion that happened over the weekend?  Who knows, i’m just glad this ghetto site was up for once haha.  Cya Wednesday…  miguel jo$é


3 Responses to “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. – George Carlin”

  1. pinkfishgrl May 16, 2011 at 2:32 pm #

    Lmao, today was def a great blog. I feel even worse about paying my bills on time cause im a girl, and i def dont. I might even have the money(usually I dont but sometimes I might) I dont even pay it, lol guess im to busy spending money on fyn and happy hour.
    I get sucked into lifetime sometimes for those exact reasons!!! But usually I get sucked into the Discovery Channel watching River Monsters or Deadliest Catch or something, im ashamed to say it took up at least 7 hrs of my time yesterday, lol.
    I dont like those candids either, but you know how I love to stalk your pics so, snapping queen whoever you are, keep on snapping those pics of Money Miguel!!!! I wanna know what your doing while im stuck here in sunny FL.
    Nice facebook quote today.
    I miss you much!!! xoxoxoxoxox


  2. Maggi May 17, 2011 at 2:04 am #

    Ohhhh Mr. Perez Hilton…. You are quite chatty Kathy today… Trying to read but Jersey Housewives is on…


  3. shannon May 20, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    Sallie Mae is totally a racist. She spelled my name with a damn Q. Why is it every non-hispanic tries to put a Q in Rodriguez?


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