You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try. – Homer Simpson

13 May

What is up kids?

This website was down all last night and all day today until right now i’m gonna throw some Random nonsense on you and then bounce for the weekend.  For those of you who had money that i would give up on the blog by now this doesn’t count because it was legit not my fault!  i thought not being able to make comments was ghetto but not being able to access the site at all is definitlely ghetooer.

i’m gonna try one last thing on how to fix the comments this weekend but if that doesn’t work for real i may have to look for a new website.  Does anyone have any ideas?  If you do just post them below in the comment section so that i know where…. Motherf’er!  Stupid free site not costing me any money but still giving me a hassle.  Oh well, hopefully i can fix it this weekend so we’ll see.  And on Monday i have a great idea for my blog so get ready cause it’s gonna be money.  But feel free to enjoy today’s ghetto blog….


i don’t know how to tie a tie.  i’m not proud to admit that, in fact i feel like a classless ahole saying it.  Especially because my dad taught me like a million times while i was growing up.  But in my defense, i only did it a few times a year.  He would show me and i would kinda get it, but then i wouldn’t do it again for 10 months and i’d be like ‘how do you do this again?” and he’d be like “you would think i’d be used to this disappointment in you by now but i’m not” and then i’d start crying because i was a little bitch boy and…   So yeah i can’t tie a tie.  i either ask one of my friends who are all mature males who know how to do it as they should to do it for me, or when i do get them tied i never untie them i just have a bunch of already tied ties in my closet.  If i ever have a son i guess i’ll try to learn how cause i don’t want to be that dad.  But whatever, for now i’m mad lazy and i don’t feel like learning or remembering it.  It’s a free country.  And oh yeah suck my balls.

-And oh yeah i don’t know if i know how to tie my shoes with the loop and swoop method either.  i mean i definitely do butterfly, that’s how i learned to do it.  Although true story, in kindergarden when you have to show the teacher how to tie your shoes i just showed them already tied because a friend of mine tied them for me already.  And she was like “Good! Now untie them and then tie them again!”  So as soon as she turned her head i just pretended to untie them but i really didn’t so when she turned back i was like ‘here ya go!” and she said “Congratulations!” and then i got my little award.  What an f’n dirtbag haha.  And like the cinco de miguel story i can promise you it is all true.  Why would i lie about that? It’s awful, i’m an awful human being.  Obviously i learned eventually but like i said i only do bunny ears, not loop and swoop.  i’m not saying i coudn’t learn it like i can’t learn how to tie a tie, i just never tried for sure so i’m not positive.  This is my worst blog ever.
-So i didn’t realize cucumbers and pickles were the same thing until like a year ago.  idk, i mean i get it and all, and once someone pointed it out to me i was like oh yeah that makes sense.  But for real i just never put any thought into it so it was a suprise to me when i learned about it.  There’s no real joke here, but if any of you didn’t know that cucumbers were the same things as pickles you do now.  Although who wouldn’t know that besides a real dumb ahole?

-i think potato skins are the most overrated appetizer ever.  “What?? You don’t like cheese and bacon and sour cream on a potato??”  Yeah they sound and look good in theory, but for the most part it’s always way too much potato and not enough cheese and bacon.  And you know what potatoes they use to make these?  The ones that don’t look good enough to serve on their own with real meals, so they cut em and douse them in garbage so no one knows how awful they are.  Well i do, and i’m not buying it.  I’d like the same appetizer but instead of potato rejects could i just get the cheese and bacon and sour cream on french fries instead?  You know, the potatoes that you have that actually taste good on their own?  I can eat french fries on their own but potato skins i always need covered in crap, why is that?  Oh because the potato part of potato skins is garbage.  If you’ve ever ordered potato skins without cheese and bacon and sour cream i can see your point about it being a good appetizer, otherwise it’s all the other stuff you dig and i’m the one smart enough to point that out.

-Men and women are very different when it comes to breaking up, or at least the reasons why they do so.  Women tend to break up with men because they get upset at them.  Like a big fight, or a long running one.  Although let’s be honest when it comes to women, every fight is a long running one.  They never let any argument die…. EVER.  But men don’t really break up when it comes to fighting, we are the ones who are willing to work things out and try to stop fighting which women never want to do.  The main reason men end up breaking up with women is because they found someone new to f*ck, that’s about it.

-Have you ever heard a couple say, “We’re trying to have a baby!”  Do you think, “Oh how sweet! They are starting their family, they really love each other and they are working on starting a family!”  If you do think that then you are NOT me.  Because when i hear couples say that all i hear is, “We are totally f*cking all the time! Morning, noon and night, if you don’t see us you can be sure he has his penis in my vagina!  F*ck F*ck F*ck that is all we are doing these days!  Notstop F*cking!”  So now if any of you think this the next time a couple tells you they are trying to have kids, then i’ve done my job.  Your welcome.

“Facebook etiquette”-  To all people who are on facebook but do not put their birthday in their profile, you are an ahole.  The whole point of this website besides looking at hot pics of girls and stalking ex-girlfriends is as a birthday reminder.  If you don’t think your birthday is important enough to put on facebook first of all i agree with you, and secondly if you expect me to remember your bday on my own there is no chance and i hate you.

Wow, i don’t know what any of you will think about this blog, nor will i because no on can leave stupid comments!  But i hope you have a great weekend anyway, hopefully there will be some good changes on this site by Monday…  – miguel jo$é


5 Responses to “You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try. – Homer Simpson”

  1. Anonymous May 13, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    Wow…. my stallion of a husband and I are trying to have a baby.. seems like couples enjoy it more when they just practice.. or have a few cocktails..


  2. Jimmy George May 13, 2011 at 8:00 pm #



  3. Anonymous May 14, 2011 at 2:22 am #

    I'm guessing you are single?


  4. Anonymous May 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    well it's easy to make Anonymous comments


  5. Michele May 15, 2011 at 3:44 am #

    I can't believe you never put any thought into pickles until now. Shame on you.


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