In America people f*cking hate soccer, and honestly, that’s the way it should be- Kenny Powers

6 Apr

What is up kids?

It’s the beginning of April which can only mean one thing, it’s boring a$$ baseball season again.  Hooray!!  Hoo-ray… I don’t know if i wanted to dedicate a whole blog about this sport already but as of today the Mets have a winning record and just beat the Phillies last night so i might as well get this nonsense out of the way now.

i can already hear the girls reading this changing the channel, which is pretty impressive considering this is a blog and there’s no channel to change.  At least scroll down and read my random nonsense before you bounce for the love of pete.

But this sport is played 13 months out of the year so i guess one Wednesday blog is alright to talk about it, at least for a hot one.  Which is ironic because nothing about baseball lasts a hot one, except for the Mets chances to get into the post season of course.  Baseball is FOREVER.  The season is forever, games last forever, and sports talk goes on about it all day and all night even though the same 5 teams are the only ones who have a legitimate shot every year.  Have you ever watched an entire baseball game without turning the channel?  Yeah me neither.  It is straight up impossible.  I’m pretty sure our conflict in Libya lasted longer then the last Red Sox Yankees game.  Wait, what do you mean conflict,?  Wasn’t that a war?  Shut up political guy who watches the news, we’re talking baseball today.

You can tell how awful baseball is by playing fantasy baseball.  If you’ve never played fantasy baseball it is exactly the same as fantasy football except I hate it and it’s not fun and you lose interest halfway through the season and regret your decision to do it almost daily.  Fantasy football is like your new super hot girlfriend you get to see on the weekends and have crazy awesome $ex with all day Sunday and even into Monday night, then she leaves for the week and you don’t have to deal with her nonsense till next Sunday.  Fantasy baseball is like your wife of 10 years that you have to see every gdman day and who never dresses sexy anymore and even when you do end up sleeping with her you’re totally just going through the motions and in your head you’re really imagining football anyway. 

Maybe i’d feel differently about baseball if i were a Yankee fan but i must say i’m glad i’m not.  I’m a huge fan of the underdog, in all of sports really, and the Yankees are the exact opposite of that.  Every movie where there is an underdog fighting some super hyped champion that everyone expects to win… the Yankees are that champion.   They are Apollo Creed in the movie “Rocky”, they are South Bend in movie “Hoosiers”, they are the Dallas Cowboys in the movie “Little Giants”, they are the New York Yankees in the movie “Major League.”  Oh wait that one was already self explanatory….

And don’t give me that crap, “but the Red Sox picked up some big players and have better pitching so the Yankees are the underdog this year!”  First of all you can’t have the highest payroll in baseball and be an underdog, that’s fact #1.  But more importantly just because you are not the favorite that doesn’t in turn make you the underdog, it just makes you not the favorite.  Got it? 

I guess this whole rant can be summed up by the fact i’m a bitter Mets fan.  But i grew up a Mets fan and any real sports person knows you can’t change the team you root for.  Plus i think I love the Mets because they remind me of myself.  A big over-hyped Mexican with a lot of potential that always finds a way to disappoint the people who love me the most year after year.  Let’s Go Mets!!! 

RANDOM NONSENSE

-To all my clients who send me an email and then call me on the phone to confirm that i go it… go f yourself already.  Either call me or email me but do not do both unless you never want me to get back to you ever.  Do you realize how obnoxious that is?  If you’re so panicky that you don’t trust this whole “electronic mail” technology just call me and leave out the email step and stop being so f’n annoying.

-i cannot stand fat people who smoke cigarettes.  For real, pick one disgusting vice and stick with it.  I mean i’m fat so i know what it’s like to eat disgusting food even though i shouldn’t.  But i also don’t smoke.  And, if you’re skinny and you smoke well then enjoy your vice, we all deserve to have at least one.  But fat people who smoke are disgusting greedy slobs who deserve to die young.  Plus, isn’t smoking supposed to curb your appetite? Not only are you being a disgusting fat smoking mess but you are doing it wrong

-So i learned a new fact this week.   I learned that i ate so much food on Sunday that it made my legs sore the next day.  Did you know you could do this?  i just found this out, apparently you can eat too much salt that your body gets dehydrated and it can make your muscles sore.  I normally eat a lot and i’ve had some pretty good binges in the past, but to know i ate to the point of hurting my legs?  I’m as impressed with myself and I am disgusted, but i do think it’s time to start this diet again, for serious this time…

-Speaking of being disgustingly lazy, i think i realized how bad i’ve gotten when i realized the other day i’ve never used my car key to open my car door.  Not once.  Have you ever gotten to your car and hit the door button and it doesn’t work?  Was your next response to actually just use the key and unlock the door?  Yeah me neither.  I’ve sat their for 10 minutes just hitting the button totally knowing that if it still didn’t work… i would just keep hitting the button.  As far as getting into my car i have “Plan A” and that is it.

-There is NOTHING more infuriating then losing something.  When you break it or if you know it gets stolen at least there is some kind of closure.  But when it is lost is just constantly annoys you, because it has to be SOMEWHERE.  I’d much rather break something and deal with it then always wonder where something is.

That’s it for me, feel free to leave a comment today because i love them and it lets me know you’re reading this!  -miguel josé

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2 Responses to “In America people f*cking hate soccer, and honestly, that’s the way it should be- Kenny Powers”

  1. Alicia April 6, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    you know what is more infuriating than just losing “SOMETHING”…is losing a check that someone gives you. are you supposed to tell them you lost the check and you want them to give it to you again? or do you just eat it?

    Like

  2. pinkfishgrl April 7, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

    Cry/laughing is the best firstthing in the morning (before going to the beach). lmao about car door locking thing, I was rollin, hahahaha xo

    Like

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